is this normal for a 6 year old?

[Inneedofadvice553]

My six year old DS is hard work.

Argues with every thing, and cannot do anything first time of being asked. The mornings before school are a nightmare. He refuses to get dressed and without fail starts an argument every morning about brushing his teeth

My DM claims that when I was six I would get up with an alarm clock and get dressed on my own and brush my hair! My DS cannot do his shirt buttons, tie, and has to be asked to put his shoes on every day despite the fact we do it straight after breakfast every morning.

My best friend thinks I do too much for my DS. he has no chores as such and only responsibilities is to get dressed, make his bed, brush his teeth and put his plate in the sink. if he does this he gets £1 pocket money a week. he often loses this due to bad behaviour but doesn't seem to care. he also doesn't care about losing toys.

I am a lone parent who is extremely stretched running my own business and I am breaking point with my child all the time who seems physically impossible to do as he is told

is this behaviour normal for a 6 year old? should every little task be so hard? He even argued earlier about sitting down at the table for supper. I would expect that of a toddler but not of a 6 year old. I am so drained by it :(

What about wondering aloud how difficult his behaviour is at school and perhaps you'd better speak to teacher to apologise for his slowness (or something similar) - might the horror of that spur him into being less difficult at home?

Normal, sadly.

We let the kids watch TV before school (I know, I know) but only IF they eat their breakfast, clean teeth and get dressed on time first. We still have to chivvy, but "hurry up or you won't have time for TV" seems to work far better than me repeating over and over and over again "eat up/clean your teeth/get dressed".

We also started getting up 20 mins earlier to allow for more faffing about - with that and the promise of TV things have got a million times better in the morning.

My friend thinks I am a s**t parent for putting the TV on before school. But better than than tears and tantrums every feckin morning. (And we limit TV at other times...)

I have yet to crack bedtimes. Sigh.

I spoke to our teacher, and informed her that X child (I did this for both-once) was henceforth responsible for whatever they turned up to school looking like, it was NOT a neglect issue, and I backed it up in writing to the head.

I make sure everything they need is clean & in reach and have taught them what time we leave the house (DS is also 6 and a ditherer). If you have your pants on your head and a sock on your willy at 8.25 then you have 5 mins fair warning or that's how you go to school. I've never been tested on it :)

Both of mine were difficult at 6. I think they start to feel a bit of power, are experimenting with pushing boundaries. More demands are being made at school and they are tired. Friendships are perhaps becoming more complicated.

One of mine started to spit at me at 6. Seems unbelievable now. They are teenagers now and both pretty respectful.

Hold tight, keep your temper, don't panic. Don't rise to him - don't let him suck you in to arguing.

I agree with counting, challenging them to do things, making things into a game and picking your battles. I think Playful Parenting is good for finding ways to understand where they might be coming from and deal with confrontation without stooping to the child's level.

I would say also that punishment isn't working, so don't persist with it. Reward, ignore.

Inneedofadvice553 my dd is very like this. It is hard work. Here is my best advice:

Do a chart with words or pictures of what needs doing and get him to tick as he does each one, or whatever. Give him reward in cash each day or a voucher to watch TV or use computer etc later that day.

No, I did not do this. I just nag, and it works, eventually. But I think it is normal!

I would also check if he likes school, if not why not.

I also find it is better when I get up earlier and I am more alert and less grumpy so it bothers me less.

My kids sometimes get to watch TV if they are totally ready BUT I think it doesn't work well because when they are ready to start watching the programme is not at the start so they want to watch all of the next one, so is that going to put us over the time we need to leave! Etc... Also absolutely ready can see them in shoes and coats in the living room overheating or can see them not being able to find their shoes when it is time to go!

The secret is not to let all this bother you too much, find a way through it and enjoy the bits of parenting you enjoy.

And if none of that works go on a Family Links Nurturing Course or read The Parenting Puzzle book (brilliant, helped me a lot!).

Sounds normal. I just ignoring and maintain the line. DD1 ended up at nursery in her pyjamas once. She screamed all the way there as well. Only time she did it though. Bed time is usually the flash point in our house. There is always some reason for not going to bed...

