To ask about your weirdest Christmas (lighthearted)

[SorryCantBeArsed]

Had this conversation at work today and got me wondering about other peoples. Mine is... A good few years ago I was invited to spend Christmas with friends, my then ih

well that would be the year I spent in hospital 350 miles from home awaiting spinal surgery, or perhaps the one where my mums dog lost the plot, savaged her arm and was taken of to the vet to be put down... on xmas day! we had sausages for xmas lunch that year.

The Christmas with a 6 day old baby. It had been an interesting week involving an EMCS and HDU. Christmas Day was our second full day at home and I could only sit for short phases.

With not knowing the baby situation in advance, our families had made their own plans so it was our first in our own home. Our brilliant friends were also at home so they cooked a feast and were available for meals on wheels incase we were home.

In my hormonal, sleep deprived, exhausted state, I kept sniggering empatheticly with the turkey at the thought of hands rummaging inside it with the stuffing. The feeling was a bit too fresh in my mind!

I'll always be grateful for my friends, and it was as good as it was going to get in the circumstances.

My Mum is a terrible cook and one year I wanted to make the xmas dinner but only on my terms that we had all sorts of crazy things like individual partridges instead of turkey and venison instead of beef. We bought and ordered everything on 22nd and that night I was taken into hospital with meningitis. I was released on christmas eve night once they knew it was only viral but was still too ill to cook so I lay on the sofa feeling sorry for myself while the whole family had something like spaghetti bolognaise (jar of dolmio not home made) and then they played monopoly on the ipad I'm terrible but I am glad I never missed out on too much. My Nan was dying of cancer and took my now DH to one side (who was very drunk) an told him that when she dies he was to give me a specific ring of hers and propose to me so it was all a bit of a crazy day for him too, being drunk at his in-laws, being told he were to propose (aged 22) as an old lady's dying wish while his girlfriend lay on the sofa unable to even string a sentence together from all the meds she was on!

There was always the Christmas two years ago where we were supposed to go to MIL's for breakfast before spending the day with my family. DH called her the night before to check it was all on and begged her not to have a drink that night (she has form).

So, DH called her in the morning to see if he was ready for us (we only live 15 mins away) and no answer, he called again and again every 15 mins or so to try wake her or maybe she was in the shower etc. He got a call from her mobile an hour after we were supposed to leave, turns out she had gone out xmas eve to get some bacon for the breakfast, wandered past the pub, gone in for a quick one and met a "lovely rich man", got plastered and went back to his for a one night stand!!! She is so classy, waking up Xmas morning in a strangers house the guy never called her again surprisingly...
I haven't seen MIL since before that incident as I was so horrified!

A few years ago my MIL died a few days before Christmas. She had only been ill a couple of weeks so it was fairly sudden. She was from another country so her three siblings flew from the other side of the world to try and see her before the end but she actually died just before their flight landed. There was then pandemonium while we tried to sort out the funeral arrangements, care for FI with dementia (MIL had been his carer) and accommodation for the foreign siblings none of whom had funds for hotel. One was installed at FIL's house. Sil took in one (though her daughter had to give up her bedroom). My cunt of a BIL who lived alone in a three bedroom house paid for by his doting parents and who didn't work refused to have anyone to stay as he "needed time and space to grieve". He volunteered us to have the other uncle even though we both worked FT, had a child and no spare room. I thought this was unreasonable and said so (yes I agree really bad timing on my part but BIL has form for stuff like this) which led to my DH barely speaking to me for the next three months.
Uncle was vegan but expected us to cook for him every night despite twiddling thumbs in our house all day while we were at work then sleeping on a futon in the lounge after giving up our room. Funeral directors were fully booked so funeral could not take place until January. A few days later the aunt and uncles were about to go home when it snowed horrendously and their flights were cancelled. By now it was 3 days before Christmas and it looked like they'd all have to stay which neither they nor we were terribly happy about. Finally they flew home Xmas eve. We tried to have an ok Christmas day with or son who was only little but it was so miserable and tense. It felt particularly wrong that MIL was not even buried yet.
New years day and the uncles arrived back for the funeral even though it wasn't for another week. Needless to say feckless BIL did not accommodate anyone. On the day of the funeral it snowed knee deep like I had never seen before. The funeral directors called to say they could not get the hearse up the hill and would have to cancel. FIL and one of the uncles were snowed in (rural village) and had to be rescued by friend in Range Rover after trudging over some fields. Got them installed at hotel in town after BIL wouldn't .... well you get the picture.

