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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about my 12 year old sons hair?

59 replies

moodyandgrumpyandsad · 06/10/2015 18:49

My 12 year old is refusing to cut his hair, as he has got obsessed with having it permed . A couple of older boys In his school have it, and are cool and popular. Unfortunately my son is desperate to fit in, always has been, but his desperation clearly shows to others and he's experienced low level bullying the last year.

He looks awful, his hair is in that overgrown stage, its all different lengths and is very wiry and bushy and he looks really scruffy. He is refusing to cut it, as he wants a perm. This would cost about £60, which he hasn't got. I am not paying it, as I can guarantee that he would hate it once done, and there's no way I can afford it anyway!

How long do I let him continue with this? Apart from anything else if he did have it I think the bullying would go into overdrive!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

TurnOffTheTv · 06/10/2015 20:18

Boys with perms are getting out of control round my way! Cut short round the side, permed on top! From about age 10

EarSlaps · 06/10/2015 20:20

Could he try an instrument? Something 'cool' like electric guitar (then he can use headphones when practicing to spare your ears ).

ReallyTired · 06/10/2015 20:21

My son's hair is naturally like those perms. It's an absolute sod to look after. A perm is even harder than naturally curley hair. Boys have to play football and rugby at school and a perm is not practical.

My son did try to grow his hair, but I forced him to get it cut ad he struggled to keep tangle free. There is nothing wrong with boys having long hair provided they look after it.

EarSlaps · 06/10/2015 20:25

Also- if his hair is a bit wiry and bushy could it be scrunched with a bit of gel or mousse? Could be a cheaper option or give him an idea of how terrible a perm could look?

Goodness me, have we jumped back 30 years?!

DixieNormas · 06/10/2015 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goawayalready · 06/10/2015 20:29

cant you use hair curlers/tongs etc to see what it would look like? hell i used to curl my hair with an old sheet tore into strips

Purplepoodle · 06/10/2015 20:31

How about more youth organisation than sports for confidence boost. One of the cadet forces, scouts ect. I was bullied at school, didn't fit in but bloomed once I made a whole new group of friend and could just brush off the school stuff

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:34

mine go more for the mop look - I'd love them to get it short at the back and sides and swept back of their faces.

eleflump · 06/10/2015 20:34

Yes, weirdly, perms seem to be the new thing for the boys at my son's school too - cut short or shaved round the side and then a big permed mop on the top.

DS is desperate for a perm but no way...they look like a herd of alpacas going up the road!

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:35

and yes, they go to Scouts and love it there and have a nice group of friends - they aren't even all nerdy geeks :o

ohtheholidays · 06/10/2015 20:36

OP you said aabout sports has he tried other kinds of hobbies?music,leaarning to play an instrument,drama,art,drawing,painting,sculpting,photography,or he might have a flair for cooking,animation.One of our sons DS14 loves making cartoon videos his Dad helps him set it all up and then he sticks them on youtube.

Pipbin · 06/10/2015 20:42

Boys have to play football and rugby at school and a perm is not practical.
Tell that to 80s footballers.

I've got no advice to offer the OP but I just can't picture this perm for boys. Can someone please post a picture?

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/10/2015 20:43

moody
What does he like to watch on TV, music he listens to?
My Dd isn't an activity type at all, never has been but has her interests in TV and music, and anime.
She went from having almost waist length blonde hair, to a choppy black/purple do, with some dip dying in between, and she did it all herself.
He'll find his way.

EmmaWoodlouse · 06/10/2015 20:44

I wouldn't encourage him to get a perm as they're expensive, don't last that long and there's no guarantee it would look good on him. However, I would let him continue to grow his hair. It sounds as if he has the sort of hair that looks messy unless it's either very short or long enough for the waviness to sort of settle down, and he's obviously looking for some kind of individuality so this could be the answer.

Original poster

moodyandgrumpyandsad · 06/10/2015 20:45

He's tried football, tyqwando, piano and guitar.

He refuses to use gel/try and style his hair, he just let's it dangle in his eyes!

Some kind of activity would be great, like cadets, but there is no way he would consider it he would just refuse. I will try again to speak to him though

OP posts:

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:48

Like this I think Pipbin

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:50

or maybe more like this :)

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:52

tbh - i'd tell him the perm aint happening because pf the cost but google and look at images of current styles and let him go through them and you could maybe guide him a bit as to what would suit - if he takes a picture to the hairdresser, they will soon tell him if it's going to work with his hair or not.

FarFromAnyRoad · 06/10/2015 20:53

AnyFucker Tue 06-Oct-15 19:53:16

Get him to join Army Cadets or Air Training Cadets

It transformed my boy's life

This, in spades. It also transformed by son's life - took him away from all that fitting in shit, built his confidence, gave him something he loved and was good at and led to D of E Gold. I cannot recommend it highly enough - do they have this at his school?

Fairiesarereal · 06/10/2015 20:53

...they look like a herd of alpacas going up the road!

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:54

btw OP that is the best spelling of Tae kwon do I've ever seen :o

Littledafty · 06/10/2015 20:54

Last time I was at the hairdresser we got chatting about styles. I was asking her if she had to do many perms anymore and was stunned when she said boys were asking for them.
She seemed to think it was a Joey Essex influence

EmmaWoodlouse · 06/10/2015 20:54

myotherusername my DS1's hair looks exactly like the first picture and his is natural! He used to have a huge woolly mop that stuck out sideways like Krusty the Clown, but since he started having the bottom half cut shorter we all think he looks a lot better!

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 20:59

My DS2 had hair like that as a toddler - now it is a mop.

swampytiggaa · 06/10/2015 21:00

My boy is on trend then - he has stupidly curly hair. He was growing it - wanted dreadlocks - but he wasn't detangling it when wet so he was developing one dread on the back of his head lol.

He now has it short on the sides and back and curly on the top. Eldest calls him a bubble head lol.

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