I live with my parents at the minute as I'm 29 weeks pregnant but will eventually be moving out. My DF has recently been diagnosed with mouth cancer and after an operation to remove it he found out it had spread to his glands. It's an aggressive form of cancer however doctors are confident it can be treated with radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
This is a stressful time for the whole family and I appreciate that everyone has been rallying round in support. My grandmother, DFs MIL has been a big help to my my DM, however, myself and my parents have had a number of experiences where we get a bit fed up of her interfering and constant moaning.
She has a heart of gold, but will often turn up uninvited ridiculously early in the morning, between 8 and 9am, by which time we are all up and about but not in any way expecting visitors. She will turn up when my DM is in work, and tell my DF she's here to clean, and understandably, my DF gets a bit peed off as we are all more than capable of cleaning our home. I understand why she wants to help as I'm pregnant, my DF has cancer and my mum works a lot, but as his treatment hasn't started yet and my arms and legs work perfectly fine, cleaning the house isn't an issue.
often when she comes round early in the morning I will still be in my room and if I'm not working I will take advantage of having a sleep in as falling asleep at night has become increasingly difficult. When she comes round, she will tell my DF she is just 'popping to the loo' and on her way down she will come into my room and wake me up. Now i understand she wants to say hi, but I wouldn't dream of entering someone's bedroom knowing full well they will be asleep (and had I known she would be visiting I would have woken up and make myself look presentable, but as she always turns up unannounced it makes it difficult). My DF cannot stand the idea of her walking into bedrooms upstairs but he's far too polite to say anything.
She will always comment on our finances, and I know she is trying to help, and often offers to pay for a lot of things which really isn't necessary but she insists, so I do feel guilty for ever moaning because she is trying to be nice. I think at the minute for me and my DF, it's getting far too much but as its my DMs mum he will not say anything about her just turning up. A week or so ago, a nurse came round to see my DF and my grandmother was eavesdropping through the door, then came upstairs to tell my I needed to make sure my DF goes to his doctors appointment because he has just refused to to the nurse, or at least she thinks that's how the conversation went. I told her he wouldn't miss a doctors appointment and I wasn't going to tell him to go as he is a grown man he doesn't need me to tell him what he should be doing. Of course he did go to his appointment as she heard wrong, but it was just another example of her interfering.
It probably sounds really petty, but with the stress of a newborn on the way who is due during my DFs treatment, and of course the stress of my DFs health, the last thing we need is someone who thinks they are helping but really isn't at all.
She moans about everything from our dogs to our choice of kitchen appliances we choose to have on show. She will also start dictating what rooms our dogs should or shouldn't be allowed in, and each time she comes, she insists on locking them outside despite them barking to come back in. Then when we let them in because it's unfair to leave the locked outside obviously, she makes comments about how unreasonable it is and how with a baby on the way they need to learn to like being outside. (Very annoying)
She turned up unannounced once again today, and I hadn't realised til about 5 minutes before she was due to leave, and before I had a chance to go and say hello, she burst into the living telling me how rude I was for not coming in to say hi. I apologised explained I was about 2 minutes away from coming into the kitchen to see her (I was sorting something out on my phone at the time) and I hadn't realised she was here but she responded by pulling a face and walking out. I was tempted to tell her that I would lay out a red carpet next time but I refrained.
Is there a polite way of telling her she can't just keep turning up unannounced? AIBU for thinking she should ask first before she comes? I understand she is my grandmother and is family, but I would never dream of going to her house without asking first. My DF most definitely agrees with me but my DM just tells us to 'let things go in one ear and out the other' - perhaps easy for her but certainly not for me or my DF as she mostly turns up when my DM is at work.
I'm not sure if it's just the stress of hearing the news about DFs cancer spreading and I'm being a little harsh but I just wish she wouldnt turn up every 2 days or so without checking we're not busy first, or at least if she does insist on coming round, to try and not moan.