to ask for help coping with cold sores...

[chickenofprosperity]

I am a long-time lurker on here but this is my first thread with this username. Anyway, I am really stuggling at the moment and could do with some advice and possibly a kick up the arse. Background is I'm 32, had cs's when I was in my teens and then they just stopped for some reason, I had none at all in my late teens or twenties until they suddenly came back about 3 years ago. I've had 2 so far this year, one in March, when I started taking Lysine supplements and thought I kind of had it under control, and then a couple of weeks ago one just popped up literally out of nowhere, it wasn't really big at all or even all that noticeable (except to me) but it still took a week to dry up and go away and has really knocked me for six and I'm struggling to get past it.

Are cold sores a big deal in a relationship? I'm single just now but I want to get married and have children and am worried sick that nobody will want me if I suffer from these in case I pass them on. I have read about shedding the virus even when you don't have an actual sore and so should I never kiss anyone ever again? Or give oral sex to anyone? Will future partners think that I'm infected or dirty? When should I tell them that I get cold sores? Before I kiss them? Before we have sex? What about if I have children, can I never kiss them? I'm paranoid about touching myself and although the sore is gone I can't stop washing my hands or panicking that I might self-transmit the virus to my genitals.

I have spent literally days Googling about ways to prevent and get rid of them and have spent a fortune on various supplements, gadgets and creams, I have an entire arsenal of stuff here but obviously as it's an incurable virus none of it actually is guaranteed to work. I have become obsessed with the idea of them coming back and am completely paranoid about every itch, twitch or random feeling on my lips. It's the fact that they can just appear from nowhere that I find so hard to deal with, what if they keep coming back every few weeks, I don't think I can cope. I literally can't stop panicking about it, even though I realise that stressing myself out is actually more likely to bring them on. I feel like I'm the only person who gets them and I never see anyone else with them. I am so, so aware that people deal with life threatening issues and 'bigger' things than this, I just can't seem to get any perspective on it.

So I guess what I'm asking is that if you don't get them, do you think they're a big deal and would they be a relationship deal breaker for you? And if you do get them, how do you cope with them? Thank you so much for reading this.

Great advice given here. I've had them all my life (I was very seriously ill as a baby's when I contracted it). I've been with my oh for over a decade and have 2 children and have not passed it on to them. You do have to be careful when you have them so no sharing of anything that touches your face and mouth.

The thing that has revolutionised my life (yes really that big) is the light gadget thingy you can get from boots. Now as soon as I know I have one or it's coming, I use that a few times and it stops it dead. I've not actually had a cold sore come to a blister stage or even develop further than a tingle for about 2 years since I've been using the light machine. The first time I used it I had a cold sore, huge swollen lip etc and it cleared it up in 2 days, rather than the usually week or so. I now carry it in my handbag so it's there as soon as I need it.

I also notice that weather changes, so hot to cold or cold to hot can bring one on. So at the moment I take care to not let really cold wind blow harshly on my face, and in summer I wear lip balm with sun screen in it and it seems to help.

Not popular on here but have you thought about seeing a homeopath?

i have had some awful ones

in the end i was perscribed Aciclovir tablets,a huge differrence

as i felt the tingle i start taking these,many times has stopped an outbreak

i always have a course at home so i dont have to wait for repeat perscription

Thank you all, it's really good to know I'm not alone. I'm not generally an anxious person but this has really got to me. I think there are a few other things with work etc. that may be compounding it perhaps.

I do have one of the Boots light machines, and a heat stick thing to zap them with as well. I think part of what spooked me about this recent one is that the first I knew of it was feeling the bump on my lip, there was no advance warning at all, or not that I noticed anyway, so no time to get the light machine or ice or anything on it before the blisters developed. It never got very big but it was still there and it did take it a full week to go despite using the light machine, high doses of lysine etc. I think this is why I am now hyper paranoid about every twinge or itch.

I am going to speak to the doctor, I think going on long-term antivirals would give me a bit more peace of mind that outbreaks are less likely. I also have a few new supplements to try - olive leaf extract and monolaurin, as well as a new (to me) treatment called Releev for the worst case scenario which seems to get good reviews. I always have Zovirax cream to hand as well.

Thanks for the advice/support, it's so good to know that it's not a guaranteed relationship killer. I know it doesn't define me as a person or anything but they really can hammer your self esteem. Thanks again though for helping me to regain a bit of perspective.

Both my dp and I suffer with them but our children (6 & 5) have never caught them.

At the first sign of a tingle we stick an ice pack on it, that usually kills it off and makes it go within a couple of days. We both have our own individual (cleaned each time wrapped) ice packs in the freezer for this reason.

If either of us don't catch it early enough, we have a cup each that only gets used when we have a cold sore and we treat it with tea tree oil (pure vanilla extract works well to as I found out when I didn't have any tea tree to hand) and a layer of Vaseline as a barrier.

I get them when I've been ill or run down or very tired, he gets them when he is having a stressful time at work.

Both of us have never had a problem with relationships before each other and as I said already, our dc have never caught them.

I've had them since childhood, they used to come up every year at Christmas - now I only get them on the edge of my nose (bizarre!!!)

Dh gets large ones regularly, has never been a problem, we're just scrupulous with hygiene.

