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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have sat in a priority seat on the bus?

25 replies

listsandbudgets · 06/10/2015 19:57

I sometimes suffer from nocturnal seizures which leave me feeling as if I've been severely beaten up and also exhausted, dizzy and confused. I woke this morning and it was clear I'd had a seizure in the night but I had to do the school run, take DS to nursery and try to go to work. DP wasn't here so couldn't help.

I tried to call a taxi but they said they were very busy and wouldn't be able to get me one until it would be too late so I decided to get the bus.

First I had to carry 3 year old DS to bus stop as he threw a tantrum and refused to move. We waited for a bus for half an hour before one finally turned up and then it was so crowded we had to stand - me holding DS who was still having a tantrum and really suffering from pain and dizzyness. DD (9) was behaving well and trying to help but couldn't do much as she was squashed to the other side of the bus. No one offered us a seat.

After a few stops a woman got off so I sat down with DS only for a woman to approach me and tell me off because it was a priority seat for disabled people and there was an elderly woman who needed to sit down.

At which point I burst into tears and refused to move. she moved away but I could feel her giving me awful looks all the way. She didn't tell anyone else to move either, just me.

Finally got children dropped off only just in time, half collapsed in play ground and had to be driven home by another parent. I went back to bed and only woke a couple of hours ago still feeling pretty rubbish.

Probably confused still but keep worrying I should have given up my seat to the old lady who did look like she needed it

OP posts:

ohmyeyebettymartin · 06/10/2015 20:01

Based on your description, it sounds like you really needed to sit or else you risked collapsing. I wouldn't give it too much thought. The woman was trying to do what she thought was the right thing (which is good, I guess) and on this occasion she was mistaken as you really needed to sit. I hope you're feeling better now

quietbatperson · 06/10/2015 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainbowFlutterby · 06/10/2015 20:16

Fellow seizure sufferer here.

Practice this -

"You need to educate yourself on hidden disabilities before you get an attitude with me."

Naoko · 06/10/2015 20:16

You also needed it. It would be different if you were fine and well and had refused to move, but you're not. I get the evil looks and muttering as I sometimes sit in priority seats - I look like I'm young and healthy but I'm not. It's the curse of the invisible disability unfortunately. It's rubbish, especially when people then give you shit over a seat you legitimately need, but unfortunately all you can do is ignore the judginess.

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 06/10/2015 20:20

Neako when I'm well and not holding a wriggly toddler I'm usually the first to give my seat up but this morning I just couldn't manage it. Still didn't stop me feeling guilty though :(

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 06/10/2015 20:21

'Perhaps you could ask someone else to give up their seat for the elderly lady, I have a disability that is not visible to you so I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you.'

No one can argue with that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/10/2015 20:24

People are very quick to glare and somehow very slow to offer their seat. funny that.

you needed the seat and the fault lies with all the other arse holes whi stayed put. not you. and I'd have given my seat up fir the kids alone

PavlovtheCat · 06/10/2015 20:24

There are many forms of disability, not all of them are visible. You are not being unreasonable for using the seat.

It's difficult to find the right answer in these situations when you are already stressed and exhausted, but really, it's not their business why, or how you are disabled and you don't need to explain it to any one else, you know you are able to use those seats, it's no-one else's business and you don't have to prove your medical condition to use those seats.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2015 20:25

It sounds like you had a rotten morning. You were totally fine to sit in the priority seat-often they say "for those less able to stand" and because you were so exhausted you definitely met that criterion.

Can you have an early night tonight? Hope you have a better sleep.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/10/2015 20:27

On bus services here mothers holding young children are also considered a priority for seating. So you are doubly NBU.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 06/10/2015 20:42

My DC has ASD.

I know it was passive aggressive but I had business cards made up for the people giving me grief when we use the disabled toilets.

The reason we use them is that he is 9 but looks a lot older and when he needs to go he needs to go and I can't trust him to go in the males on his own and because he looks older I'm told he shouldn't be in the women ( if only he could understand social boundaries and wait)

Op don't dwell on it

PrincessTooty · 06/10/2015 20:44

You shouldn't feel guilty you didn't do anything wrong. I hope you are feeling better.

