To not help a friend?

[Bombaypotatoes]

Prepared to be told Iabu but I started a part time uni course last year with a friend of mine. Said friend has asked for help on every piece of work we've been given to do. I don't mind helping but it takes up so much of my time explain and showing her how to do things. And I wouldn't mind as much but if she looked at her notes or online she's find pretty much everything she needs. But it's 'easier to ask me as it makes no sense'.She also constantly asks me to check over her work but never offers to look at mine. I have 3 young kids at home so I don't have a lot of free time as it is to do work, Aibu to not want to spend all my time helping her an to tell her to work it herself? She's a good friend so don't really want to ruin the relationship.

Tell her to ask the tutor.

If its a course like chemistry/maths/English, the exam will be her undoing anyway.

If it's nursing or something, forcing her to engage more will do everyone a favour.

YANBU

That must be quite irritating! If you don't want to damage the friendship, perhaps feign ignorance yourself? Next time she asks, say "ooh I was going to ask you as I don't really get it either! Oh well, we will just have to ask the tutor". Keep going like that and after a few times, she will believe you to be as clueless as she is and leave you alone!!

I work in education and I think there may be an underlying problem here. Does your friend have any diagnosed learning difficulties such as dyslexia? If not, it may be worth encouraging her (approaching carefully of course) to get a referral for an assessment. If she does, the university will be able to make reasonable adjustments to support her which could include extra tutoring and specialised equipment.

YANBU though, having studied for my degree part time whilst working I know how hard it can be, let alone when you have children and you're trying to support your friend.

YANBU.

It's unfair of her to be demanding that you coach her through every assignment, especially if she's not even bothering to review her notes or look at the online help available.

And she's also not doing herself any favours. If she's not making the effort to try and understand it herself without getting someone else to talk her through it, then she's likely to come unstuck when it comes to exams.

I'd start telling her that I was too busy to look through her work this evening / week / month etc, or to go through the online stuff herself and ask if she still doesn't understand it.

I work in a uni library and we offer 1-1's for help with academic writing. Does your uni offer anything like this?

Is it open university? I only ask because I just started with them and on my first few pages it explicitly lays out what they would cover in potential plagiarism and it discusses using others notes. If you would like a gentle way out I would say you have been re-reading and dont think it is fair on either of you to be worried about that and that she should refer to her tutor. My first tutorial had a lot of warnings around it too. I presume brick universities have similar guidelines too.

Tell her you are really sorry but have just read about 'collaboration' and are now worried that your working so closely will jeopardise both of your efforts.

You should find the term alongside plagiarism in your student handbook.

Unauthorised Collaboration, or collusion occurs where:

1. Collaboration became collusion
2. The work submitted has resulted from collaboration with others whose contribution has not been acknowledged.

www.westminster.ac.uk/study/current-students/resources/academic-regulations/academic-conduct/excessive-collaboration

As you can see this is a very real reason why you MUST cease doing this immediately. Not to mention the drain it must be having on you.

I recognise this problem. Say no. Otherwise it is never ending and extremely time consuming.

"I had problems with that bit too, so I'm probably not the best person to explain it to you, but I found XX chapter of the notes really useful"

repeat ad infinitum!