Our dcs have also not caught them.

light machine??? You know UV Light is a cold sore trigger I hope!

I've had them since I was 2 (43 years) - managed to have lots of sex and relationships and get married and have 3 cold sore free kids

I think I would discuss your anxiety with your GP rather than constantly taking anti virals - it's a mildish virus - they can hurt and be a little unsightly but it's not the plague

Cold sores are the pits. I've had them since I was a child, a few a year sometimes a few at the time in nose and on lips. It really affected my life.

This cold sore machine from boots completely works.
Here in Aus you can get tablets over the counter that have a high level of acciclovir, if you take them at tingle stage the cold sore doesn't come up. Even if you take them by blister stage it speeds up recovery and cold sore is usually far smaller and gone in 2/3 days.

Stress & anxiety is a huge trigger for me and since I've started mindfulness & mediation I haven't had any.

i dont take anti virals all the time,just when i feel the tingle and then for 5 days

Dh.has had cold sores our entire relationship . I Never caught them. I'm completely unbothered by it and just wish he didn't have to go through it. Please don't worry too much

I get the bastards on my nose, sometimes. They tend to crop up around the time i ovulate, so wonderful when it comes to intimacy at the one time of the moment, during perimenopause, that I'm in the mood for any.

The only thing that's helped mine is actually a topical lysine balm. The best I've tried is Super Lysine +. Particularly the sloppy stuff in a tube, though the balm is great to keep in my handbag. I had a massive one threatening to break out one boxing day - tingle all around my lips and got as far as a small spot in the corner of my mouth. It would have been massive if I hadn't caught it. It never erupted fully - spot came and went with no scabbing.

I use it at the first tingle, now and the lip balm whenever my lips feel itchy or I'm going out in the sun (a big trigger for me - the balm has SPF). I've gone down from an attack 2 months in 3 to only 2 or 3 a year. I get over them in less than a week, too and the scabs aren't anywhere near as widespread.

DH doesn't get them and we've been together over 12 years.

My DH gets them and I've never caught them. A few days of no kissing, no big deal. It would never even have crossed my mind to end a relationship over it! So many people get them, it's a really common problem.

Some impressive levels of anti-contamination on this thread, I would never think to tell DH he has to use special cups or cutlery if he has an outbreak! Pretty sure the virus is not going to withstand the dishwasher.

I can't recommend L-Lysine tablets (1000mg) enough. I too get the HSV blisters, but around the edge of my lips - like an itchy lip liner. My lips would swell up like I'd had lip fillers - it was uncomfortable and distressing. Zovirax didn't help at all - even when I caught it at first tingle.

My trigger is heat, so every year on holiday, I'd look and feel awful. This year I decided to pre-load and take 1 x 1000mg tablet for 2 weeks before the holiday. When I felt a slight tingle, I took 3 tablets for 3 days, and not a single blister appeared.

I see you've already tried Lysine, but try tripling the dose at the first tingle - hope it works for you.

kitnka you are totally wrong - further googling might show you that.

Cold sores (oral herpes) and genital herpes are the same virus; both are Herpes simplex. HSV Type 1 (HSV-1) is usually the cause of oral herpes, whilst HSV-2 is usually the cause of genital herpes. Both can be transferred though (ie oral to genital or genital to oral) but you're likely to have fewer/less severe outbreaks, as each type prefers to lurk in the nerve ganglia of its respective area and doesn't thrive as much in the other.

I also have found tea tree oil effective and especially coconut oil, can use them together. Really really recommend it. Never passed to husband or two youngest children but eldest son has them. Never did anything differently. Wonder if some people are more susceptible/resistant to the virus?

Definitely a case of building up the immune system, probiotics are the best approach in my experience. Barely have cold sores since eating my own fermented food (much cheaper and more effective than buying probiotic tablets).

Coldsores are very common. You just don't notice them on others because they're just not as noticeable as you think - no matter how enormous we always think our own are!

I remember reading that the majority of people have been infected with the coldsore virus but only a proportion of that number actually get coldsores. Nobody really knows why.

I got my first when I was 22. For the first few years they were massive, multi-blistered disgusting things which I got 3-4 times between September and December only. ALWAYS in the same place (bottom right of lip) I even took time off work I was so embarrassed. When I was in work I used make up to cover them - which probably just made them look worse!

I became paranoid and feared the slightest tingle. I'd wake in the night and check and feel such a relief when there was no bump. Late nights were a trigger for me. I tried everything to prevent them - lysine, the light zappy thing, patches, Zovirax. But when they wanted to come, they came! After a few years they became less prominent and I'd get 1-2 per year. Then they became even smaller and less frequent and now I might get a tiny bump that even I can't see every few years. I'm 38 now and as I've got older the stress and anxiety about them has reduced massively.

My husband has suffered since he was a child and used to get maybe 8-10 a year. He suffers far less these days and usually only gets them up his nose now which is more uncomfortable but he prefers as they're invisible to others!

Our three children have never had them despite both parents and both grandmothers being big sufferers. We just don't kiss them (even on their heads) when we have one.

I so get your anxiety - I've been there - but I promise you that if you have a coldsore it's not a big deal to anyone but you. Any boyfriend who was even slightly bothered is not worth it. In fact it's a good clue that they're likely to be let downs in other ways!