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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Household Finances

80 replies

NuckyS · 12/10/2015 11:35

Prompted by a comment one of my family made about household finances, I'm just wondering what people consider an equitable arrangement within their household.

I work FT and DW works PT - the proportion of our contribution to the finances is about 75-25. I pay:

  • mortgage
  • loan repayments
  • Council Tax
  • groceries/clothing for DCs
  • fuel
  • entertainment (TV licence, streaming films, etc.)
  • insurance

We split utilities proportionately on our income.

I've never had a problem with this arrangement (although it leaves me with no spare cash left over in any given month) until that comment the other day.

What do others think?

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 12/10/2015 15:33

We have separate finances as well. But we have two houses which complicates it a bit.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 12/10/2015 15:35

Well, how much does your DW have for personal spending?

All our income goes into one joint account, and all bills food & savings come off that. We both work full-time and earn similar amounts (approx 52% me, 48% DH but it's very close). We use GoodBudget to manage it. We have the same set amount of personal spending money and if one of us goes over it one month the debit rolls over into the next month so it is deducted from next month's cash. Equally, if one of us is in credit then they get to keep that.

HazleNutt · 12/10/2015 15:38

it really depends on what other family expenses you have that your wife pays for, and how much she has left after those.

In our case everything goes into the same pot and everything comes out of the pot. We don't have set spending money. So far this seems to work and looks fair to both of us.

Floralnomad · 12/10/2015 15:41

We have always had completely joint finances .I have only ever worked pt and at the moment am on an extended holiday .

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 12/10/2015 15:43

By personal spending I mean a budget for eg nights out, presents for each other (kids/relatives presents are budgeted for separately), random crap that we each want eg make up, books, clothes, gaming spends.

Do you and your DW have cash available for anything frivolous, or does it feel like you never buy a thing for yourself while she is constantly getting new stuff?

BackforGood · 12/10/2015 15:48

There isn't a "correct" way - you have to do what works for you, as a couple.
This will sometimes be different if one is a saver and one a spender. Or if one is just hopeless with money.

I too think the best place to start, is 'what do you each have to spend/save/do as you want with, after all your bills are paid?'

What we do, is all money goes into the one, joint account, then, each month, dh and I have a standing order, of the same amount, into our own accounts, so we each have our own small pot of money to do what we will with.... treats, presents, whatever.
Over the years, this has been a miniscule amount hen we were skint, and, now we are more comfortable, it's gone up, but whatever each of us has earned isn't relevant, we each have the same amount to spend each month.

Original poster
NuckyS · 12/10/2015 15:52

I wouldn't say constantly getting new stuff and certainly isn't frivolous, but she does have more 'spending' money than I do (for example, I can't even consider a night out, but DW has nights out with friends in the diary for the next three weekends.)

OP posts:
Forestdreams · 12/10/2015 15:55

I can't comment on your split. We aim to work it so we both have a bit of breathing space to cover presents, haircuts, lunches, saving towards holidays etc etc. i think conceptually we think of it as joint money. In reality DH pays the mortgage, I pay a slightly smaller amount into the joint account to cover bills, and the rest we pay from our own accounts. But we move money freely between accounts as needed.

If you have barely a penny left OP, how do you cover your mobile, christmas presents, haircuts, running your car/commuting costs, do you ever eat out or get a takeaway, grocery shopping etc? Does DW pay for all of those?

blibblobblub · 12/10/2015 15:57

We just put everything into a joint account. Anything else would be a massive hassle. I use YNAB and we both have a loose figure as to the spending money we take each week. We discuss any big purchases with each other. It's pretty straightforward.

EllyHigginbottom · 12/10/2015 16:01

I wouldn't say constantly getting new stuff and certainly isn't frivolous, but she does have more 'spending' money than I do (for example, I can't even consider a night out, but DW has nights out with friends in the diary for the next three weekends.)

Well, then. That's not fair, is it? I'd start with an equal sum of spending money and reverse-engineer everything from there.

I detect some fledging resentment in your post.

Inertia · 12/10/2015 16:02

Everything is pooled here.

If you don't have equal access to spending money then you need to speak to your wife, it should be fair to you both.

Is the film streaming perhaps considered to be your entertainment/ spending, or does it benefit the whole family?

thehousewife · 12/10/2015 16:03

I can't understand why couples don't just share cash? We pool everything we have because we are married, it seems odd having your money/money to me Hmm

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 12/10/2015 16:03

Joint account here - over the years I've earned more, he's earned more, he's been the sole earner etc and this has served us well throughout.

It's a very simple low effort solution if you share similar attitudes to money. We're both fairly moderate spenders and consult each other over major purchases but equally don't keep tabs on each other either.

I can see merits in each partner having a separate account for "spending money" too though.

