Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else has had their life ruined by anxiety?

34 replies

BoiledOnions · 13/10/2015 20:21

Just that really.

I've suffered with anxiety all of my life, it began when I was a child. I was always a worrier and automatically assumed the worst in every situation. This has got much worse as I've got older and anxiety consumes my whole existence. I may have a few good days/weeks but it inevitably comes back again. I was on anti depressants for a year and because I thought I was better I stopped taking them, and for a while I was ok but of course it came back again.

So I worry about ridiculous things that might never happen. Mainly my worries are centred on awful things happening to my family, friends and even my pets. If one of my parents says they feel unwell I automatically thing they are dying or about to drop dead. They are not getting any younger and so obviously their health isn't as good as it used to be, but really I have no evidence to really suggest that they are going to die it's just my over active imagination.

Recently I've been fine until today, but I've had a lot of physical health problems over the past few weeks and it seems to have reawakened my anxiety. I just don't know what to do, whenever I feel like I'm getting better it seems to come back again and I feel like I'm never really free of it. There have even been occasions when I'm worrying badly and I can't remember what I'm worrying about!

I feel my life has been ruined by it. How can I get over it?

OP posts:
RachelZoe · 13/10/2015 20:25

I had crippling anxiety when I was younger, like as bad as it can get anxiety. I had therapy (CBT mainly) and did a lot of self help, it's stayed away for years and years and years now.

Therapy/medication/self help, a combination of those things or a couple of them are the way past it. Lot's of exercise and watching your diet too. It takes a huge amount of work but with the right help and support, it can be done, and quite quickly sometimes!

Have you spoken to you GP about talking therapies? Could you afford to go privately? Can you also go back on your medication?

Drained12345 · 13/10/2015 20:29

I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder some years ago. Totally get where you're coming from. Mirtazapine (antidepressant) was the med that really helped the anxiety but I put on a lot of weight so chose to come off it. Am on Sertraline now and occasional diazepam. Just wanted to say that I get it

Drained12345 · 13/10/2015 20:32

The reason for weight gain was that it increased my appetite. If you're careful over what you eat then it probably wouldn't affect you like that. Yes also to counselling and exercise.

catfordbetty · 13/10/2015 20:36

Why didn't you resume the anti-depressants when your symptoms returned?

Senpai · 13/10/2015 20:40

Yes. Anti-anxiety meds helped tremendously.

StarlingMurmuration · 13/10/2015 20:42

I'm getting CBT to help with my horrible crippling anxiety, which has got worse since DS was born last November. He had trouble gaining weight at one pint and now my anxiety is completely focused on his eating enough and getting fatter, it's really screwed me up. I lost both my mum and brother in the last five years to unexpected and very quick illnesses so I'm utterly terrified of something similar happening to DS or DP. I've had three CBT sessions but to be honest it's not really helping yet. It's definitely worth you trying to get this on the NHS though, if your doctor would refer you?

counttotenandbreathe · 13/10/2015 20:42

I have never been on meds but do suffer anxiety mainly health related about myself and others. Always fear the worst that kind of thing however my mum passed away suddenly and although yes it is the single worst thing ever to happen in my life it appears to have eased my anxiety. I admit immediately after every ache or pain I was convinced was cancer (mum died from leukemia) but as that has passed and I have coped (just!) with everything my anxiety is less. I'm not saying it's gone but it's tons better so it doesn't have to govern who you are and you can beat it x hth

Original poster
BoiledOnions · 13/10/2015 20:44

I didn't want to become dependent on anti depressants but now I realise I would probably be better off going back on them. When I started taking them originally they took a long time to get into my system and I had to take time off work because I was like a zombie for a few weeks.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 13/10/2015 20:44

Have you tried a talking therapy?

How old are you?

When I was 25-29 I was an extremely anxious person.

I'm much better now (age 53).

I don't think you can say your life has been ruined by anxiety until you have really put some effort in to overcoming it.

Original poster
BoiledOnions · 13/10/2015 20:48

I'm 33 Mintyy.

It does sound like an overreaction, but that's how I feel. I think of all the things that I could have done and which anxiety has stopped me from doing. I always wanted to travel, have a proper career, have a family of my own but anxiety has stopped me from doing that.

I did have CBT for a while, but seem to have completley relapsed.

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 13/10/2015 20:49

Dependence on ADs must be better than a life ruined by anxiety. I think you should give them another go.

ziggyziggy · 13/10/2015 20:53

i have a lot of historical anxiety and still get bouts of it occasionally but have come a really long way in working through it.

what really helped me was the lightning process - there's a book here: www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Life-You-Love-Now/dp/1781801746

it's pretty life changing if you actually keep up with doing it at the times you need to do it, it also teaches you about recognising when you're "doing" anxiety which is important. Well worth a read and properly using the process works amazingly (for me at least).

also I recently gave up gluten which strangely helped no end to really make me feel tons less anxious - apparently a lot of people are gluten intolerant and one of the ways it can show itself (without any digestive issues being present) is anxiety - so many people have found their anxiety disappears when they give it up and strangely it worked for me (the book Wheat Belly explains more about this). I read online tons of testimonials of people who said it completely disappeared when they gave up gluten products. Also some of the chemicals used on it can trigger anxiety. Given how prevalent gluten is in our diets it's no surprise that if you're affected by it that stopping it can make a real difference to how you feel quite quickly.

Finally addressing a vitamin D deficiency made a real difference to how I felt - apparently most people are deficient in this country - so it might be worth getting levels checked - a week or so after supplementing a high spray dose (little spray bottle) i felt tons tons tons better and my mental health improved no end.

Hope things get better for you OP!

