To sit on my hands when I want to type mean things?

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

I belong to an online support group for one of myriad of health issues. There is one lady on there who the dwp is trying to coax into work (it is a condition you can work with if you work reduced hours). She has failed every application for PIP and ESA and used all her appeals. She's had full use of support workers and other people who've gone through the system to help her with her application but she's still not been successful. In short, the system says she's not sick enough.

I was really sympathetic and supportive and have been helping her through it on the group until she befriended me on facebook and I saw her Facebook is full of photos of her going from city to city round the UK doing LARP type activities (so highly active!) most weekends.

I've now run out of sympathy and am really struggling to sit on my hands and not say 'if you can do that then you can work'

Aibu and a nasty person?

But she is sick, right? So has a harder time than people who aren't. Must be tough to be sick and have to work, even if the government says you aren't sick enough. It can be tempting to play competitive misery but it does no one any good. Some people are naturally more stoic. Maybe she isn't.

She has the condition, yes. However she's flat out refusing to do any form of paid employment and sees the diagnosis as a get out of jail free card. I think it's the attitude in combination with the pictures that has grated on me.

Some people really don't want to work, some people really can't work. If you think she is the former then get rid of her off your Facebook list and stop letting her activities wind you up. Sounds like she is going to have to find work soon anyway if she is having her benefits restricted.

I don't think you sound like a nasty person - far from it! But I am not sure about this woman's situation. I recently applied for and recieved esa due to depression, my gp suggested it as I haven't worked for nearly a year (not claimed benefits either ). However to look at me I might not look ill.

Could you mention to her that she is doing really well to be able to x y z - that you have seen on fb, and maybe she might be able to work.?

It's hard to say without more details (understand why you can't give them) but could her gp/the support group suggest jobs she COULD do?

I think yanbu to encourage her to get back into work, but no, nothing nasty, it won't he'll her and then you will feel .

I am going back after half term doing supply (had medication, counselling nhs, private councounseling and acupuncture! ), You could suggest she try temporary/agency/casual work to 'test the water'. Good luck x

It's awkward.

I only work part time due to severe depression and people have asked me why I don't work full time.

It's because I really can't. Sometimes I pick up extra shifts but I won't commit to more hours. I suspect some peeps think I'm taking the piss.

There could be more going on than you know about.

I know a larper in this position. I have larped. It is entirely difficult to understand how a person can put that much energy into something they enjoy. But not work. But the problem is quality of life. If all of your energy literally goes on a job (you're doing to survive) and you then have none to visit friends/ family you will become more ill.
Obviously I don't know this person - but larpers have many other dkills relating to that (creative industries) that offer fairly random ad hoc work.
But, from your point of view, you are frustrated. You're not able to 'help'. Take dome space, stop getting her updates, let the situation coast without reading up on socisl media for a bit.

When my dh was of work with cfs, he was on a graded exercise programme that meant he had to 20 minutes of gentle exercise ( cycling or walking) he used to dread people seeing him, but they didn't see him in bed with exhaustion for up to 20 hrs a day.

I don't know what LARP is

Live Action Role-Playing.

Cross country fancy dress

Aha! Learnt something new. Tbh I couldn't imagine that is easy to do if you are unwell. Cross country fancy dress! Serious question - do benefit aassessors look at social media? I think they might.