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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let my 12 y/o & 6 y/o DDs go to the cinema alone?

70 replies

Joolsy · 14/10/2015 15:47

What I mean is, I will obviously take them in but they'll be watching the film without me. They are both v. sensible & I would be in the vicinity or a few mins walk away should they need me (DD1 has a phone which she could go outside of the screen with DD2 to ring me).

OP posts:

Obs2015 · 14/10/2015 16:56

I haven't done this, but do have ds's with that age gap and know that they would absolutely love it. Both have been to the cinema many times and are not frightened and know what behaviour is expected.

00100001 · 14/10/2015 17:10

Oh you have to just ignore the "but waht if something happened???" brigade.

12 is fine to be sitting with a 6 year old.

Worst comes to the wrost, 12 yo can text you to rescue them!!

Elvish · 14/10/2015 17:13

As a child of about 11/12 (can't really remember) I used to take my little cousins to the cinema.

I would get the bus from my house to my GPs (about 5 miles away), pick up the 2 cousins who were about 6 & 8 and take them on the bus to the cinema, then on the bus back to GPs before I took myself back home again.

I once took my Grandma's NDN's DD with us too, she was about 4 and I did feel like that was a bit more of a responsibility.

I don't know if I would let my 6yo DD go to the cinema with someone else's 12yo on public transport but I would be quite happy for her to go if I dropped them off and sat outside.

Hulababy · 14/10/2015 17:19

At 12y I looked after my younger sister - she would have been younger than 6y too. I was sensible.

DD is 13.5y and we have suggested she may be able to look after a close friend's almost 8y on an INSET day soon. I think she would be fine. He would definitely listen to her and not argue.

So, I'd be happy for a 12y and 6y to be in the cinema together - so long as both are sensible and 6y knows to listen to his big sister. You will be in the vicinity so they are not being left for long, or miles from help.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 17:27

"6yo finds the film too scary
6yo drops drink all down himself
6yo gets picked on by someone being a prat
6yo falls over and smacks his head open in the dark
6yo argues with 12yo re doing anything and refuses to do as told
12yo finds power goes to his head and bosses 6yo about and 6yo rebels and runs off and hides
6yo wonders off and the 12yo doesnt notice as they're watching the film
6yo wants to go to the toiler and 12yo doesnt want to take him"

first 3. The 12 year old either deals with it or takes 6 year old out to mum. 4th. I have never, in a very long life, heard of anyone smacking their head open in the cinema. Last 4 - I refer the honourable member to my previous answer about my being a failure as a parent if I had brought up a 6 and 12 year old who couldn't behave in a cinema, or a 12 year old who wasn't prepared to to and capable of looking after their own 6 year old sibling for 90 minutes. In the cinema or elsewhere.

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2015 17:34

It's not the 12 year-old who could be the problem. It's the 6 year-old. Do they always do what their sibling tells them to?

Hulababy · 14/10/2015 17:36

6yo finds the film too scary -> 12y texts mum who comes to collect 6yo

6yo drops drink all down himself -> 12y texts mum who comes to collect
6yo or tells 12y he will be ok to stay wet

6yo gets picked on by someone being a prat ->12y texts mum who tells cinema staff to sort out the "prat" or 12y alerts staff to the "prat"

6yo falls over and smacks his head open in the dark -> a rather rare occurence I would think, however 12y texts mum who comes to collect 6yo

6yo argues with 12yo re doing anything and refuses to do as told -> mum tells them both in advance of expectations, who is in charge and to what extent - and that if 6y doesn't do as told he will have to leave; if 6y does argue, etc then 12y texts mum who comes to collect 6yo

12yo finds power goes to his head and bosses 6yo about and 6yo rebels and runs off and hides -> mum tells them both in advance of expectations, who is in charge and to what extent - and any arguments/issues with bossiness or not listening then they will both have to leave and it won't ever happen again; however - if an issue and 6y hides then 12y texts mum who comes to collect 6yo (and 12y if being bossy)

6yo wonders off and the 12yo doesn't notice as they're watching the film -> again, another rare occurrence I would think; 12y told to put 6y on inside of her, not next to aisle; if 6y did go missing then 12y to alert mum immediately and also to alert cinema staff

6yo wants to go to the toiler and 12yo doesnt want to take him -> 12y told of expectations beforehand and 6y told he only goes if necessary; most children ime can manage 90 minutes without a week. However 12y must take if need be; see above re never happening again if any issues.

00100001 · 14/10/2015 17:38

jeepers - why are people so quick to assume the VERY WORST would happen?

What if there's a mass murder on the loose???

What if there's a BOMB?

What if WWIII begins?

honestly...

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 14/10/2015 17:41

Yes I would

at the list of what ifs

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/10/2015 17:41

Goodness me, some drama llamas here. It'll be fine Op. There is a six year age gap between me and my sister. From when I was six my dad would drop us at the cinema, once a month, to watch a film together whilst he went to the building society etc. Never once a problem. If you have raised your kids to a normal standard they are perfectly capable of behaving. Go for it!