Four year old here and he is destined to set the highest courts in the land alight, such are his arguing skills.
At four, he can wear down a saint with his sheer determination to 'win' every argument and situation.
Selective hearing is a skill he has perfected.
There's not a thing 'wrong' with him, he's getting on fantastically well at preschool and is very intelligent.
But fuck me, he is draining. I'm in bed now because I'm simply worn out after a full day of it. I have a DH but he is gone for a minimum of 13 hours every day so it's me and the argumentative boy all the time.

I don't expect it's going to get better any time soon.

Italian: I got sick of the nagging. It's horrible. It would always escalate: nag, nag, nag, nope still not listening, nag, nag, we're running out of time, SHOUT, tears etc. etc.

Rewarding good behaviour for us has had much more of an impact and, no, we don't have any issues when it comes to turning the TV off when it's time to go to school. They know the deal. For something they really, really want, they are prepared to do stuff with minimal nagging. It really has transformed our mornings. But we don't watch a lot of TV generally so perhaps it works well as it's seen as a treat?

It all sounds normal to me. Ihave to constantly remind DS who is 8 or we wouldn't have a hope in hell of getting to school on time.

One of our tactics used to be having a race to get dressed or seeing if he can beat the timer. We still do this from time to time. He likes a race :)

We have no tv before school. This started because I thought he would concentrate better at school but we keep the rule now, mainly because he needs no further distractions. On mornings he is up early he tends to read.

I find him getting dressed, ready and shoes on before breakfast helps then remaining time determines what type of breakfast is possible. The same goes for me!

yes normal in most households..

We have periods where it gets better then slowly reverts back to me shouting "just get dressed"

Things that have been sucessful

Wipe board he got to tick off each activity.
World record attempts for getting ready.
races between ourselves
Free time when ready ( usually TV)

I now have a different system ..He is expected to do some jobs to help me in the morning..The more he messes about in the morning the more jobs I give him.

Tomorrow.. I have a letter ( that came today)for him to open when he is ready...

I find withdrawal of stuff, doesn't work for my Ds. If you do the pocket money thing..It may work you can earn 20p a day but at 6 my DS didn't really care

We have had periods of non-cooperation....

Usually after asking DD a few times why she doesn't want to help me/DH at the moment she reveals some deep seated worry that we can talk through and get back on track.

Todays faff quota was generated by DD thinking that DH was going to be permanently different after his sedation on Sunday rather than temporarily....all fixed now and bright sunny cooperative DD is back in the building!

Mind you DD is 4yo so maybe its all totally different by 6....

Watch this - might cheer you up

My almost-6-yr old has just started school (not in UK) and it is a hard adjustment. She has many issues like you describe with your child.

I have decided lately that I am going to make her do her homework (which I find entirely inappropriate for first year of school, but that's another thread) and her physical therapy exercises (needed for congenital orthopedic problem) and that's all. I really try not to ask her to do anything else. She just can't. She has a full, stressful day at school and when she gets home she needs to feel some freedom. It takes me less than ten minutes to put away the toys.

eyeslikebutterflies yes, I do totally agree with praising the good and try to do it. But it is exhausting at times! And there is only so much good behaviour to reward! I do believe in rewarding the good, praise, etc etc, it's what the course teaches and I try to do it. But I do nag too! Because my kid are quite badly behaved sometimes and there is only so much of that behaviour that goes with the parenting, some of it is just bad behaviour! But am always open to tips.

Inneedofadvice553 This has reminded me, the book How to talk so children will listen and listen so children will talk is excellent and deals with a lot of the issues around working out behaviour and negotiating with children and most of all communicating.

My kids

Just to clarify I am not advocating nagging. I am being honest and admitting I do it.

Because when one is struggling with kids being difficult or parenting being hard, it is tempting to think that you are the only person who is struggling and that just is not true.

Many of us struggle with kids for all kinds of reasons and many kids struggle to follow instructions etc.

My dd is very dyslexic, years behind her chronological age for spelling and writing and this affects things like following instructions. But she is many years ahead in terms of actual intelligence! so about 14 for intelligence, 10 for chronological age and 7 for academic ability. Imagine what affect that has on a person's ability to do things and to accept they are a child and need to follow instructions! She's never been good at accepting she is a child!

But, it has got better. It really has, and helping her to be autonomous and ready for adulthood, with regards things she needs to, and rewarding her and giving treats, (carrot) has been so much better than punishments (stick).

Good luck.