Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would deal with this woman's behaviour?

40 replies

InnerPenguin · 11/10/2015 21:20

DD is 11 and is year 6 at school.

In reception she became friendly with a girl in her year group. Like most girls, their friendships change all the time and sometimes they hang round together a lot, and at other times they hang around with others. They have never been 'best' friends but have always been friends and not had any major fallouts that I know about.

The mum of this girl seems like a very sensitive person who takes things very personally about her child. To cut a long story short, when DD and this girl are spending more time together and closer friends this woman is fine with me and is nice.

If the girls are going through a stage of not hanging round together and spending time with other friends, this mum does not talk to me. She ignores me totally, and has a couple of times deleted me from FB and then re-added me when the girls are good friends again. She does these things to some other mums from her DD's friendship circle too.

At the moment she seems to be going through a phase of not talking to me again. I saw her in a shop today and said hello to her and she just carried on walking and ignored me. When she is 'talking' to me she is friendly and chatty.

How would you deal with her? DH says I should just start ignoring her permanently and have nothing to do with her even when she decides to speak to me again, but I have a feeling as she seems to hyper sensitive that she will turn it into a huge issue and it'll cause problems for DD at school.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 11/10/2015 21:21

Smile, wave, don't engage.

gamerchick · 11/10/2015 21:23

Life is too short man.

Just ignore her from now on and definitely don't re-add her back on social media. You don't need to dance to anybodys tune.

Secondtimeround75 · 11/10/2015 21:23

I wouldn't change your behaviour.
She is unstable enough for both of ye. Grin

TurnipCake · 11/10/2015 21:25

Smile, wave, the path of least resistance

JuJuWoman · 11/10/2015 21:25

She sounds very odd. I would be on the frosty side of polite with her permanently.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/10/2015 21:26

I suppose it depends on what her dd is telling her really. Maybe her dd is going home and saying she is being excluded or picked on, who knows? A bit weird to blow hot and cold though.

If she deletes you from FB again just block her and don't allow yourself to be re added. If she gets chatty again be polite but distant and don't give it a second thought.

RaspberryOverload · 11/10/2015 21:38

I'd pretty much follow the other posters in smile, say hello and keep a distance. I've no time for that crap, and wouldn't add on FB anyway, I just have a very few people on there I know well.

quinoaasmustard · 11/10/2015 21:41

"I would be on the frosty side of polite with her permanently."

Yup.

CrapBag · 11/10/2015 21:41

I wouldn't be adding her on FB again and I wouldn't be chatty with her when she decides she wants to be again. If there is on ething I cannot stand its people who are hot and cold with you. I had this with a friend recently. She is my friend no longer. A mum at school can be a little like this although not to the same extent and I have distanced myself. I have no time for people who behave like twats particularly when it involves their children.

CookieDoughKid · 11/10/2015 21:57

Disengage. Be polite and smile if you have to but really, she's not a real friend of yours. She's not worth the emotional investment!

Leeds2 · 11/10/2015 23:03

If she asks you to be a FB friend, having deleted you, decline.

Smile when you bump into her at school or supermarket, but otherwise disengage.

Spartans · 12/10/2015 06:50

I have been through exactly this.

I remained friendly. Still say hello when I see her and smile but do not engage above that. when she is chatty mode I still just say hello and move on. I don't engage in conversation at all.

ConfusedInBath · 12/10/2015 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DownstairsMixUp · 12/10/2015 07:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Shakey15000 · 12/10/2015 07:28

Agree, smile, keep saying hello and refuse friend request.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/10/2015 07:33

Don't engage even if she is in her chatty phase, a quick hello and that it. Don't accept her friend requests.

Mistigri · 12/10/2015 07:37

I think it is generally best to be the bigger person.

So, remain polite but slightly distant. And don't stand for any of that FB crap - I would block her so she can't see you on there at all, as this is easier than dealing with the fallout from refusing friend requests.

Gatehouse77 · 12/10/2015 07:46

I would remain civil, polite and keep her at arm's length whatever 'phase' she's in.
As for Facebook - dunno Hmm I'm not on it as it seems to cause more problems than anything from what I've observed.

GoodnightDarthVader · 12/10/2015 07:48

Ignore the drama, be polite and detatched in person, don't accept FB requests.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 12/10/2015 07:56

Block her. Then she cant keep playing her ridiculous "add you/delete you" game and can't send you friend requests at all.

Does she have the mental age of a 5 year old? Why are you still accepting friend requests after multiple deletions?! It's keeping this farce going. Don't engage at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/10/2015 08:04

You have to ignore her op, do nit engage, if she us causing problems for dd at school, then speak to her tutor, and encourage her to make other friends and leave this friendship.

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/10/2015 08:18

She sounds mad. Block her on FB and be frostily polite. Or if you really want to antagonise her, just don't accept her FB requests.

HippyPottyMouth · 12/10/2015 08:23

Some people are like that. Be polite and don't give her too much headspace. Now you say it, that sounds a lot like my friend's mum; friend and I have been friends since age 3, we're now mid-30s. Friend's mum would, throughout our childhood, be either super-friendly with my mum or barely give her the time of day, and we never saw a pattern, but as it happens, maybe it was when to do with how close friend and I were at the time. It's settled down over the last few years, friend's mum is generally friendly, but my mum is still reluctant to get too close. Either she's chilled out with age, or has accepted that friend and I are lifelong friends, even if we don't get together that often due to logistics.

TheAussieProject · 12/10/2015 08:48

Life is already hard, why make it harder?
Be polite but distant.

Mrsjayy · 12/10/2015 11:26

When Dd2 was at school her friends mum was exactly like that they went through primary and secondary together its very odd and bloody awkward it took me a while but i realised i had to take her as i found her,
it was always a cheery wave and hello and then I would carry on if she wanted to chat fine if not then fine I wouldnt entertain that facebook nonsense though I would notvaccept that delete her.

Another friends mum added all the friends on fb then would message all of them to say her dd was upset and ask who said something to her Shock some parents are far to invested imo