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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be horrified that people may know I've viewed their Facebook page?

348 replies

icouldjusteatacroissant · 12/10/2015 14:05

Facebook deny it, but there's massive talk on the net that if you look at someone's page, you pop up on their suggested list or people you may know list. Maybe not straight away, but you do appear at some point

Am I the only one who looks at their ex's or whoevers pages, photos, etc?

I am horrified they may know I've been snooping

OP posts:

LurkingOne · 13/10/2015 15:33

Mkay, So you think people who cycle past you are being suggested by facebook for no other reason than proximity and I'm the one being naive......

Screw it, if you can't beat them.....

It's true it's true I know it is. I don't even have a computer or Internet or a facebook account and mark zuckerberg just knocked on my front door and presented me a list of suggested friends to socialise with, they are everywhere, delete accounts NOW

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 15:44

lurking, did you read the post properly? I said he learnt my name. Then searched me. Then he popped up in my list. Honestly, it's not rocket science. Don't make it so. And I'm being accused of being a theorist!?!!

Seriously........

And I do know it's true because unlike you, I know that I've thought of every possibility. I get that you don't have the same faith in that that I obviously have. But at the same time, it's so rude to miss read and half read my posts and then imply that I'm crazy. I've said a few times now that personally I don't care if this happens. But I believe that it does. It is possible to believe it happens without being upset about it.

thesunonlyshinesonTV · 13/10/2015 15:45

I have a fake facebook account with a random name on that I created as I did not want people to see a group I had joined.

I have just used that to search for my main facebook account, and so far my alto ego has not shown up in the people you may know bit. If it does then I guess there is some truth in this allegation.

GrayJane · 13/10/2015 15:51

I think it's true. Why? I've seen quite a few ex shags and some of my friendly stalkers pop up in 'people you might know' and we don't have friends in common. We only live in the same city and that's not enough to suggest we should connect. I can't help but think it's search related. There's no other explanation.

LurkingOne · 13/10/2015 15:55

Sionnach, I was being facetious, apologies. But you do sound like a tin foil hat wearing crazy. I'm not continuing as Constance gave you enough time and responses to make it clear, but you are wrong.

They make 2bn a quarter. They have nothing to gain by this and everything to lose.

You sound like my dad who's constantly phoning up to tell me he's identified and solved a problem on his iPhone. He hasn't, he's just misunderstood something and found a work around for a problem that doesn't actually exist if he was using his phone properly.

Constance is right, you just don't know where the link has come from so you are using "faith" instead of logic. You clearly can't be steered away from that, so good luck with it.

LurkingOne · 13/10/2015 15:56

And lol at the arrogance of "ive thought of every possibility".....

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 16:00

How do I sound crazy. I'm giving my own experience. Others persist in doubting it. Right from post one challenging me the default position is that there's something I've overlooked, that I don't fully understand the network science. I've been quite consistent all along reporting my own personal experiences with this issue. I've been told to take a valium, told I'm hysterical that I'm paranoid. Wow, some people really don't want to believe this.
I used the word faith to constance because she was so patronising to me. 'let me explain it to you once again' and then giving me another magic analogy!!

I do not believe that Constance is capable of reading and understanding the algorithm(s) involved in this process and I don't believe that she has access to that algorithm either.

None of my beliefs are based on a lack of logic.

I read the posts trying to convince doubting that she is also wrong. Some people are very invested in to believing that searching doesn't put the searcher in the searchee's 'people you may know' list.

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 16:01

ps, and unless constance can tell me that she has read those algorithms herself, and understood them, then I don't see how her views are 'fact' and mine are opinion.

I have said nothing on this thread that is any less 'crazy' or any more intransigent than constance or you.

leedy · 13/10/2015 16:05

"I do not believe that Constance is capable of reading and understanding the algorithm(s) involved in this process and I don't believe that she has access to that algorithm either."

What did she say to make you think that?

LurkingOne · 13/10/2015 16:06

Yeah and yet nobody is telling Constance or the naysayers we are crazy except you!

Dunno why I'm involved in this other than my concern of the risk that somebody with an abusive ex read this thread and is now sitting at home panicking themselves because they searched the ex with a new name changed account and are now worried that they can be traced by someone they want to avoid.

Lots of sensible people would have put their minds at ease yet some loony tune who knows all the answers and cannot possibly have overlooked anything is creating doubt.

It does not happen. Never has and never will, nobody is risking a $250bn business for something that is of no benefit to them.

mewkins · 13/10/2015 16:09

What I find odd is that having searched for someone and viewed their profile, they DON'T appear on my suggested friends list. Does anyone else have this?

