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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dislike being fussed over by waiting staff?

24 replies

Sunsoo · 02/10/2015 22:16

Yes, I know that they're just doing their job...

But, I really hate being excessively fussed over in restaurants! I went out to dinner today with three friends. We were having a serious conversation. However, it did not feel like we got to speak privately because the waiting staff were constantly all over us.

As soon as we sat down, they made several menu recommendations.
After we ordered drinks, they made several more food recommendations.
As we ordered food, they made several sauce/ side order recommendations.
Once ordered, they took 5 minutes to set the table (which was already set, bu they said it would be better re-arranged with our choice our food)
Once drinks arrived, they poured everyone's for them
Once food arrived, they re-arranged the table again.
During eating, they kept adding plates, and taking other plates away (some food was shared)

On and on and on.

Our conversation kept getting interrupted, which essentially meant we couldn't have it!

OP posts:

Scremersford · 02/10/2015 22:40

YANBU. I also particularly hate being interrupted to be asked, mid mouthful, mid chew or mid conversation with my dinner partner, "is everything all right?".

FarFromAnyRoad · 02/10/2015 22:41

It's actually almost as bad as very poor service. I might be minded to pen a stiff letter to the restaurant manager as this is the kind of thing that would prevent me from making a return visit and I'm sure I can't be alone in that!

NewLife4Me · 02/10/2015 22:46

If you ask them to give you some privacy and tell them you'll let them know if you need anything, they'll leave you be, if they have been trained properly.
You shouldn't be asked questions whilst you are eating and they should be aware of your body language.
You just can't get the staff these days.
Any FOH unit for any further ed course covers this.

NewLife4Me · 02/10/2015 22:48

Oh, it is poor service btw.
It's annoying and hardly relaxing and putting their guests (punters) at ease.

NewLife4Me · 02/10/2015 22:50

Farfrom

Please suggest they do some staff training in customer service.

Bettercallsaul1 · 02/10/2015 22:51

Yes, this definitely sounds intrusive and ruins a good evening with friends. You can't relax and conversation can't flow with continued interruptions. Maybe the staff think more attention = better tips? I would definitely tip less so show otherwise!

NewNameNotTheSame · 02/10/2015 22:56

Hardly fine dining but I like the system that Nando's has... There's a little stick that sticks out of your menu holder, think it has the table number on but could be imagining that, and if it is there when you are eating then they'll check everything is okay and then remove it so that other staff know you have been checked and leave you alone.

Although we take ours out ourselves

YANBU, next time ask them of they'd like to join you

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 02/10/2015 22:59

YANBU.

I also hate the "is everything alright?" question, which is always mid-mouthful. It's almost as if they time it like that.

Also when they pour the wine for you after the first glass, topping people up willy nilly. I really would prefer they didn't, as you can't keep track of what you are drinking for one thing. Also they deliberately fill the glasses up unevenly, so you come to the end of a bottle and half the people have a really full glass and the others are empty so you almost have to buy another bottle. Whereas if you did it yourself you could make sure everyone had the same amount.

NewLife4Me · 02/10/2015 23:02

This does sound like a good restaurant though and it sounds like they were doing a good job for that type of place.
Could you write and stress that even though the service was great it didn't meet your requirements.
It's the establishment so the proprietor you need to write to not necessarily the manager.
I think it would be really decent of you to let them know so they can change their service philosophy.
What were the other customers like and what was the food like?

Original poster

Sunsoo · 02/10/2015 23:24

The food was lovely. It was brunch, so we ordered a few things: french toast, pancakes, fruit, so that we could share each others.

I didn't see the other customers as we were in a booth.

It was quite a posh place, which I do think makes a difference. They were watching us like a hawk!

OP posts:

Doobigetta · 02/10/2015 23:31

I also hate it when they ask if everything's ok before you've even had a chance to try your food.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 02/10/2015 23:39

YANBU.

Personally, I usually dine alone anyway so I want to get in, order, eat, pay and get out. Ideally within 45mins. So by the time they come over to ask me "is everything ok", I've finished eating! [greedy]

VimFuego101 · 02/10/2015 23:45

YANBU - almost as bad as a server ignoring you!

Seefooddiet · 03/10/2015 00:05

So what was wrong with just asking the server for some privacy? Seems like you could have got increasingly annoyed with the continual interruptions or you could have politely asked to be left alone? It's not difficult nor are the servers mind readers. Unfortunately due to mystery guests servers have a criteria they need to fill. Use your words!

