WIBU to speak to the class leader about this ?

[Pixieduster79]

I'm not sure if I'm being a bit PFB and need some perspective (I suffer social anxiety and I find it very difficult to know how to react to situations).

PFB is 5; she goes to a tumble tots type class . There is a girl in this class who is a year older than dd.

We hardly know her but have talked to her parents a few times at the class as the girls seemed to play together .

It has become apparent that this girl is quite rough in her play and is starting to really get on my dds nerves - as well as mine .

She appears to have no social boundaries - she thinks nothing of trying to sit on my DH lap at the class , or wrapping her arms around my waist whilst her parents do nothing .

In yesterday's class , this girl physically hurt my dd on more than one occasion . I don't think she is being malicious - more over excited and far too rough .

In the space of 45 minutes , she "bopped" my dd on the top of the head hard , pushed her in to another child and grabbed her arm leaving a mark .

When this happens , my dd tells her to stop and the girl seems oblivious

My dd is petite and I got really frustrated watching this today .

The issue is , as both girls are at the same stage , they can't be moved to different groups . As the girl is not being malicious as such and appears to be playing , I can't see it making any difference if the class teacher has a word - especially as she is not going to be able to watch all of the time .

I don't want to cause a fuss , but I also don't want to allow my dd to keep getting hurt I could tell today , it is starting to bother her .

Dd has asked me to tell the class teacher . I said I would but explained that it won't be possible to be separated , but the teacher should keep an eye on it .

How should I approach it ? I'm friendly ish with the teacher - should I text her and mention it or wait until the next class and mention it or should I tell dd to tell the girl firmly to stop ?

Part of the problem is that dd is happy to play with the girl , but then it gets rough and the cycle is repeated .

I don't want my dd to think I won't protect her , but on the other hand , I don't want to cause a fuss over something that is unlikely to change , unless dd keeps away from this girl .

Help !

I disagree that it's appropriate behaviour for a 6 year old - going up to strangers and sitting on their lap? No!

Just talk to the leader/teacher. I'm sure they are used to over excitable children over the years. Recently DS got upset at a park because a group of children wouldn't let him get on an equipment. He tried to sort it but when he couldn't he asked me to talk to their parents. Despite my reluctance I did because I want him to know that I would protect him. Anyway, the parents were perfectly nice about it. Phew!

Oh rubbish, the same way you can teach the boisterous indoor voice and gentle hands, the milder can be taught to use a stronger voice and how to assert themselves more. Neither are fixed behaviours that cannot be helped and you may not be able/want to change personality types but you can teach social skill and strategies. Op use this as growing and learning session. We don't have to toughen our special snow flakes of either variety but helping them cope and deal with other people is what 90% of parenting is about.

Someone is hurting your dd albeit unintentionally. You mention it to teacher and if it continues you intervene with the kids and move your child out of her way, you do not have to continue to let your dd be hurt by this child. I would not approach the parents of the child as that is up to the teacher but no I would not continue to see my child being hurt by another child. I say that as a mother of a very over zealous child btw who is capable of being that other child.

You need to get your daughter to say in a clear voice (without shouting) "Stop! that's hurting me" or "Stop! I don't like when you do that to me".

If it continues, you could also get your daughter to go over to this girls parent(s) and say to them "I asked/told X to stop hurting me and my arm/head hurts because she bopped my head/grabbed my arm".

I think you just tell the teacher and ask her if she can keep an eye open for it. You can do that without it turning into a big thing. It does sound like the child is just a bit rambunctious, but even lively children need to learn that they can hurt people unintentionally and need to be more careful.

Otherwise she could end up like one of dh's exes, who would just randomly kick people quite hard, hard enough to hurt, because no one had bothered to tell her not to.

I would ask the class leader what her strategy is for boisterous kids as your daughter has asked you to talk to the leader about it - and tell her what has happened.

I would mention it to the leader and when they are put into groups or circles, they'll probably be separated.

No need to make mountains out of mole hills. DD is getting pushed about a bit and doesn't like it so asks you to have a word with class leader. You say "DD asked me to have a word with you because x is pushing her about a bit. I was wondering if you could keep an eye on them"
No need to change classes/make your daughter feel she's doing something wrong. Just have a quick word

You CAN teach a child to be more assertive.

My children practiced being assertive at home. They needed reassurance that their assertiveness wasn't rudeness.

Agree with the last couple of posts that suggests a gentle request that the leader looks out for trouble and separate them when necessary.

Assertiveness is a very important skill for children to learn! Nothing to do with "toughening them up" at all, it's just giving them the confidence to speak up when they are in a situation they are uncomfortable with!

Children that age are clingy and do that stuff all the time? Bollocks they do. There are very few 5 year olds who will clamber in strange mens laps or fling their arms around strange women! I find that behaviour quite bizarre in fact.
Neither is it normal to be hitting and grabbing other members of the class hard enough to leave marks.

OP you need to tell the class teacher that this needs to be managed much better (that is part of their job) and the teacher can speak to the parents about it. Wouldn't harm to encourage your own child to be more assertive though. Not by pushing back (which is an awful idea and is hardly going to teach them that hurting others is wrong!) but by using their words and telling the other child : don't do that, you are hurting me, etc.

Some children are just more rough and tumble, especially if they have older siblings. Take her out of the class for now.

Why should she? Children shouldn't be hurting each other, and are usually capable of knowing that at 5.