Is 9 months notice too early for hen do?

[ZenNudist]

I get an email from bridesmaid 9 months in advance 'it's time to plan the hen do!!'

wtf is planning a hen do 9 months out reasonable? I'm a bit over hen dos as me and all my friends got married about 5-6 years ago. 3 months notice was acceptable.

People used to wait until it was the year of the wedding. Wedding is next year in summer.

Common and garden night out in a city not too far away. Not some kind if holiday thing.

There's a bit of a drip feed on this (I don't know bride very well and don't know her friends at all but I wanted to show willing as invited). I mainly want to know how far in advance it's reasonable to plan a hen?

So it is 6 months away?... April?

Then they do need to start getting numbers and hatching an outline of a plan - date, accommodation etc. I don't think it's on that they're in effect excluding some people, but that's a separate issue.

FWIW, I wouldn't go either from what you've just said.

You know the groom?

When you say you "know" him - are you his sister? Or SIL?

Because if you are then you need to make more of an effort for family IMO.

And regardless I think it's a bit self absorbed and lazy to say that because you and your mates all got married 5 years ago, you are now over hen nights.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza I love your username.

You make a good point too. OP if you're over hen nights, you don't seem to like these people, you're already judging the bride, just do everybody a favour and pull out so you can go to your other event.

I have known groom 18 years. I'm not family.

I'm a friend if groom we have never been romantically linked!!!

you're a friend of the groom?

I think just don't go. I hate this shit. I think so many people because they feel obliged. And the idea of "it gives people time to save up" - I'll save up for what matters in my life, not someone's hen do!!

I'm with you Lorelei. It's a night out with a crowd of people I just don't know. I agree with your 'feeling obliged' point. I'm hoping the bride isn't going to take it too badly as right now it looks like there are only 4 confirmed guests and her.

one reason there will be so few may be that it's quite far in advance and it sounds like a mission (to me anything other than a night out is a mission).

In a case like this I would make up something - say you're meant to be away that weekend.

Well at the moment I can still say my family member Is having a big birthday celebration then tone it down to the usually family meal out nearer the time

It's about as convincing as "I'm washing my hair"

Zen, I think when we know we are lying, we always think excuses don't sound good. But tbh what's the difference? I missed a friend's hen night because it was my dad's 70th. It really was....how was she to know that if it wasn't, I would have made something up?

but yes, it really was. how would anyone know?

I've had a lot of issues/problems with weddings and hen nights and so on, partly because of the fashion to invite early and send out "save the date". I rather resent it in fact; it's like saying "My wedding is SO IMPORTANT I am going to give you 18 months warning, don't you dare put anything else in your diary". It's one thing if it is a close close friend - but in your case, that is the groom anyway?

it's another thing entirely if it's not. Put it this way, if I could call that person at 4am if my home was flooding, I'd feel like I had to go to their hen night - but then only if it was one reasonable night that I could afford.

the only way the crazy weddings and hen nights will calm down is if everyone gets them back in perspective - so even if they think you are lying, so what? There is even an argument that you hardly know the bride so you could simply decline the invite - she's not close enough to ask "by the way, what you are up to that weekend?" is she? Maybe she is and I've got the wrong impression.