Seefooddiet · 03/10/2015 00:09

Also, servers HAVE to ask if everything's ok, usually within a certain time frame. It's hard to ask a table of 4 if all is ok without at least 1 person chewing. Believe me when I say we hate asking almost as much as you hate being asked

goawayalready · 03/10/2015 00:54

i hate this the one place we went to asked if everything was ok i said no my food is still frozen so they microwaved it and asked again i pointed out they had microwaved it with the salad still on and my cucumber was now cooked she said oh no we don't microwave here! so why is my cucumber cooked? she huffs off to get me fresh salad and by that time my potato was cold again (yes she took all the food) i said just leave it i will eat it she was quite tearful by the till to her manager talking about how unreasonable i was unfortunately i was right behind her and pointed out if i wanted frozen food i would have gone to iceland could i have some condiments now please? they decided i was breathtakingly rude and she didn't come back to the table of course that meant my mother dealt with them..........

we never went again

im a trained waitress and i would bollock the kitchen staff for sending out food with obvious ice crystals in it and you never ever moan about a customer until they have left the building!

Spartans · 03/10/2015 05:38

I love eating out, but we don't go to posh places often. Because of this. I prefer to be in a more relaxed setting.

This service isn't poor or untrained. I have worked in place like this and a lot of customers frequenting these place expect this.

As the customer you could always ask for privacy.

mathanxiety · 03/10/2015 06:04

You can ask them to leave you alone and only come if summoned. In a decent place they should do that for you.

mathanxiety · 03/10/2015 06:05

You can also tell them to leave the wine pouring to you.

wanderings · 03/10/2015 06:19

I did find out one reason for the ubiquitous "is everything all right?". Sometimes people decide they want extra sauces etc. just after starting their meal, so it's an opportunity for you to ask for them. I think it's also a useful backup for them to make sure they haven't forgotten to bring anything. Usually, when they have asked this once, they don't ask again until they see you've finished.

sandgrown · 03/10/2015 07:01

Staff are required to ask you if everything is ok so you cannot then eat all your meal and complain about it and refuse to pay. It is tied up with your consumer rights but also your opportunity to tell the waiter if something is wrong or ask for sauces etc.

Scremersford · 03/10/2015 09:48

Sandgrown Staff are required to ask you if everything is ok so you cannot then eat all your meal and complain about it and refuse to pay. It is tied up with your consumer rights but also your opportunity to tell the waiter if something is wrong or ask for sauces etc.

There is no "requirement" relating to consumer rights for waiting staff to ask customers if everything is all right. How ridiculous. It might be something someone has decided is a good idea in training college but it is not "tied up with consumer rights" and forms no part of the Consumer Protection Act.

Believe it or not, many people are perfectly capable of telling waiting staff when something is not all right, or asking for condiments themselves, without the need to be constantly pestered and their meal interrupted.

I recently had a meal at Harvey Nicks and there was the most excellent maitre'd there. He kept an eye on everyone who was dining, but very unobtrusively. My main wasn't the best meat quality meat for some reason, and I didn't have to look around for someone to talk to about it, the minute I started picking at what was on my plate and talking about it with my DH, he was over at my table. I explained, and he immediately responded by saying I could choose a replacement main and produced the menu. I did so, it was served as quickly as it could be, and it was great. Unobtrusively again he came over while I was eating and said that he trusted everything was now to my satisfaction. I wasn't even charged for a main in the bill, although I didn't ask not to be charged. No complaint by me, no hovering or annoying questions by him, but the service provided in a much better manner than the above. Meal not spoilt, I didn't have to complain and all dealt with with such little fuss.

OldCrowMedicineShow · 03/10/2015 09:55

One question - why do Italian restaurants offer to put pepper on your food? Why can't the enormous pepper grinder be left on the table?

SortedForCheeseAndFizz · 03/10/2015 10:18

Ooh yes this gets me too. I sometimes wonder if it's done to keep you moving and ushered back out the door.

I don't mind being asked if we're happy, but there's a fine line between that and badgering people esp if it's clear they're deep in conversation.

I also hate the "is everything alright?" question, which is always mid-mouthful. It's almost as if they time it like that. Yes highly annoying! And suspiciously timed so that all you can do is look a berk, hamster cheeked and nod 'Mmm...mm'.

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