Funeral re booked for a week later which time only one uncle had been able to stay. It also snowed that day so although we had the service the burial couldn't take place for another two days and we couldn't go as compassionate leave (twice for funerals which hadn't taken place or concluded) had been exhausted.
Yes definitely the worst Christmas and New year ever! My MIL was always a pain in the arse but for a while she was more trouble dead than she was alive (RIP).

First xmas with dh (then boyfriend). We were young and carefree and rather than going backpacking to India or do something exciting (we both adore travelling) we decided to go for three weeks to Gran Canaria and borrow dh's uncles summer place. There was F all to do, due to bad weather swimming was impossible (and the nearby pool was rubbish).

For some reason we had said that we would not do xmas presents but dh said that he had some presents and built this up quite a bit. He then presented me with 5 wrapped parcels, which all had a sort of sweet in them. Quite sweet (sorry pun) in retrospect but it annoyed me like heck on the actual day. I think I was disappointed because it felt all so unChristmassy. It was hot, there were loads of gigantic cockroaches dashing back and forth on the terrace whilst we were trying to sunbathe, no xmas tree, no presents no xmas food.

We also stayed over New Years and went to the beach to celebrate with a Bonfire and a bottle of bubbly. At what we thought was midnight we there was absolutely nothing, no fireworks no people celebrating. We started walking back to the house in a slightly gloomy mood about an hour later when suddenly all the fireworks began... we realised we had been living on UK time for the previous 2 weeks... Anyway , we were bored stiff and I am astonished that we made it back as a couple... It was a make or break holiday.

Since I have retold this story I am now off for eggy bread Chinese style aka the best eggy bread I've ever had!!

The first Christmas I spent with DH (fiance back then) was at his parents'. His brother had brought some girl (just a 'friend', apparently) round for Christmas and decided he wanted to spend Christmas like he and DH used to (staying up all night Christmas Eve) and that I could sleep with this friend of his (who I'd never met and was really quiet and awkward) in the double bed upstairs that their mum had made up for DH and I.

DH obviously didn't want to spend his first Christmas with me in this way but didn't want to turf this poor girl out of the bed so we slept on a tiny chaise longue in the dining room with a dressing gown and our coats for blankets.

Christmas is a big deal to my family and we have loads of traditions etc. and DH was really worried about getting it 'wrong' for me so he'd even made me up a stocking...and left it at home. So, he was already annoyed about that (despite me reassuring him it didn't matter) when he made me lentil loaf for Christmas dinner (I'm vegetarian) the way my mum makes it and went to add the gravy when his dad produced Oxo cubes. Now, I'd heard the phone conversation where DH asked his dad to buy in Bisto gravy for me because it was suitable for veggies and his dad kept insisting it wasn't...yeah, he was thinking of the wrong thing. Red Oxo is not okay for veggies. Again, I insisted it didn't matter and DH's sister found some veggie stock to use but DH was really upset about it all.

Then we tried to play a board game but DH's brother's friend didn't want to join in and DH and his brother ended up in a huge argument over what the official language is in Austria. It ended with them not talking (for what it's worth, his brother was wrong and wouldn't let it go but it didn't really need to go that far).

So, the perfect Christmas DH had planned for me was...a little less than. eight years later and I can laugh about it now! I think DH might be able to laugh about in a few years...

Oh and as a pay it forward I helped one of the Chinese employee's grandmother make dumplings for Chinese new year in Feb, approx -20'C outside, stone floor house with thatched roof 4 to a bed. The grandfather (in his 80s) asked me was my house back home like this and I said oh yes. I then noticed they had put up the calendar my mum had sent them (scenes of Scotland) and the girls were wearing the tartan hair scrunchies she had made them.

Then the children approx 7/8 years old started light fireworks. In their hands. Setting them off in direction if the thatched roof. Possibly one of the weirdest nights I've ever had but also lovely (no injuries!) we played mahjong for hours and watched the president of china at the time on the old tv. Oh and we ate dumplings! (mine fell apart, the grandmother found this highly amusing, on reflection I do too )

Probably the year I got dumped by DS1 dad on Christmas Eve. That was a delightful one

1st (and only) Christmas with PIL, our kids were 11months and 2.5yrs and we had driven for 3hrs to get there.

