To think I have failed as a parent?

[Pinkoyster795]

I have posted about this before. DS is 4.6. He is intelligent, sweet and articulate but at the moment, the majority of the time I am struggling to like him. I know this is the most awful thing I can say as a mother, but really it's how I feel.

He shouts a lot, is grumpy and irritable and just a handful really. I am genuinely struggling to cope. He started school in Sept, which obv means he's tired at pick-ups, which contributes so some melt-downs, but in DS's case he is angry from the moment he wakes to when he sleeps. Other people do not notice-he's well-behaved at school, and already settled. My mum and MIL say he's the sweetest boy. He just seems to behave horridly with me (which I understand to a large extent as I'm his 'safe haven'), but some days I literally cannot tolerate his bad behaviour any more.

Please, can anyone advise me of what I can do? I want to enjoy motherhood-he and younger sibling are my entire world-but it's so hurtful to have him constantly shout at me. I always try and keep my temper in check, as I know he will mirror it, so I don't know why he's like this. Younger sibling is starting to shout at me too.

Sorry if this post sounds really pathetic and whiney. Mumsnet has really helped me in the past, and seeking help from you lovely people again :(

xx

Just to let you know you aren't the only one feeling this way.

Ds1 is very much like this he fast approaches 4. Lots of my friends with children are also going through the same thing.

If it's any consolation my dd went through a stage like this not quite as bad though and now 12 months down the line we have a fabulous relationship

I guess the famous mn quote can be applied.

It's just a phase, this too shall pass

Bless, it must be really hard.

The good news is he is an angel a school and elsewhere, cling on to that!

Could you try giving him more attention and talking to him about how he feels. Eg asking him why he is so cross with mummy all the time and what would make him feel better? Perhaps he needs help to process his feelings about things - he is still very small.

Try special times with just him? There are few children who don't respond positively to one to one attention.

Good luck.

No amazing solution I'm afraid but just letting you know you're not the only one. My DD is five, just started school. Everyone else thinks she is an angel but she is physically violent towards me. I'm disabled and she's big for her age, she's actually injured me badly enough that I've been in pain for a few days after and unable to use my arm properly. Preschool were absolutely astounded when I told them, the couldn't believe it (well they could, as in they didn't think I was lying, it just seemed so out of character for her). I hate to say it but I took to locking her in her room. I couldn't get out of her way as she kept following me around hitting me and I've got a younger one to protect. She'd follow me up to her room so then I could leg it out and lock her in (had to take the handle off the door with a screwdriver as no actual lock) until she calmed down. She is getting a bit better as she gets older though. I try to make sure she has time to run around outside and burn off energy as much as possible. Sorry I can't be more help, but I personally don't feel I'm a failure as a parent and neither are you, we're just having a bit of a bad patch.