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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two years on......still cry ......miss my mum.

36 replies

Janeymoo50 · 02/10/2015 23:12

AIBU...I still cry, probably at least once a week, quite badly. She was 80. She Was fine (ish) until about 9 months before she died and then the last 9 months were just awful, stopped eating, got depressed (her), I still miss her so much it feels sometimes like a physical ache/pain, sometimes I even cry on the train or in a supermarket just randomly I miss her so much. Surely this is not normal?

OP posts:

LittleCandle · 03/10/2015 07:58

My mum died 16 years ago in a car accident. There are still days that i could stay curled up in bed, weeping because I miss her so much. At the moment, I am expecting my first grandchild any day, and the thought that my mother will not know her is heartbreaking. My friend's mother is slowly dying and I am very close to her, too, and it brings it all back. I don't think you ever get over missing your mum.

stolemyusername · 03/10/2015 08:07

My mum died in August this year when I was 35 weeks pregnant, we live on the other side of the world and hadn't spoken in months because of a stupid argument and the fact that we're both so stubborn. I couldn't go home to the funeral because of the pregnancy, and had to say goodbye by text message. My friend messaged to ask me if it was ok with me that she went and it near broke me to know that she would be there to say goodbye to my mum when I couldn't.

She said she was trying to hang on for the baby but never made it. I feel so jealous when DH shares photos of DS with his mother as I will never be able to do that and it hurts so much at times, especially as people don't understand why it hurts as we never had the best relationship, it doesn't mean I didn't want to be close to her as we used to be.

florentina1 · 03/10/2015 08:11

It is absolutely normal when you love someone. My dad has been dead over 40 years and it still hurts like hell.

However, when I get down,I hear him say "Buck up Baby,let's have some toast and tea". That was his cure for everything. My advice, have a cry, give yourself a hug, remember loving and losing someone is hard.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 03/10/2015 08:14

Oh goodness you guys have brought a tear to my eye

Eva50 · 03/10/2015 08:41

I lost my Mum just over three years ago and I have, mostly, made peace with it. I still find myself with her favourite items in my basket at M&S checkout. I still think "oh, wait until I tell Mum that" or when one of the boys does something special I think "Mum will be so proud when I tell her". However she lives on in me and in my boys. I find myself doing the things she did, saying the things she said and I feel she is never far away. I ask her for advice and believe she guides me to the right decision. It was ds1's birthday this week. He was Mums favourite Grandchild although she didn't show it openly much and I felt she was very close that day.

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling grief or crying when you need to but it may be worth speaking to your GP to see if he can arrange for you to speak to someone.

diddl · 03/10/2015 09:03

I lost my mum nearly 18yrs ago & can still cry about it (as I am doing now).

My oldest doesn't remember her & my youngest wasn't born & I still want to scream at the unfairness of it.

The pain never goes imo, you just learn to live with it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/10/2015 11:07

Aww sweetheart. Sending you love thoughts and ((((((((())))))))) (hugs). Of course it's normal. I don't think you ever get over the death of a loved one.
I often cry for my mum, oh she's still with us but in body only. Her spirit and personality died a while ago. I don't know who it is that I go to visit but it's certainly not my lovely vibrant fun loving mum, she's just a shell, really.

SilverNightFairy · 03/10/2015 11:16

Losing a beloved parent is so hard on the heart, isn't it? My dad has been gone 15 years. I will miss him every day of my life. In a way, it's a massive tribute to our lovely mum's and dad's that we feel their loss so deeply. Sending huge hugs your way.

rainbowstardrops · 03/10/2015 11:21

Completely normal OP.
My lovely mum died 10 yrs ago and I'm blubbing as I type!
My mum died when my ds was 5 and my dd was just a few weeks old. I miss my mum every single day but I'm just so upset that she isn't here to see my children growing up, especially as NONE of their other grandparents/step grandparents bother with them at all.
I don't think I'll ever get over losing my mum. You just get used to it being horribly different

diddl · 03/10/2015 11:55

"I'm just so upset that she isn't here to see my children growing up, especially as NONE of their other grandparents/step grandparents bother with them at all."

I know what you mean.

That's what I also mean by the unfairness.

My husband is and only & we have the ILs only GC.

Do they give a fuck?

Well I suppose they do in their way, they certainly talk the talk.

But they sure as hell don't walk the walk-not if involves any effort on their part!

mumeeee · 03/10/2015 12:01

Sounds fairly normal to me. My Dad passed away almost 2 years ago then I lost my Mum in May. I still miss them both terribly. I don't think you ever actually get over losing someone close but you learn to adapt.

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