IsItMeOr · 06/10/2015 21:19

Sorry you had such a bad day and night.

You were right to use the seat. Don't give it another thought.

Hope you have a better night tonight .

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 06/10/2015 21:19

I hope the nosy bint apologised! YADNBU you needed the seat, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone and obviously werent in a fit state to start explaining night seizures etc to unsympathetic strangers on the bus! An otherwise fit and healthy pensioner is more able to stand than you were at that moment. I'm sure that not everyone else say down had such good reasons not to offer their own seats.

Just say "I'm sorry but I actually really need to sit down" if they ask politely or without the 'I'm sorry' if they are rude.

kali110 · 06/10/2015 21:20

Today 20:16 Naoko yes, so do i

kissmethere · 06/10/2015 22:01

Aren't those seats for people with children as well? I think they are in London. Hope you're feeling better.

TerryTylerlikesaTiger · 06/10/2015 22:07

I've had older people offer me a seat when carrying a baby (in a sling), you were fully entitled to that seat. I suspect she didn't approach anyone else as she realised her error.

Pennybun4 · 06/10/2015 22:07

OP sorry to read this, the people being unreasonable are the other passengers who it appears didn't check you were alright when clearly distressed. Shame on them.

Thelushinthepub · 06/10/2015 22:17

This is really not the worst thing that happened today. Poor you.

As above, if you're thinking straight you can just say im feeling very unwell but I think id probably burst into tears also

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 07/10/2015 10:01

Thank you all for replying and reassuring me. Probably now I think about it AIBU wasn't the right place for this. I really was feeling confused and miserable as well as in pain yesterday. Still feeling very achy but a bit better mentally today.

Thanks again for your kindness

OP posts:

Tarzanlovesgaby · 07/10/2015 10:03

you needed the seat.
if the old lady also needed one, she should have asked (someone else).
you need to practice a hard stare and a icy polite 'I cannot stand'

Dawndonnaagain · 07/10/2015 10:07

"You need to educate yourself on hidden disabilities before you get an attitude with me."

This. ^

FattyNinjaOwl · 07/10/2015 10:21

Ywnbu. At all. I use crutches sometimes (not always) as I suffered severe SPD when pregnant and have been told I may struggle forever, I may improve, but as it was so bad, chances are it will always cause some problems . I use priority seating. If I feel well enough to I will stand for someone who clearly needs a seat, or someone who asks to sit. If not I tell them that I am in pain and if I was to stand (without my crutches) I may fall (which I have done before )

I once had a woman give me the glare when I refused to move. I was 30 weeks pregnant, on crutches and she told me to get up off my lazy backside and let her sit down she got told to fuck off. I've also had people refuse to move bags when I've asked. So ive picked the bag up and plonked it on the floor and sat down. Seats are for people not bags.

Topaz25 · 07/10/2015 10:23

I hate the priority seat/parking space police. There are lots of invisible conditions that make you need to sit down. YWNBU to use the seat.

I am concerned that you had to go out while so ill though. It might have been better for the DCs to miss a day of school than be put in danger if you had collapsed in a unsafe place and you also have to think of your own health. Is there any way you can put an arrangement in place with DH or other parents at the school to help if this happens in future?

Pseudo341 · 07/10/2015 13:15

YANBU you poor thing! Can you carry some kind of card to show people explaining a bit about your condition? I have a couple for my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome but actually haven't used them yet as the walking sticks/wheelchair tend to give it away. Failing that would you be comfortable saying "I had a seizure in the night, I need the seat"? I appreciate you're not obliged to share your medical details with complete strangers but it would probably be the best way of dealing with the situation quickly and may actually educate them ready for the next person with an invisible condition they encounter. Personally I think you would have been justified to ask whoever was in the priority seat to give it up for you in the first place but I appreciate not everyone's that brave. Anyway, hope you're feeling better now.

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