To ask parents not to come because of drinking?

[FartemisOwl]

I probably am being unreasonable here, so I'm prepared for answers.
Basically, I recently decided to remove alcohol from my life as it was controlling me, rather than me controlling it, and although it's early days, I'm doing okay with it.
However, my parents, both of who drink a fair bit of red wine every night and have done ever since I can remember are due to visit us for a few days (they live hours away so don't see us that often.)
They know of my decision, but that won't stop DF from bringing loads of wine with him, as its 'my problem' not his. Bearing in mind that when they've stayed before when I was on antibiotics and found it hard to stay off the booze, he still kept on in front of me, and said he'd go home if he couldn't have his wine.
I know I'm going to have to deal with people drinking in front of me sooner or later, and im prepared for that, but I'm worried about putting myself at risk of failing this early on. Would I be unreasonable just to ask them not to come for a few weeks? Or should I just pull up my big girl pants, grit my teeth and suck it up?

I think there is a chasm between seeing your parents drinking and seeing other people drinking.

There are many ways inwhich normal people don't affect me, but my parents do.

So by not wanting to watch them drinking, you are not failing - you may well be fine around other people in a pub or even in your house.

Parents just have a special effect on you that is far harder to deal with/counter in your mind. So don't feel that you have to be able to cope with them, if you are ever going to succeed at this, and that it's a terrible sign if you don't want to go there yet.

If you don't postpone then perhaps stock up on a lot of Schloer or whatever it is called and have your own special 'wine' glass.

You are not wrong to want to keep your environment as alcohol-free as possible at this stage of your own recovery, and Italiangreyhound is right, you need to frame it to them as all about you.

That means for them either going out to the pub without you if they genuinely feel they need to drink or not drinking during this stay.

They either agree or don't come/postpone/stay in a Travelodge.

You will encounter a lot of resistance, we once tried to have an alcohol-free children's event and my husband's parents smuggled in some alcohol!

Firstly, well done! Sounds like your doing brilliantly when my alcohol dependant dm stopped drinking she found it so difficult to be around alcohol and we cancelled Christmas one year because she thought it might start her off again.
I would ring and explain your dilemma and rearrange their visit for another time when you are feeling stronger. You'll be so disappointed if you go back to it now.
Good luck with it all.

Well done OP, and don't let them spoil this for you.

This thread is very interesting for me. My DH suffered terrible problems with alcohol in his 20s (before we got together), while living back at home. His own life was hell and he made his parents and siblings life very difficult.

I am always pissed off baffled by his parents (his mother in particular) attitude to alcohol around him now, only 10 or so years later, after he has managed to beat this. They have no qualms about plying him with alcohol when we go round and always seem surprised when he says no to it. They treat every bloody occasion as a chance for him to have 'a few drinkys' FGS, have they just forgotten his past?

I have never broached this subject with him (i just quietly seeth at them and feel bad for him and proud of him at the same time). i wouldn't know how to phrase it.

as its 'my problem' not his.

There's two reasons he might say that, both of them bad.

One is that he's an alcoholic who can't function without drink. Not someone you want around while you're trying to alter your behaviour.

Alternatively, he's not able to imagine you not doing what he says, because he thinks of you as a child and your house as an extension of his. Also a reason to postpone until he sees reason.

Postpone or let them know that any alcohol in the house will be tipped down the sink.