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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is a real AIBU if I am please tell me .

43 replies

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 08/10/2015 18:24

So as not to drip feed . I work and my 16 yr old DS comes to work with me after school . He doesn't work just does homework and watches TV .
Yesterday as we were leaving he asked me to get his hoodie off the kitchen side as he was carrying his laptop .I was happy to as he had school bag as well and his hands were full .
His actual words were " can you grab my hoodie please ".As i did so his watch which was resting on top of the hoodie fell on the floor .
He only found out the watch wasn't working this morning . He was extremely upset as this is the only decent present that his dad has ever bought him .
Today he has been so rude and says its all my fault and he takes no responsibility for him putting the watch there in the first place .
I obviously know its my fault that the watch got broken but I feel its really unfair to blame me and only me .
He says I should have known his watch was on top of the hoodie and that every time he goes in the garden to play football he takes it off and that I should have noticed.
So my AIBU is am I the only one responsible for his watch breaking .

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2015 19:18

Hello wakeups son.

Parents aren't perfect and your mum is trying. I hope your watch gets fixed quickly.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 08/10/2015 19:21

It wasn't your fault & it wasn't your DS's fault. It was an accident. We live in such a blame culture nowadays that maybe our teenagers don't understand the concept of an accident .

Even so, as it has sentimental value to him, I think it would be nice to arrange to have it fixed. That's what I would do in your situation.

Also, FWIW, I have two teenage DSs and neither will ever admit fault for anything straightaway - I'm not sure many teenagers do!

CalleighDoodle · 08/10/2015 19:23

You broke his watch. Yes it was an accident but you still broke his watch. And sounds like you didnt even tell him at the time.

Are you going to fix or replace it?

Casimir · 08/10/2015 19:28

Your apology probably went something like ' I'm sorry your watch broke but you shouldn't have put it there in the first place'.

I see where he avoids responsibility.

CalleighDoodle · 08/10/2015 19:30

Me too. Ive just rtf. Its you. Totally. He took it off so not to break it. It was on top of his hoddie, so visible to you. How on earth is he at all to blame?! Youre the one who wont take responsibility.

Gruntfuttock · 08/10/2015 19:31

I agree CalleighDoodle

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 08/10/2015 19:35

Bollocks to that. He took his watch off and placed it on the hoodie. He knew it was there, she didn't. He asked her to pass the hoodie, he didn;t get it himself, he didn't say mind the watch, so its his fault as much as hers.

It's not really anyone's, since it was an accident, but if you insist on finding blame, its equal.Calleigh you sound like a teenager as well.

HugoBear · 08/10/2015 19:35

Learning to take responsibility for one's own actions is the mark of a real adult.

It can take children a long time to understand this - in fact, some never get there.

goawayalready · 08/10/2015 19:49

my 15 year old is like this she leaves things lying around and when her 2 year old brother grabs them and runs around with them she screams and freaks out about it totally blamed her brother when he sat on her ipod and cracked the screen however she left it underneath something on the sofa how was he to know it was there! i refused to allow her to blame him and because it still works she is still using it until it breaks completely

responsibility is learnt by making mistakes and being taught to own up to them

CalleighDoodle · 08/10/2015 19:53

Clearly some adults never get there either. It was ON TOP of his hoodie. Not hidden. Not wrapped in it. On top. So clearly op didnt look properly before grabbing it. And is so insensed at being told she is responsible has started a thread to try to get support in passing the blame.

CalleighDoodle · 08/10/2015 19:55

And constance really? Name calling? Is that not teenage behaviour too in your eyes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/10/2015 19:56

Learning to take responsibility for one's own actions is the mark of a real adult. As is managing and understanding one's emotions.

I was an angry and pissy teenager. Mainly I think because my parents spent their time right-fighting, and teaching me how to do it. Rather than acknowledging my feelings and helping me manage them.

My DM still can't manage hers. I recently had an argument with DM about something. I said, "I'm apologising for my part in all this. I'm sorry for what I did". My DM said, "well I did nothing wrong". Still at it.

BestZebbie · 08/10/2015 19:59

Yeah...I'm with Calleigh.
It was an accident, but the accident was the fault of the OP, and not the fault of her son - the son placed his watch in a safe place, cushioned on top of a hoodie, on a worksurface. The OP then grabbed the hoodie without looking properly and as a result, accidentally broke the watch.
None of this 'it was his fault' or 'no-one is to blame' rubbish.

I hope the OP is planning to pay to have the watch repaired, given it was her lapse that broke it.

Gruntfuttock · 08/10/2015 20:00

Be honest, you know that if it was the son that grabbed the OP's hoodie and broke the OP's watch people would be saying it was his fault, why didn't he pick up the watch first and why was he so careless and he should pay for the repair. People would say he should have looked what he was doing. Well, I think the OP should take responsibility. I would, in her position.

Original poster

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 08/10/2015 20:48

He apologised for his behaviour on the way home .I've told him already that I would pay for the repair at the beginning of all this .
Sushi that was my point exactly .
Laughing he comes with me as we live 18 miles from his school so impossible to get home on his own .as in too expensive .Plus he really enjoys it there .Been going since he was 18 months old .Now 16 So
like a second home
.Gaslighting so true.
Bupcake he was calm by the time we left work and we discussed it on the way home for ten minutes.So all sorted hopefully .
Thank you Mrs Terry.
Santa's exactly .
Constance you get it totally .
Hugo that was part of my point about being an adult .So I see you understood .
Goway I bet she's gutted but a harsh lesson to learn.
Grunt I am taking responsibility.I'm paying for the repair .I've apologised for breaking it .I've said sorry again as I realise it was an extremely precious object to him .
But I'm still standing by my belief that as happy as I am to take responsibility for breaking it I don't think it is reasonable to say it is all down to me as I had no clue it was there .I didn't see it he didn't say it was there .
I think my point is if I was in a future relationship with some one who couldn't see that some times accidents happen and there is no blame .Or sometimes things happen and looking back they were involved in the outcome in a small way and couldn't say sorry I don't think I would be happy.

OP posts:

MinecraftWonder · 08/10/2015 20:55

I think it was mainly your fault op.

I was just trying to put in into a real scenario for me. If dh asked me to grab his jacket off the counter and I swept it off without noticing his phone, which hit the floor and broke - i'd be really pissed at myself and very apologetic. I wouldn't think it was dh's fault for leaving it on top.

I doubt dh would have blamed me, but he's not a pissy teenager - I think it's perfectly understandable why a pissy teenager would be upset for a while.

But it's good that he's apologised and I think it's right for you to pay for the repair.

threenotfour · 08/10/2015 21:00

He's a teenager and it is something really precious to him. Cut him some slack and just get the watch fixed for him. I wouldn't make this in to some life lesson and have a big falling out. Showing him unconditional love and fixing some special to him will mean more in the long term.

kawliga · 10/10/2015 05:22

In a family everyone is on the same side, right? So when it's an accident you all pull together, you don't start assigning blame. There was no carelessness - it is ok to put a watch down on top of a hoodie and it is ok to quickly pick a hoodie up without first inspecting it carefully to see if there's a watch on top of it.

The whole 'blame culture' thing is not relevant in this situation because this was an accident in which both you and your ds were blameless.

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