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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be dreading breastfeeding second time round?

29 replies

BoutrosBoutros · 06/10/2015 19:04

With DS I bf until 13 months. My main worry before he was born was 'will I be able to breastfeed?' And we had a v tough start but after a few weeks (and tongue tie snip) he was a great feeder and I was happy to continue until we reached a natural stopping point for us both.

DC2 is due in a few weeks and I am surprised to find myself dreading it - the mess, the clinginess, getting your tits out in public. It never really bothered me the first time around and I didn't expect to feel so negative about it all. I still intend to bf if I can because I believe it's the best thing for the baby, but I'm kind of dreading it!!

Did anyone else feel like this ahead of number 2? If so, was it ok when the baby arrived? Did it feel natural again or am I just overthinking it all?

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 06/10/2015 19:09

My opinion - you are overthinking it. You're almost setting yourself up to fail. You managed to bf til13 months before (which is not too shabby at all). The getting the old boobies out will just come back naturally. Good luck x

Doublebubblebubble · 06/10/2015 19:10

Also, even if you cant bf... Formula isn't poison x

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/10/2015 19:10

Don't set yourself any rules, just see how you and the baby get on with it.

BBQueen · 06/10/2015 19:12

I was a bit different as hated be the first time too, but DD1 would take a bottle, so didn't feel too tied.

With DD2, I intended to mix feed for a month or so before using formula. She has not taken a bottle once (I've tried almost every single day since she was a week or so old). I'm now tied to bf 6 months in, which I really dislike and in struggling, TBH. I wish I'd just used formula from the start.

I hope it's different for you, but please have the confidence to just use formula if that's what you want to do.

ChilledAndPleasant · 06/10/2015 19:14

I agree with TestingTesting - see how you get on. Even have a few bottles and some formula on standby just in case it's all too much.

I BF both mine - was MUCH easier the second time around. Less pain, barely a bleeding nipple...I don't think it bled at all, in fact.

I would think that it probably would all feel natural again for you when you start again but wonder if having the bottles and stuff on standby might help you feel less pressured and just get on with it.

Good luck!

LineyReborn · 06/10/2015 19:15

I found it very easy second time round, which I wasn't expecting tbh.

Bottlecap · 06/10/2015 19:16

I hated BFing the first time around. Second time was so much easier. Your boobs are teflon-coated now.

CupboardOfBacon · 06/10/2015 19:17

Yes, I felt exactly this way with with ds2.
I easily fed ds1 for 11months but for some reason I was worried about I the second time round. That feeling went away the minute I had ds2 and popped him on my boob.

Don't put any pressure on yourself, if you don't enjoy it this time round there is nothing wrong with formula

HackerFucker22 · 06/10/2015 19:18

I am what I consider a reluctant breastfeeder. Had DC2 taken a bottle I have no doubt she'd be formula fed.

(she shredded my nipples to bits and was ingesting my blood!!). However we're 9 months in and dare I say I feel quite sad when I think feeding may come to an end - when baby is ready, I'll carry on for as long as she wants.

Interestingly I didn't feed DC1 expressed for 8 weeks then formula so I assumed I wouldn't be successful this time what with having a toddler as well as a baby, but it was fine!

Original poster

BoutrosBoutros · 06/10/2015 19:19

Thanks everyone that's really reassuring. I think you're right doublebubble I just need to get on with it and stop worrying. I think I've just surprised myself as I've always been an advocate of bf where possible and very much in favour so I didn't expect to feel so negative about it.

Good idea to get some formula in. Also now I know what to look for with tongue tie I'll be looking from day one and demanding some help getting it cut if needs be!

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 06/10/2015 19:23

I really struggled with bfing Ds1. He was on a bottle by a week old. I never beat myself up about it, I'd tried but just couldn't do it. I tried again with Ds2, with brilliant support from a wonderful, patient midwife and managed 15 months. I was about 5 months pregnant with Ds3 when I stopped bfding Ds2. Ds3 was bf for around 8 months. All three pregnancies were totally different, as were the challenges of bfing, so if you want to give it a go, ask for help and support. If you decide it's not for you, don't allow anyone, especially yourself, to make you feel guilty about it. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery and remember that your decision about feeding is not set in stone. Just see how it goes.

AlphaVTango · 06/10/2015 19:23

I've been a lurker for ages and have registered to reply to this post as this is exactly how I'm feeling. No idea why as had no problems first time round.

FoodPorn · 06/10/2015 19:41

Me too! DC2 arrives tomorrow and I am feeling some dread. I EBF DC1 for about 18 months but there was so much pain and I hated doing it in public and I used to feed to sleep. I'm praying it is easier this time.