Xmas eve they had to go out for dinner - we weren't invited but they did remember to put the turkey neck to 'simmer' for several hours to make gravy. It smelled revolting but each to their own etc etc. I was the first one up in the morning to sort out the babies milk to find that the 3 cats had gathered around the uncovered pan with neck juice in and were chewing the neck/lapping at the juice. I told MIL and PIL as soon as they got up and thought no more of it- imagine my surprise when the self same gravy appeared on the dinner table, I nearly vaulted the table to prevent any of it being poured on mine, DH and the kid's plates.

That was just one part of the joy of that Xmas!

Probably the year I had pneumonia Xmas day and wasnt up to anything really except lie in bed stoned out of my tree.

The doctor I had seen 2 days earlier was determined to keep me out of hospital, and I wasnt too keen to be in there myself tbh, so he had been somewhat lavish with his prescription pad. Interesting times.

That was the weekend I, as an adult believed that Santa was real and spent several morphine addled hours arguing with DH about it.

The year I went no contact with my narc mother was pretty weird - we had a build up of drama prior to Christmas and then she decided she had the winter vomiting bug, a 48 hour sickness which she had for 3 weeks but could still stay on the phone for 2 hours straight without throwing up or going to the loo. She decided that she couldn't see my sister and I at christmas but still wanted her presents so we had to come to her flat, drop the presents in the hall and pick up what she had got for us which she'd lovingly wrapped in bin bags. We then had to go home and skype her so she could watch us unwrap them.

Not wanting another drama we did as we were told, despite apparantly being sick and contagious, she did open her door and come out to breathe on us and criticise what we had brought. We then went home and skyped her. We were on the skype for over an hour while we opened her dreadful presents and tried to pretend we were grateful, but also had to wait while she answered the phone to everyone of her friends who she had told to phone her then despite knowing we were supposed to be on the skype. Presents included a farting monster for me (I was 37 at the time and have no kids) and a book of fancy cupcakes for sister who loathes those things, mum was aware of that.

We got off the computer only for her to phone back 20 minutes later to demand we go shopping for her - on Christmas day with nothing open.
She then phoned constantly through the day to interrupt our other plans and then went into a sulk because I mentioned a present my father bought me in a facebook post and didn't mention her presents.
The thing is she usually loves Christmas because she can be the centre of attention as long as we do all the workso would never try to sabotage it.
We had reduced the amount of time we were spending catering to her whims though so it may have been revenge for that

This will out me to anyone who knows me but I can't resist! Mine was our first Christmas with DS1. He was born on Dec 12th and about a week later, my lovely old cat (17yo), who had been poorly with kidney problems for a while, was showing distressing signs of dementia - one sign of which was incontinence - and was clearly suffering. So, we made the sad decision to have her put to sleep three days before Christmas. It was also a very cold winter, and on Christmas Eve, the waste pipe from the toilet got blocked and froze up, leading the toilet to back up. We couldn't get a plumber out until the 27th, so had to resort to using a lidded bucket which we then had to manually empty into the outside drain.

So, picture Christmas Day. We are dealing with a newborn who has chosen this point to spend large parts of the day screaming inconsolably. We're shitting into a bucket. It's freezing out. We're both grieving for our beautiful cat. And then in the afternoon, DH gets a terrible migraine, and has to go to bed at 5pm.

Not the best Christmas I've ever had! We refer to it as 'the poo Christmas'. We can laugh about it now, but at the time...

Pombear I actually have tears in my eyes at your story. I love your neighbour.

Last Xmas I came down with dreadful flu on 21st. DD1 fell ill on 23rd.
We had to cancel our Xmas plans with friends (I am SP so no P to help). DD2 was 3 and basically survived for 5 days on toast, clementines and chocolate. She very much enjoyed being "in charge" and still talks about it.

The day before Xmas I got to supermarket to get chicken etc in thinking I would make the effort although DD1 and i still had no appetite.
I cooked dinner - roast chicken and veg and gravy.

DD2 didn't want her chicken (probably down to all the chocolates and clementines) and stated very firmly that she would "only eat the Brussel sprouts so there".

It was the Xmas of 100 films.

The Christmas my awful ex and I had swine flu was pretty memorable. We had been sick for days, and his parents drove us over a plate of Christmas dinner each. I remember us sitting there in pyjamas, the windows wide open because we both had a temperature, wearing the hats from the crackers and trying half-heartedly to eat Christmas dinner! Not a great time.

