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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up trying to get DD to wear underwear?

20 replies

Dionysuss · 05/10/2015 19:59

Dd1 is 10. She had always been fussy with clothing. Mainly shoes, socks and underwear. She spent from the age of 2 to 4 living in joggers and crocs.

She's not too bad with shoes anymore, we know what socks she likes so bulk buy multipacks. But knickers have been an ongoing battle. We have bought every type, every brand every fabric. She will not wear them.

At school she will change for pe in the toilets, as do a few other girls. She wears football shorts under skirts. Trousers are washed after each use and no one has noticed she doesn't wear pants, even on a week long camping trip with cubs.

I think it's a battle I can't win, my sister thinks it's ridiculous and she just has to have underwear.

Aibu to just leave DD commando?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 05/10/2015 20:05

You've tried boys loose cotton jersey boxers?

TBH she's wearing shorts anyway, some sort of boxers would mean less washing for you but I'm not sure I could face the battle.

BTW your dd is NBU to find most girls knickers uncomfortable, I get where she's coming from!

RandomMess · 05/10/2015 20:06

Have you discussed how she is going to handle it when she has periods?

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 05/10/2015 20:06

She's at the age where she'll need pants soon though. Puberty is a bitch, even more so without knickers. Have you tried maybe the extra small ladies pants? My eldest prefers the seamless boy shorts from primark, apparently they're least irritating. She's 12, and in the size eight. A six might fit your daughter?

Sirzy · 05/10/2015 20:10

My first thought was about periods too. Unfortunately it's Probably not a long term option.

Sirzy · 05/10/2015 20:13

Expensive I know but would these work? shop.sensory-smart.com/smartknitkids-seamless-undies-for-girls---3pack-pinkpurplewhite-475-p.asp

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 05/10/2015 20:14

As pp have you tried boys cotton boxers they similar to shorts.

BSites · 05/10/2015 20:21

My DD was the same. She never grew out of it, and as an adult she wears clean jeans or trousers every day. She owns a few pairs of knickers for emergencies.

Senpai · 05/10/2015 20:38

She'll obviously have to adjust during puberty, unless she's ok with tampons. But in the mean time, I wouldn't worry about it. DH never wears undies and he's none the worse off for it.

Personally, I would choose your battles. As long as she isn't commando with a skirt and no shorts, it's not worth fighting about a piece of clothing no one but her knows she has on or off.

Original poster

Dionysuss · 05/10/2015 21:08

We've tried all types of boxers too.
I have bin bags full of pants. They can't be returned to the shop. I could open an underpants museum.

Regarding periods, at the moment she club swims 5 days a week. I'm assuming unless she's going to miss a lot of training each month she's going to have to try tampons.

OP posts:

sproketmx · 05/10/2015 21:15

My hubby turned 33 last month and he's still commando. I wouldn't worry

MrsMook · 05/10/2015 21:30

Daft question, but has she tried inside out so the seams are on the outside?

Not wearing underwear could be awkward in secondary school. If you have several classes changing at the same time, changing in the toilets could become impractical. Also heavier discharge at some points of the menstrual cycle could be problematic aside from being left dependent on tampons which don't suit everyone.

carbolicsoaprocked · 05/10/2015 21:33

If she's comfortable enough with a swimming costume do you think she might wear that instead of knickers? At least until she gets used to them.

Have you checked with a doctor in case there's a medical reason for it?

Norest · 05/10/2015 21:37

Her body. She manages fine so far. So let her carry on. Maybe when she starts her periods she might have to wear underwear for tht time of the month. But really I can't see why it is a problem? You say she wears shorts under her trousers etc, and so it's not as though she is accidentally flashing herself etc.

Original poster

Dionysuss · 05/10/2015 21:41

There's no medical issue. For swimming she wears tight knee skin compression suit with no complaints.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/10/2015 21:46

I'd leave her be for now. she might feel differently when hormonal changes mean she gets more discharge or starts her periods.

if she's wearing shorts she's effectively wearing some form of underwear.

we love the seam free shorts from M&s they are black and come in a pack.of three.

I think the bigger the deal that's made of it the less inclined she will be to wear them

Bubbletree4 · 05/10/2015 21:55

I think you should try to get her to wear them now.

Periods aside, knickers are meant to a absorb bacteria from your bum and then get chucked in the wash. If you don't wear knickers but wear shorts which don't have the same sort of hugging gusset, the shorts will not do this job well. The shorts will from time to time stick up her bum and then move a bit. The effect is rather like wiping back to front and getting an infection.

Also she will start getting discharge at some stage and again, the knickers will absorb this.

TheCraicDealer · 05/10/2015 21:55

Aside from the period issue (leakage likely at some point in the early days, even with tampons), I'd be concerned about the move to secondary school. Depending on uniform the football shorts might be visible under skirts, she might have to wear tights (similar issue?) and she'll likely have to change in more communal changing rooms for PE. I'd make it a non issue for the time being and maybe explore the seamless versions in six months or so.

I like the idea of going commando as an adult but the idea of even moderately tight jeans and seams makes me want to cross my legs. And the washing- you'd be washing seven pairs of trousers a week at least.

Excited101 · 05/10/2015 21:55

Will she not just get used to them over time? I'd be concerned that if it really isn't a medical issue then she will just need to get used to them, I struggle to believe that she couldn't manage to get used to one type of underwear and I'm afraid I'd be insisting on her wearing it, even if it was just when going out.

At 10 hormones will soon (if not already) be raging, discharge and residue from poo and wee will be going straight onto her clothes and it isn't nice or hygienic.

I just don't believe she can't get used to it, if she can wear a swimsuit that amount of time with no problems then I should imagine it's more of a behaviour issue, perhaps a need for control rather than a genuine problem.

Bubbletree4 · 05/10/2015 21:56

One more thing, are you buying the knickers big enough? My dd likes knickers that don't constrict her.

Knickers do vary a lot though. Could you ask her exactly what/where the problem with knickers occurs?

SonjasSister · 05/10/2015 22:07

I always wear my knickers inside out! Much comfier

I think though now she is 10, so long as she is aware of the fact that her periods will start reasonably soon (and broadly what that will entail) perhaps your best approach is to leave the initiative to her- indicating that you are not exasperated, are happy to buy/ try other options that she selects, but that she is in control.

(I am also presuming that she is as modest as you would wish her to be!)

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