Smothered by mother

[midlifehope]

I feel very ungreatful for even posting this, but my mother has been staying at our house for 1 month, from my due date to now, 12 days post c section. She has been helpful and done housework and generally helped out. But I have had limited time to be alone with my family, and have felt a bit suffocated. She got very offended when I said I didn't need her anymore and could manage, insisting that I can't because dp is away a few days. But I now feel fit and well. She has parked her caravan in the campsite behind our house, but is afraid to sleep there alone. Last week she also brought my uncle with mental health problems to stay. She brought him to the hospital the day I gave birth. I feel like she has a hard time understanding my personal boundaries and my need for space and bondjng with my own family. But she takes great offence if I hint at wanting to be independent now...... Feel like Screaming

You need to be firm and honest - having an 11 week old baby (and csection) myself I know that I would not want anyone staying at my house when I first had baby.
This is a time personal to you.

Is this your first baby? From my experience being honest and to the point may cause some upset for now, but it will save you from having a massive blow out with your Mum later on.

Get her something nice to say thankyou (she does deserve that for all the help) then get to the "thanks but no thanks" part.

Good luck OP

Thanks good to know not being a monster!

YANBU. Why on earth did she invite your uncle to stay?! That is just ridiculous - she can't just invite people to stay in your home on a normal day, never mind when you have a newborn!

You need to be honest and say you appreciate the help but you'd like some time now to get into a routine etc and it's difficult to do that when there's more people in the house.

Just tell her thank you and say that by Monday you want to get back to business as usual. That way you have one last weekend together and she has time to prepare, pack and come to terms with you being on your own again. If she throws a fit, tell her she can leave on good terms and be invited back or leave on bad ones and not see you for a while.

That said, I'd be upset about my uncle who already had his own issues coming to stay while I'm trying to adjust and sort out my own family.

But yes, establish firm boundaries now, so you're both on the same page as soon as possible. It'll make it sooo much easier when the kids are older. Once those little beasties catch on to the tension god knows they'll only be playing one against the other for candy/toys/outings.

Did you post about this pre birth saying this was your mother's plan? The caravan and uncle sound very very familiar.

YANBU. It's great that she has helped you but you can tell her 'thanks for your help but I need to start getting back to normal and back to my routine'. If she gets offended that's her problem tbh.

How did you get on OP?

I would have hated this even for a week, let alone a month.. And I get on well with my mum! It's a time for you to adjust to life with your baby on your own/with partner. I think you need to get firm, something like "Thanks so much mum for being here all this time but I'm/we're ready to manage alone now, we need to spend time together as a family" Like crapbag says, if she gets offended at that then she has issues!