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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being a parent as well as an introvert

23 replies

ginorwine · 11/10/2015 22:17

I posted another thread about being less sociable these days .
It seems on reading other threads that I may have intoverted traits - needing space renew .

It got me thinking .how with the joys and demands of parenting do I introvert parents thrive in the hubbub of family life ? !

OP posts:

hiddenhome2 · 11/10/2015 22:20

Produce children who are also introverts

bigbadbarry · 11/10/2015 22:21

DH and I barely speak once the children are in bed :) Sounds bad when I put it like that, but we both recharge in silence.

MrsMook · 11/10/2015 22:26

I took up running!

I've always had myself down as an extrovert. My career is very social based, and social life was important, but I need much more solitary time these days. With hindsight, I always, through childhood and pre-children naturally had that time with my own company and never realised how much I need.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 11/10/2015 22:27

This is the hardest thing about being a parent for me. The lack of space to just silently recharge.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2015 22:29

Doesn't everyone get more introverted as they get older?

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2015 22:30

Or as they have dc? Desperate for a few moments p&q?

DramaAlpaca · 11/10/2015 22:32

I found this very hard when the DC were small, I have to admit. DH is also an introvert, and we used to take it in turns to have breaks to recharge our batteries. It's got easier as they've got older, and it's turned out that two out of the three of them are also introverted, the middle one in particular. DS1 on the other hand is a gregarious social butterfly & we have no idea how we managed to produce him

slightlyglitterpaned · 11/10/2015 22:37

Apparently about a third of people fall into the category of "ambivert", i.e have traits of both so not unsurprising to enjoy socialising and also need some solitary time.

DP and I trade off alone time. Never quite enough, but as DS is getting older, it's getting a little easier. One worry about TTC #2 is that it'd probably make doing that a lot harder.

Seeyounearertime · 11/10/2015 23:05

Being an introvert would probably make things easier for us.
My GF suffers social anxiety and panic attacks in public etc and I'm pretty much as misanthropic as they come. We really have to force each other to go out and about so that our DD can meet other kids and socialise.

custardcreamdreams · 11/10/2015 23:17

I struggle with it tbh.

I also run when I can.
Put youngest into playgroup once a week so I get a few hours to myself.
Sit up to daft hours of the night just to get time to myself.

Purplepoodle · 11/10/2015 23:18

husband works away so I have my evenings to recharge once kids are in bed. I love being with the kids during the day and don't find they tax my introvertness as they accept me as me.

I do have eternal guilt of not organising play dates but soothe it with the facts dc play with each other and spend three days in after schools to play with friends. Having kids round wouldn't bother me but trying to organise with other school parents now that makes me want to hide

blueshoes · 11/10/2015 23:20

I felt suffocated when my dcs were younger, touched out, held to ransom by their moods and erratic demands. The worst thing was the lack of headspace. The chaos and lack of order and control were difficult.

When I went back to work, the commute into work was absolute bliss. Although I was jammed in with other commuters, nobody tried to talk to me or wanted anything from me. You cannot imagine what a relief it was.

My dcs are 12 and 9 and it is soooo much better.

EponasWildDaughter · 12/10/2015 07:56

I'm fine socializing with family, but cant be arsed with anyone else.

I do worry that i'm actually teaching youngest DD to be anti-social.

Drmum123 · 12/10/2015 11:34

Whilst I would definitely say don't do it.....I think that there is at of negativity about balancing a career in medicine and children. I strongly feel you can do both! There is really good provision for less than full time training now. I work 60 percent and see my kids loads (I have three!). If I work nights I get up for the school run and see them the whole evening (ie I only miss morning times). We only need child care a couple of days a week. I have only rarely missed things as I usually swap for anything I need to be ar. I mean it is really hard....... Am currently procrastinating from studying for clinicals, but I object to people saying that there is no way to be a good parent whilst being a junior doctor.

Admittedly I am probably in a really bad position new contract wise, but I won't go full time while my children are little...... Or possibly even when they are big. There is no work life balance when working full time though.....

Drmum123 · 12/10/2015 11:34

Posted in wrong thread sorry

circlelake · 12/10/2015 14:02

Hide in the toilet with my phone for at least ten minutes a day ...

And yes, stay up too late.

Katedotness1963 · 12/10/2015 14:40

When I finally got pregnant (after 14 years of trying) the first thing my sil said was "how will you cope, your house is always so quiet?"

I think once you have kids you make more of an effort to leave your comfort zone for their sakes. I've gone through hell trying to be more social so they wouldn't grow up to be as anti-social/introverted as I am.

Forestdreams · 12/10/2015 15:06

Stay up too late here, too.

I'm lucky, DC are in school now but I still work PT. I am busy busy busy splitting myself between work and doing all the after school stuff with DC, but I get a few hours to myself each week when they are at school.

It is much harder for DH to get time to himself. We try to carve out a couple of hours for him here and there - I'll take both kids shopping or drop one at a party and take the other out for a long bike ride. Also we take turns to lie in at the weekend, and don't pressure each other to finish the lie in and join in with the rest of the family. We don't see friends at the weekend as often as we used to.

PenelopeChipShop · 12/10/2015 18:42

It's really hard but you have to find quiet time somewhere. Sometimes I go up to bed v early and just read or listen to podcasts which I find v relaxing. I try to do a Pilates class once a week but can't always get there if DH isn't home.

It does get easier as they grow though. My DS is still only 3 and on a bad day things are crap but if our moods are in sync he's great company and I don't find he tires me out the way he used to as a baby.

yorkshapudding · 12/10/2015 19:35

It's been difficult at times. DD (2) is very outgoing and sociable so, not wanting to stifle that part of her personality, I have to just suck it up really. Fortunately, most toddler groups/activities only last an hour or so. I have made a couple of good mum friends with DC's around the same age who we generally see weekly, which I do enjoy. I work three days a week and my job is intense and very people focused, I basically spend all day talking and listening. In my childless days I had plenty of time to myself after work to re-charge so coming home after a busy working day to a very affectionate and energetic DD, while lovely, can feel exhausting. Like others, I tend to stay up a bit later than I should just to have some time to myself.

KatieLatie · 12/10/2015 20:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MuddlingMackem · 12/10/2015 20:50

blueshoes Sun 11-Oct-15 23:20:59

I felt suffocated when my dcs were younger, touched out, held to ransom by their moods and erratic demands. The worst thing was the lack of headspace. The chaos and lack of order and control were difficult.

Geraniumred · 12/10/2015 21:38

The first year was very hard and I was an under-slept wreck. DD is an extrovert but now she is 11 she is also very happy with her kindle in her bedroom listening to something and doing crafty stuff. When she was smaller she needed entertaining most of the time. Going for walks with or without her helped. Family life doesn't have to be a constant hubub. We choose to have just one DC, as I knew I couldn't cope with any more. We do generally have a rather quiet house.

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