KatieLatie · 06/10/2015 20:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pointythings · 06/10/2015 20:30

I found second time round much, much easier - no tongue tie (though I knew what to look for) and at least one of us knew what they were doing.

I did 13 months with both of mine, but was lucky enough to have buckets of milk and easy babies - for me doing bottles would have felt like too much work.

Helloitsme15 · 06/10/2015 20:33

Loads easier for me with DC2. Every child is different.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 06/10/2015 20:34

I found I was guilted into continuing breastfeeding with DC1 and hated every time he fed, this went on for 6 months until I had a mental breakdown.

Dc2 after 3 days I had the same feeling but I basically said that I couldn't do it again and go and get me some formula and bottles ect.

poocatcherchampion · 06/10/2015 20:35

Yes! I am waiting for number 3 and feel the same. I am an extended bf-er but still thinking "really, I'm going to have to sleep with a muslin down my bra?????"

Agree we need to put it out of our minds

Devonicity · 06/10/2015 20:42

I found it much easier second time. Not just physically (as a PP said, at least one of you knows what you're doing) but also mentally. First time I never really believed I'd get my body back and be without a screamy limpet permanently demanding milk. Second time around I knew that stage would pass and it felt so much better.

Original poster

BoutrosBoutros · 06/10/2015 22:42

Alpha FoodPorn and poocatcher good to hear I'm in good company!! I can't put my finger on why I feel so negative about it, maybe because DS is here and I was happy to do it for him but this new baby seems very conceptual at the moment. I'm sure once our babies arrive and are little people inhabiting our lives the sacrifices (and leaking and limited wardrobe and social life) will all seem totally worth it!

I was a bit scared to post in AIBU but everyone's been lovely and given really supportive advice - thanks very much!!!

OP posts:

Runningupthathill82 · 06/10/2015 23:11

With DS, I bfed for a year and was a complete martyr to the cause. I had mastitis four times, had to exclusively express for three months, had to use a weird popper thing to get my inverted nipple out each feed, yet he was still readmitted to hospital twice as he lost so much weight. It was a nightmare.

I ended up severely sleep deprived to the point where I was collapsing with tiredness (probably because with trying to latch all the time, plus expressing, I never got any sleep), and so stressed I spent much of each day in tears.

Bloody madness. I can see that now. He's now almost three and when I see him wolfing a bag of jelly beans, frankly I wonder why it all seemed so important. Formula isn't poison.

This time round, I'm dreading bfing - but I also know I'm not putting myself and my family through all that shit again. I'll try and bf DC2 but if it doesn't work after a week or two, she'll go straight onto Aptamil and I won't regret a thing.

It's not the be all and end all I thought it was!

familygermsareok · 07/10/2015 00:11

Agree with pp, don't put yourself under any pressure, both are perfectly good ways of feeding a baby, so whatever works best for you.

I struggled for the first few weeks with bf both first and second times (poor latching leading to pain and bleeding nipples) and ended up mixed feeding which gave me best of both worlds. I mostly bf/expressed but if I was really tired DH gave a bottle of ff in the evening which gave me a break. I generally found bf less faff, no sterilising bottles or carrying supplies with me, but I could get a break if needed.
I didn't find my milk supply was affected and both DC coped with nipple and bottle fine. I didn't start ff till about 6 weeks though so my milk was well established by then. So best of both worlds is possible, but bottom line, do what works for you.

poocatcherchampion · 07/10/2015 07:29

In my fuzzy disturbed pregnant sleep I dreamt about bf all night last night and it was that feeling when your boobs are really full and they drain them and the pain goes.

I feel more positive today now because losing that pain is fab!

All down to this thread!

AlphaVTango · 07/10/2015 08:10

Also reassuring that other people feel this way. I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one.
I can't put my finger on why I'm feeling like this either. It's not the thought of doing it again as I found it so easy last time.
I'm hoping once they're here and a real little person my feelings will change.

minime8 · 07/10/2015 08:17

I bf'd my first for 12 months til she self weaned. I was dreading it with my 2nd but also dreaded the alternative as had no experience of making up formula or sterilising bottles. When ds arrived it just worked. There was little pain the second time, I was much better at making sure he got a correct latch as I knew what it was supposed to be like. I also found it much easier to whip out a boob whilst entertaining and supervising a toddler than disappearing off to the kitchen to make a bottle. Whatever you do, you'll be fine and baby will be fine, just relax!

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