Does new year count, at the Millenium I could not drink in case I had to go to work to counter the Millenium bug that never appeared so at midnight I found myself in a strange house surrounded by pissed pensioners with a greyhound lying asleep and farting on the floor. To add to this joy Flannegan and Allen was the music of choice. At midnight fireworks were set of and the greyhound roused from his deep sleep shot upright and pissed on my foot. I organise new year now.

I've just read this out to DH. Took about 4 attempts because I kept corpsing and doing that weird wheezy squeal when I couldn't get the words out.

It resonates even more because we have 3 firework hating greyhounds. We were at a friends place last Hogmanay and when they started banging and whizzing outside 2 of them bolted upright and shat/pished on the rug in unison.

The Christmas when I was 13 my Mum sent me down to stay at my sister's house. She promised my sister she would send money for presents but didn't, so on Christmas morning I watched my nieces and nephew open presents, and my sister and her partner, and didn't have anything myself.

The only gift I had at the time was slippers my dad had given me on Christmas eve as I wasn't seeing him on the day. I accidentally stepped on one of my neices presents, a cheap plastic pencil case, and it broke the hinge so from then on wasn't allowed to wear my slippers.

I have spoken to my sister years later and her response was that my mother had been so evil not to send any money (I didn't get any gifts from her that year), but she didn't remember at all taking my slippers away, and that was the thing which upset me most at the time.

Christmas four years ago was memorable because my gran announced how fat I'd gotten. I managed to avoid her until the following Christmas, where she continued her speech about how fat and greedy I was (because I dared to help myself to a bowl of vegetable soup at 11am as I'd skipped breakfast and dinner wasn't served until 3pm), even though I had lost three stone and was wearing a size 12 dress

Apparently she had similarly ruined Christmas for my auntie 20 years previously by asking her casually, 'so, have you always been fat or is it a recent thing?'

I'd like to point out that she is 4' 11 and a size 20 so hardly a picture of fucking health and fitness

Don't think I've ever laughed at a thread before but the first 5 posts had me crying with laughter

Random Christmas in Australia where I went for breakfast with my flatmate and his mother to a Vietnamese restaurant (only place open on Xmas day morning) then to a park for a walk afterwards for a walk.

In the afternoon me and flatmate went to his dad's house for a BBQ which was very nice. After dinner, his dad and new wife announced they were going to bed to have sex!

So me and flatmate and his sister and her invited German exchange student guest were sat twiddling our thumbs on the porch.

Not sure why the flatmate (who looked like Clark Gable) invited me really, he turned out to be gay unfortunately but maybe he was just being nice.

The first Christmas we spent with the in laws was awful. They really are a miserable pair. We arrived with sil and her dc. Exchanged presents, fil is an amateur photographer (meaning the has expensive equipment but can't manage any decent photos) he took photos of the DC opening gifts, then disappeared upstairs all day to edit them on his computer.

Mil was cooking. All the food was put on plates in the kitchen,microwaved, then bought out one by one each time the microwave pinged. The first two had finished eating and left the table by the time everyone had theirs. There was no talking just scoffing. Bil also came for lunch. He was there for the 10mins it took him to eat then left.

After dinner mil and fil wanted to watch different tv programmes so she sat upstairs to watch hers.

Christmas at home was loads of food and family games and constant chatter.

Pil thought it was a great day having everyone together

Christmas eve 1999 my great gran died, no one told us kids(I was 10) until boxing day evening but we knew something was wrong as Granny was crying into the gravy and no one was talking.

Christmas a few years ago my uncle had a heart attack during dinner, but had taken himself into the other room claiming indigestion so no one knew until there was a loud bang of him falling off his chair unconscious. Cue ambulances, paramedics, crying children, nightmare!

A nice quiet family Christmas would be lovely, however both me and DH come from large families so we visit 6 houses between Christmas eve and boxing day, no relaxing for us!

Christmas 2013 was another memorable one for me as i gave birth to DS early Boxing Day morning.

We spent Christmas Day at DH's aunties, lots of fun etc, but as DS was already overdue I was kind of paranoid. Felt the entire day feeling like I needed a massive poo.

It got to 9pm and I ordered DH to finish chatting and take me home. Made sure I ate a massive supper as knew I'd need my strength!

Started contractions towards midnight, slept till 5am, went to hospital, 5cms dialated, DS born at 9.36am via EMCS as was breech! ??