Sorry this is long because it is also a bit cathartic.
I shall preface this by saying that I suffer with anxiety and a v v low self esteem which always makes me want to put others' needs before my own and blame myself for anything and everything. This gets me into all sorts of difficult situations that are ultimately my fault, I know. But in this case, I feel absolutely terrible because this person knew my problems and took full advantage. But I can't think clearly enough to understand whether IABU or not to feel the way I do. Please help me understand. Kindly if you can.
Last year, I attended a training course and was placed in a job with another lady from the course. I am a mother with 2 grown up children not much older than her and we didn't have much in common at all but I liked her and we became friends. I suppose we both relied on eachother, being new in a stressful job. After a short while she started asking me for lifts to work in my car. Although she lived in the same town she lived at the other end and it meant I had to drive to the other end of town to pick her up only to then have to drive all the way back to my end of town because that is where we had to pick up the main road to get into work.
I was happy to do this because I thought we had become friends. Although she was a lot younger than me we had a good laugh to and from work and shared many thoughts and problems. Some mornings I would have to go and pick her up extra early because she was upset after rowing with her BF etc and I would offer her a lot of support. I suppose you could say I felt a bit protective of her in a motherly kind of way. So when she would bitch and swear in the car about people at work, although it made me feel uncomfortable, I thought to myself that she's just a bit immature but is essentially a good person. I thought maybe my subtle "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that"-type-comments might rub off and calm her down a bit.
After a year or so of doing this it became clear that I was not meeting her expectations of friendship. If I did not text her over the weekend for example, she would become sulky and bitch about me to other people. (But still accept my lifts to and from work). One time we had talked about going out for a meal the following Tuesday and would sort out the details nearer the time. But when I called her she told me she was busy now and couldn't come out because she was enjoying an evening in because "I hadn't bothered to call her to make arrangements as a proper friend would".
She knew full well about my anxiety \self esteem problem and used it to take more and more advantage of me. Both at work and outside. She never once offered to contribute to petrol etc knowing that I felt uncomfortable to ask. Sometimes after work I would take her food shopping - she would hint that she only had rent money left knowing that I would probably pay for her food. Which I did.
There are countless more examples, which I know only go to show how weak and useless I am.
As time went on she gradually outgrew her need for me - I left work and she didn't even wish me well or sign my leaving card with anything more than a smiley face. I wrote her a nice email to say I am sad she no longer feels she wants to be friends but wishing her all the best. No response. Having initially encouraged me set up a FB account she deleted me and blocked me and now I am afraid to use it.
My problem is that I feel v hurt - as though my own child or good friend has disowned me - and even though all this was over a year ago, it STILL hurts and I cannot get it out of my mind.
AIBU to feel this way and is she an awful person or is this all my fault and nothing to do with her? What did I do wrong?