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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel shy and pissed off about it

16 replies

chrome100 · 11/10/2015 20:41

I am 34. Ever since my teenage years I have felt a bit, well...boring. I go out and chat to my friends and enjoy it, but after a few hours I've had enough and just want to go home.

Today has been someone's big birthday. We met at 12 and I have just sloped off home now by myself because I had just had enough and want to put my pyjamas on. Meanwhile, they are all in full swing.

I just can't seem to master the art of being sociable. I think people like me, but I am never the one they simply must invite because of my wit and persona. I am just kind of "there". How do people have the stamina for so much conversation?

I wish I could be more like them, but the fact is I am just not one of life's fun people and it seems now, at my age, I never will be.

OP posts:
CrikeyMate · 11/10/2015 20:45

Please don't call yourself boring. I always considered myself boring until I read something about being introverted and it all clicked for me.

For me I would need time to mentally recover after being in people's company for that long, and it also sounds as if that's what you needed too? That you enjoyed going out but got to a point where you just needed to escape and get home? That's definitely a trait of being introverted.

ahbollocks · 11/10/2015 20:46

Maybe you're just an introvert!
It's no bad thing!
When I'm out and at work I'm chatty and friendly and happy but fuck me, 8 hours with other people and not in my pj's is lo g enough thanks very much.

Original poster
chrome100 · 11/10/2015 20:47

Yes, I think that's it. I do like going out and being friendly but I find it exhausts me. I really don't have 8 hours of conversation in me.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 11/10/2015 20:50

You sound like me, an introvert. I can cope with being sociable for so long, then I need to go home. My 20 year old DS is just the same. It's fine, it's just how you are & lots of people feel the same.

CrikeyMate · 11/10/2015 20:51

I'm exactly the same. Yes I like company and going out, but being in someone's company really tires me out and I need a bit of headspace after being in someone's company for longer than say a couple of hours.

WhitePhantom · 11/10/2015 20:51

OP, only for the fact that I'm 45 instead of 34, I could have written your post!!

Some people can't deal with being on their own, some people love it.

Some people love being surrounded by company, some people can only handle it for a while.

Neither way is wrong.

Accept yourself - you're just fine as you are! Wink

(PS - this gem of wisdom only came to me once I had kids. I saw how they were all different, but all just perfectly fine, and that I wouldn't change a thing about any of them. And then it clicked that I'm perfectly fine too, just the way I am!)

Original poster
chrome100 · 11/10/2015 20:56

Thanks all.

I am trying not to see the way I am as "bad", but the fact is I do. I used to go into the toilets of pubs and cry (!) when I was a student because I couldn't work out why I didn't feel so happy and joyful to be out as others so effortlessly do.

I yearn so much to be what I perceive as a fun person, i.e. one who is the life and soul and makes others laugh. When I slope off without saying goodbye as I have tonight, it makes me realise that I am just not built like that and it does sadden me.

I think if I could find acceptance of who I am that would be great.

OP posts:
Caboodle · 11/10/2015 20:58

Yy te the introvert. I only realised about this re myself recently. I can turn it on for so long but I eventually do what I really want to and come home, put pjs on and read a good book with a brew. Not boring at all-just different.

DramaAlpaca · 11/10/2015 21:02

Have a read of Quiet by Susan Cain, and there is also a linked website which I've just googled called quietrev.com and which I'm going to have a good look at later.

Original poster
chrome100 · 11/10/2015 21:04

Thank you to everyone who's replied, definite food for thought. I am going to go to bed with a book now and feel glad I am not still in a beer garden in the dark and cold Grin

DP, who is much more gregarious than me, is still out with them all so I shall enjoy having the bed to myself.

Thanks again x

OP posts:
CrikeyMate · 11/10/2015 21:06

Accept yourself for who you are.

No particular personality trait is 'right'. It's taken me so long to realise this. I used to beat myself up about the fact I didn't like socialising for hours on end, didn't like making small talk, etc, now I realise there's nothing 'wrong' with it, it's just who I am.

I've been called rude before. I'm the most un-rude (is that a word?!) person you could wish to meet. Just because I find small talk hard, or prefer to do school run and stand quietly waiting on my own, or don't particularly want people visiting me and staying hours on end, doesn't make me rude or boring. It's just me and there's nothing wrong with that!

RabbitSaysWoof · 11/10/2015 21:07

Hey you are me I think.
I have been a LP for 3 and a half years and it's only just occurred to me in recent months I may be missing something tucking my kid in coming down to watch soaps every night. So after 2 nights out in the last month it's out of my system, I know I'm not missing anything.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 11/10/2015 21:09

You can't win, you know. I'm the opposite, will stay out all night for the company, but hate being on my own. I feel adrift without someone to talk to or look after.

Don't beat yourself up, nobody's perfect. 8 hours isn't bad going, and now you can enjoy having the bed to yourself!

Hellochicken · 11/10/2015 21:25

You sound like me, except I would be impressed with myself having been out for 8 hours!
I like company but find it hard to sustain for a long time, often feel boring and standing around wondering how people are so occupied in conversation.

I like to hear (from my DH who sometimes stays out longer) what I missed. The only thing that I can say is that I have close family I can spend hours/days with, anyone else and I "mentally prepare" a few topics to talk about and people quite like talking about themselves if you ask questions, but this can only keep you out for so long . . . after that I'm on my way home too. I think there are other important things to be, so I'll try for these things, instead of being fun as I'm not going to win that one

strongandlong · 11/10/2015 21:31

I'm sure this has been posted on here before, but might help you see introversion as a positive: the power of introverts

NervousNameChange2 · 11/10/2015 21:38

You aren't boring, I can manage 2 hours of interesting engaged conversation and entertaining annecdotes. I used to leave before I couldn't be arsed to carry it on but now I just pace myself, try listening to others and throw in a few questions or comments to carry the conversation on.
Although buying everyone a drink helps a lot.

Even if you stay for a little while make an effort and then leave happy and don't get down because of it.

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