You listed out all the things you pay for: what does your dw pay for?

Drew64 · 12/10/2015 16:08

Everyone runs their household budget differently.

My DW and I have always had different incomes but it changes nothing.

We have two accounts;

Acct a - Both wages get paid into
Acct b - Is our bills account

We transfer via DD enough to pay all the bills from our wages account into our bills account.

What is left in our wages account is ours to spend regardless of who has earned what.
We've done it this way since we were living together 20 years ago.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 12/10/2015 16:09

Whose decision was it for her to go part time?

I can see why your family made a comment, she gets to work less so has more free time and has more money as you pay for most things. I'd not be happy with that.

Arion · 12/10/2015 16:09

I'm a SAHP now so don't bring any money in. When I did, first full time then part time after first DC, we paid all money into joint account, then had the same amount paid to our personal account for 'fun money'. We both have the same amount of spends, how much depends on what is left after bills and savings. This has continued now there is only one wage coming in. Neither of you should be left with no money after the monthly expenses are settled.

mamalovebird · 12/10/2015 16:12

We pool all our income and each get equal spends which goes into our own separatr accounts. All bills / essentials go from the pool and what's left goes into savings.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 12/10/2015 16:13

The only way to be sure is to go back through 2 or 3 months of bills and tot up what's been spent where and by whom. I did this and discovered a lot - we were spending ridiculous amounts on food, for a start! Like £800 for 2 adults and a baby per month. Now we're down to £400 per month and have a second child to feed as well. If you both take out lots of cash it will be harder to work out which one of you took out the cash and what happened to it, though.

DH would have said 4 months ago that I went out a lot and he never did. What he failed to realise was that I saw him buying a) online game stuff and b) endless unnecessary crap whenever he was out. Oh look, I bought a new lamp/Tupperware/strange LED things/cushions/5 giant shelving sets on Gumtree/a coat for DD even though she has 3/snacks in softplay even though he'd taken snacks in his bag/Frozen stickers for DD because they were next to the till and she wanted them...it all added up, but because it wasn't really for him he didn't feel like he'd spent anything on himself.

What I'm trying to say is that it's hard to work out whether your DW is spending more than you are unless you really pin down exactly who spends what. You have to have facts before you can start a meaningful discussion. It could be that she's totally taking advantage, or it could be that you're looking at your own spending through rose-tinted spectacles.

Grazia1984 · 12/10/2015 16:13

I earned 10x my husband ultimately and we both worked full time. Everything was in joint accounts and joint names. Worked for us. On the divorce after 20 years he got a small fortune and chose not to have much to do with his children, but that's another story.

I cannot really understand a marriage where everything isn't joint even as someone who is now divorced. You are one flesh ideally for life and share everything so why keep money in separate accounts? On divorce it's all pooled and doesn't matter whose name it is in anyway.

Original poster
NuckyS · 12/10/2015 16:14

We do have a joint account which the bills come out of, but I just pay a lump sum into this at the start of the month, and the mortgage, insurance, loans etc. gets paid out of that.

It's reached a bit of a head lately as, because of changes at work, I'm now working more but for less money. My take home pay hasn't gone down by all that much, but enough for the dial to go from 'OK' to 'uh-oh' once the bills have come out. I'm just wondering if there are any other ways to split things than the way we have been working with so far (which, to be fair, has worked well up to now).

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/10/2015 16:14

It all goes in one pot, we have the same spending money per month. I earn about 40% more than my husband. he always seems to have more new stuff though Grin
I can't imagine the hassle of trying to split utility bills along our proportional income. Life's too short.

If your wife/husand/partner has more cash to blow on discretionary spending at the end of the month than you do, then it IS unfair.

[caveat: this assumes that all kids in the house belong to both of you, and neither of you have other dependents young or old, and that you are taking into account a lifestyle spend like a flash car which is not shared, which comes out of "your spending money". Note a hefty expensive commute is not a lifestyle choice unless you have to do it in a Maserati when a VW would do].

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/10/2015 16:14

Husband even

PeopleLieActionsDont · 12/10/2015 16:15

On the face of it, it sounds unfair unless you are spending money on things that she would consider frivolities, for ex an expensive mobile or gym membership and instead of doing that, she is spending the equivalent on going out.

Generally, I think the best way is to pool all money, pay bills and split the difference.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/10/2015 16:16

You should both share the pain.

Original poster
NuckyS · 12/10/2015 16:17

*Whose decision was it for her to go part time?

I can see why your family made a comment, she gets to work less so has more free time and has more money as you pay for most things. I'd not be happy with that.*

I was going to write that we both made the decision, but really since I was the higher earner, and where we live is quite expensive, we didn't have too many options available to us.

Our youngest DC is preschool so I wouldn't say she has that much free time, either ;)

OP posts:
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