To think being in labour is private time and not a time for keeping people updated?

[LowBridges]

DM will be looking after 5yo twin DCs tomorrow when I am induced (picking them up from school, taking them back to hers for one night or two depending on labour length).

DCs know and understand this. They are excited about the baby and the sleepover.

DM says today please can I keep her informed how it's going so she can let DCs know etc. I said no - that once I am induced I'll not be contacting anyone until the baby is here. I know from previous labour that I will have no wish whatsoever for external contact. I also don't think it helps anyone knowing how many cm I am etc. And also DM cannot keep gob shut and will be on phone to aunties etc with progress report.

Anyway DM thinks I am being unreasonable on this. I think she just needs to tell the kids that I will call when the baby arrives. Also then we should know am I and the baby well and therefore will we be home ASAP or will they come to the hospital to see us.

Gah. Obv I am v v pregnant and cross at the world but we kind of argued about this on the phone and I am now v irritated. Surely she should understand labour is not something to be live tweeted Ffs.

And while I am at it, dB called today and said oh remember to update us how it's going. Er, what, cm by cm?that's what he did for dsil tbh and I found it very weird to know what stage of labour she was in at that moment. Is nothing bloody sacred. If it wasn't for the childcare needed for DCs I wouldn't have told them induction date and whole thing would be a surprise.

Gah.

Yanbu. If you want to keep people updated, then do but you shouldn't feel obliged to. You dont owevpeople updates.

At my local hospital you get no phone signal except in a few pockets in random corridors, so the decision is made for you. Can you have no signal or no battery?

During my last labour (home birth) I was on Facebook messenger to my sister who lives 6000 miles away, keeping her updated. She is ten weeks from having her first baby and I wanted to demystify the labour experience and share it with her.

One of my messages was just "nnnnnnnnggggghhhg"

I actually found it a nice distraction. I was by myself in the birth pool with my phone in a waterproof case and DP was upstairs putting our other children to bed. I felt less lonely messaging her. The labour was very straightforward but I was all by myself until the last 45 minutes.

However, messaging was my choice and not anything I was asked to do or made to feel I owed anybody. I obviously stopped once I could only focus on my contractions. My last message to dsis was an hour before dd was born. It was nice but only because I wanted to do it. No way would I want to update people just to keep them happy. Its called 'confinement' for a reason. Quiet and private is what you want.

I had three days between induction and baby texting my friends updates on the goings on of my labour ward kept me sane (felt like Rachel in friends, people arriving after me going on to labour before)... Just tell her you will see how it goes?

Will nobody think of the poor worried old mothers? Forget about the twins...

My grandchildren were born on the other side of the world by elective C-section and I can tell you that I did not put my head down on pillow all night for trying to be with my daughter in spirit.

You will see one day when your babes are going through this.

Good luck OP!

Gotthemoon, my mother is in a similar position (but no c-sections for me). We've discussed it very openly both times around, and both times she's made it very clear that she wants whatever will make me the least stressed and worried in terms of keeping her updated.

I really, really appreciated that. Ultimately, we agreed we'd let her know when I was actually admitted, and then nothing more until the baby was born unless it stretched on for more than a day. She suggested - and I agreed - that she didn't think that DH needed the extra pressure of being responsible for making sure she was ok, as well as himself and me.

I don't doubt it's very tough for her. But I really appreciate her approach.

No time for either of us. Told parents and that was it. Once labour was going I was frantically sucking at the gas and air and DH didn't have a free hand that he could feel...

Also signal rubbish in the hospital!

I'd be tempted to keep her updated on the induction process, but not the labour. I was induced and hung around on the ward for the best part of 24 hours before they even did anything. I text our friends looking after the dog (not quite the same I know!) after about 12 hours of waiting to let them know it would still be a while.that was the only update anyone got (hadn't told anyone else we were being induced) until baby was born.

Possible compromise, just update infrequently with mummy is fine, daddy is fine and looking after me ok, no baby yet, we love you blah blah - no graphic details, no measurements, no timing of contractions etc.

The only people who knew I was in labour were the people looking after my other children. DH phoned them first, then our parents.

Much easier way of doing things IMO.

YANBU - The last thing you want to remember to do is to check your phone and text. Tell DM no news is good news until she gets the phonecall to say all safe and well. Good luck!