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 16:19

I'm not so rude as to tell constance she's crazy. It's me that's been on the receiving end of the insults. I personally don't share her absolute confidence that searching for people doesn't bring you up in their list.

That's all. Constance implied she had some insider knowledge that made her opinion fact and mine opinion. However she didn't elaborate on that. She did give me a few magic analogies to back up her insistence that her opinion was fact. All along I've been (fairly!) polite, having to re-iterate what I've said (clearly) to posters who've mis-read my posts or skim-read them. That hasn't slowed down their haste to mock me though. I've been patronised, talked down to, accused of having a tin foil hat. Told to take a valium, told I'm paranoid, hysterical. Wow. All because I refuse to accept that you must be right, that there must be a connection I don't understand.

If I didn't work in the job I do, I might buy it.

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 16:20

I'm leaving it here as it's getting very strange, when somebody talks about tin foil hats it's time to throw in the towel. good luck to you all.

wannaBe · 13/10/2015 16:21

the tinfoil hat wearing paranoids on here do realise that you can make your profile unsearchable from the outside don't you? And that way you will never come up on anyone's people you may know list. Result.

Although you will then need to think up another theory as to how random people you've never met come up on yours.

SurferJet · 13/10/2015 16:23

How do you do that wannaBe?

noblegiraffe · 13/10/2015 16:28

People have tested this, including on MN, and the mystery snooper has not turned up on the snoopee's people you might know list. Why not, if that's how it works?

wannaBe · 13/10/2015 16:32

SurferJet I am using the fb app on iOS atm but from there you go into "more" then "settings" then select "account" then "privacy" and there are a whole list of options about who can see your posts/who can send you friend requests/who can search for you/who can send you messages etc. You can lock all of those down so that only people you trust can see you or request you as a friend or even know you exist.

I'm sure the same settings exist on the desktop/mobile version I'm just not entirely sure where they are, but they'll be fairly visible.

Moln · 13/10/2015 16:34

I've a makey up profile for work that I use to check people's lifestyle out on.

I'm going to look the real me up on it never logged in on the same computer and the work one doesn't have stalker spy tendencies.

mewkins · 13/10/2015 16:39

Here is another explanation.... a person is involved with another person through work. They know their full name, in a bored moment they search on facebook and either think it's appropriate as they have no boundaries or else absent mindedly click on add friend. The person added questions them and the embarrassed person says 'oh you came up on my suggested friends list'. Unless I have misread a whole heap of posts...a possibility?

SurferJet · 13/10/2015 16:40

WannaBe - thank you so much

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 13/10/2015 16:41

I'm leaving it here as it's getting very strange, when somebody talks about tin foil hats it's time to throw in the towel. good luck to you all.

But you haven't explained the thousands of cases where people that view the facebook page aren't added to the list.....

LyndaNotLinda · 13/10/2015 17:53

I have two facebook profiles - one for work, one for personal. The personal one has no connected phone number and a really old email address I never use. I don't even have that email address on my phone and I never look at it.

As a result, the only 'people you may know' suggestions I get are people who are friends of people I'm already friends with. I've never had any local suggestions or people that I've come across in my professional life.

My 'other' profile comes up with all sorts of random suggestions - because it's linked to my email address and I'm a member of loads of groups.

So I'm afraid Constance is entirely correct. Boring but true.

I can't imagine why anyone would use FB if they thought it was stalking your every keystroke

nooka · 13/10/2015 18:49

My facebook is locked as wannabe suggests and has been for a few years. I don't look at suggested friends more than once in a blue moon. If I google for my name + facebook I get nothing. My LinkedIn account comes up immediately though.

Yet if I go into the friends I might know thingy included in the list are a bunch of total strangers in among the friends of mutual friends. I don't assume they must have all searched me out. Why on earth would I? That would be a bit of an odd assumption to make surely? I don't look at passing strangers facebook accounts because that woudl be a bit odd. I do use LinkedIn to look for work acquaintances, and it will tell them that I have done so and vice versa.

People who have roles where they might worry about the invasion of their private lives should lock their accounts down. Takes a couple of minutes, no more and makes no difference to your friends.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 13/10/2015 22:43

ps, and unless constance can tell me that she has read those algorithms herself, and understood them, then I don't see how her views are 'fact' and mine are opinion.

I can tell you that I have indeed both read and understood them. I'll be sitting here waiting for my apology, when you're ready.

Moln · 13/10/2015 23:04

In all honesty I think you'll be appearing on her suggested friends list, Constance, before you get an apology

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