EddieStobbart · 14/10/2015 17:41

I covered the above with "be nice to each other or you won't get to do this again" and giving them water bottles with only a small amount the drink. Film was a U and they'd both seen the first film in the series so I felt confident they wouldn't be scared. If it was a PG, I don't think I would have let them do it.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 17:45

"It's not the 12 year-old who could be the problem. It's the 6 year-old. Do they always do what their sibling tells them to?"

In my experience more often than when a parent does. But I would say absolutely when it's "Here, let's sit down and watch a fillm together- here's your popcorn and I've got your drink for when you want it"

redskybynight · 14/10/2015 17:46

I don't think people always expect the worst, it's a question of risk assessing.

For me that most likely situation would be that the 6 year old wouldn't stop talking and would make themselves unpopular, and the 12 year old wouldn't have enough authority to shut them up. Which is hardly a life or death situation but not much fun for others who are trying to watch the film.

My children had never been to the cinema when they were 6, so would have had no idea how to behave in one. (which obviously makes me a bad parent)

laffymeal · 14/10/2015 17:48

Anything can happen anywhere. If we lived our lives to the "what if" mantra, no one would do anything, ever.

I don't think it's a terrible idea at all. Give it a go with clear ground rules, be around if "anything" happens and try and give them some trust and responsibility.

Beats me how parents expect their children to miraculously develop self reliance and common sense when they never let them actually DO anything.

thenewbroom · 14/10/2015 17:52

I don't think it's fair on the 12 year-old. maybe if the younger one were 8 but 6 is young.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 18:02

"For me that most likely situation would be that the 6 year old wouldn't stop talking and would make themselves unpopular, and the 12 year old wouldn't have enough authority to shut them up. Which is hardly a life or death situation but not much fun for others who are trying to watch the film"

So the 12 year old texts mum who comes and gets the 6 year old.

redskybynight · 14/10/2015 18:10

MN is funny. A while ago I floated the idea of leaving my 9 year old and 11 year old on their own for an hour after school once a week, and ended up with posters telling me that this was tantamount to child abuse. And yet, a 6 year old and 12 year old in a public place the majority think is fine.

EddieStobbart · 14/10/2015 18:10

I think it's all down to the individual child. I have more confidence in DC1 since she and a friend got lost in a wood just before dark. I phoned the police and was running around. In the meantime, she got them home and most reassuringly for me, explained a really sensible strategy she was going to use to contact me if DH hadn't been in (knock on neighbours that we know well and ask to use their phone to call me as she knows my mobile number, if all out go to corner shop and ask staff if could call from there). I was surprised by her presence of mind and have had more trust in her since. DC2 generally behaves if she gets to do what the "big ones" are doing, doesn't want to blow it.

imip · 14/10/2015 18:18

Depending on the 6yo, I would actually just sit outside the cinema where it's nice and quiet and mumsnet he whole time. You'd be just through the door, so they could come and get you if they were unhappy. I wouldn't leave from the outside of the cinema doors though - they usually have comfy chairs, right. Obviously I'd have a coffee with me also :-)

I'm really strict about Dcs going places by themselves, but perhaps this is the age where you can make that move to make them think they have independence, but you are still only about 20 steps away....

At our local cinema at the kids club you are allowed to leave them once they are 8yo (again, I'd contemplate sitting just outside the door), adults are not allowed in unless they are accompanied by minors.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/10/2015 18:24

redsky were you expecting your children to let themselves in? There is a massive difference between taking your kids to the cinema, buying them a box of popcorn, letting them watch a film and leaving children in a house where people may knock at the door, they may knock something over, accidentally turn on the gas etc. The cinema is far safer.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2015 18:33

Redsky- I would have thought that was absolutely fine too.

What has it being a public space got to do with it?

redskybynight · 14/10/2015 19:46

Why would the cinema be safer than a private home (genuinely interested, surely there are as many things that could happen if we are going down the "what if" scenarios)?

Public space = less control of what goes on around you. Your children might be wonderfully behaved but you can't account for what others might do.

Happfeet2911 · 14/10/2015 19:52

The cotton wool generation is obviously getting older, 12 year olds are at secondary school, hopefully getting there under their own steam although I doubt it with some of these 'what if' parents about. I used to get on a couple of buses and go to croydon, get a train to london and the even the kent coast with my friends at that age and people on here would not let a child that age sit in a cinema with a younger sibling, words fail me!

pootlebug · 14/10/2015 19:53

"It's not the 12 year-old who could be the problem. It's the 6 year-old. Do they always do what their sibling tells them to?"

I would agree if the 12 year old were babysitting the 6 year old for the evening at home. But they are watching a film ffs. There isn't a 'what their sibling tells them to do' - they both want to watch the film. Take them to the loo beforehand so no-one needs to go out during it.

Lweji · 14/10/2015 19:54

I would.

Particularly if they are both responsible and get along together.

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