Original poster
BoiledOnions · 13/10/2015 21:48

Interesting about the vitamin D thing as I do find that my symptoms get worse in the autumn/winter time when the days get shorter, so I will definitely look into that.

OP posts:
aNutAboveTheBreast · 14/10/2015 02:05

You may have seen these already, they're the resources I was sign posted to when struggling with social anxiety. Hopefully they can help someone here. Sorry not sure how to do links on my phone:

www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44

I struggled with the above to be honest. Then I watched an episode of Ally McBeal where her therapist tells her to get a theme tune. I decided National Express by The Divine Comedy was suitably upbeat, so now when I feel that rush of anxiety shoot through me I start singing it in my head and it distracts me enough to enable me to finish my shopping, pay for drinks, greet the postman etc. Not dancing becomes the tricky part.

Look up all the advice you can and find out what works for you. It may be just breathing through it. Drinking a glass of water. Having a theme tune. Changing your diet (I avoid coffee and sugar - they drastically increase my anxiety levels!)

Good luck :-)

mimishimmi · 14/10/2015 02:54

I wouldn't say my life has been ruined exactly but I have always been super anxious about fascism. As has my family to some extent due to history but it seems to have crippled me a bit more when it comes to daily life. I worry and obsess over world politics and shenanigans I can't control. Like you I often assume the worst. I did take AD's for a while after DS's birth but they turned me into a zombie.

Mermaidhair · 14/10/2015 03:04

Onions , if you have anxiety that effects you, it is important to stay on your medication. Would you come off medication for another illness or disease? My anxiety will be with me for life so I stay on my medication. Who cares if I become dependant on it! I'm not going to exist for eternity taking meds.

SparklySlippers · 14/10/2015 15:34

I have recently come off ADs for anxiety and depression and my God it was hard. Had a stressful year: new house, wedding and new job but i got through it. Still had some very sleepless nights and crying periods. However the house is great and the wedding was great. I find difficult people/situations increase anxiety alot so i remove myself from them ie i have got rid of a friend who was overbearing/ forceful and changed my job. I think they key for me is not doing too much at once and if i get these feelings distract myself. I would so love to be laid back and carefree maybe one day it will happen!

Original poster
BoiledOnions · 14/10/2015 16:10

Sounds awful but I think my family feed my anxiety. I love them, but my parents are very overbearing/intefering. If they go away on holiday and I'm out of contact with them I feel so much more relaxed. I know they mollycoddle me a bit due to my issues, but they stiffle me and make it worse.

OP posts:
Arcadia · 14/10/2015 16:23

Hi I really feel for you OP. I hAve struggled on and off for years with it and it is physically exhausting too. I had a period on ADs when I got low too and they did help but increased the anxiety when coming on and off. I am now 41 and find it is decreasing a bit as I get older as one of the other posters said. I am now doing a mindfulness meditation course which really helps you to learn to switch your mind off and worry less. There are some good books with CDs abvailable, e.g. The 'finding peace in a frantic world' one where they are doable lengths of 8-15 mins. Yoga is also brilliant for me but not a quick fix as I have been doing in for 20 years! Exercise also good. Cutting out caffeine can help and keeping blood sugars stable by cutting down on sugar and processed foods.

BYOSnowman · 14/10/2015 16:32

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I haven't lived. All my choices are framed by my anxiety so I have always played it safe. I feel like my life has been a bit pointless really.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 14/10/2015 16:46

I have suffered from anxiety for a long time, it comes and goes a little - I was on medication for a while but found I really didn't feel like myself on it and so decided to come off it. I was a lot better for a long time, but the last 3/4 months it has come back - mine is mostly health anxiety which I find exhausting.

I am reading a book at the moment which is helping hugely, I feel a lot better in just a week. It's called 'I want to change my life: How to overcome anxiety, depression and addiction'.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 14/10/2015 16:47

I know this feeling.
I have OCD and its the anxiety that is, for me, the real kicker. Some days I'll be OK and then something will happen and WHAM! the anxiety kicks in and I'm frozen by it. I can't seem to explain how paralysing it is when it hits, I just stop.
It got worse last year after ds2 was born. He was slightly prem and I was worried for good reasons and it got hard to stop. I pick up on what people day to me and worry over it in my head, getting something very minor out of context and turning it into a big thing. My mind just won't let me stop.
Or I'll stress for days over something I've said or done to someone, again something trivial, and I'll worry and worry, even to the point of it disrupting my sleep.
It has improved recently, but I don't think I'll eve be free of it.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 14/10/2015 16:48

Day? Say.

TaliZorah · 14/10/2015 16:48

I suffer(ed) from severe anxiety. I'm currently okay but I know I will have times when it'll come back. Mine started in childhood too, I can rember being convinced my parents would die coming home from work as young as 5. I had my first panic attack at 6. I'm constantly scared of "something bad" hapenning. My diagnosis is (at the moment) depression and generalised anxiety disorder with panic disorder.

I'm a lot better with antidepressants and CBT has helped. The one I still have badly is every minor illness I get, I get convinced I'll die. It's horrible because I can't rationalise that it's just a cold I'll convince myself I have pneumonia or TB.

Anxiety sucks.

Sazzle41 · 14/10/2015 17:52

I have suffered from anxiety for years and it truly can sabotage you. I think talking therapy makes you worry more tho. Going over stuff made me dwell more. Whats better is cognitive behavioural therapy as it gives you common sense strategies to cope with it and stop it. Buy CBT for Dummies and see what you think first. (2nd handones are dirt cheap on Amazon. Mine comes back on and off but at least now i have the skills to manage and reduce it when it does. And I still take v low dose anti d's too.