To check that I'm not the only person who constantly fears the absolute worst?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

I'll begin by saying that I do suffer from diagnosed anxiety disorder, and have previously suffered from extreme pnd (twice) and clinical depression, but that they are now under control (mostly).

What I'm trying to work out is if anyone else spends a large portion of their life worrying that the worst possible thing might happen.

Some of the things that I obsess about are, kids going on school excursions, whether they involve walking somewhere or catching a coach. I am convinced that one of my children will run out on the road and be killed, or the bus will crash, killing not only my child, but many others.

I struggle with getting on any public transport (but especially aeroplanes), for the same reasons. I have unfortunately missed a holiday due to my fear of flying.

When I visited my sons new high school, I noticed that some of the corridors are external and have 'balcony' type railings. In my mind, either overcrowding might cause my son to be knocked over to his death, or some huge bully might throw him over because he is shy and timid.

When my children catch common illnesses, I am genuinely afraid that they have a terminal illness, or even a complication which might cause them to die unexpectedly.

I can't think of my husbands commute (45 minutes each way) without imagining the police at my door, breaking terrible news to me.

I also can't allow any of the dc to have housecoat belts/yoyos/pull string toys etc in their bedrooms, because I'm convinced that they might hang thrmselves overnight.

The list goes on, but in short, I think the reason that these things scare me so much is because that I know they do actually happen and that makes me think I'm not overreacting. Although part of me says it would be extremely unlikely.

In my defence, I have had a fair few shitty things happen to me and mine over the past couple of years which may be colouring my view.

Before anyone jumps on me, I want to make it known that I have a few responses to my feelings:
(1) I pretend it's not happening, I take (prescribed) Valium, let the kids do their thing, and float in a haze until it's over.

(2) I spend the entire time that the said activity is happening shaking, on the verge of tears, with diahreah and vomiting, but still allow it to go ahead.

(3) I sometimes forbid the activities from taking place completely (although, I really try hard to make this s last resort if I just can not manage (1) or (2).

I suppose I just want to know if there are other people who continually expect the worst possible outcome, and if so, how the hell do you deal with it for the best possible outcome for yourself and your children.

In my case, I strongly suspect that my anxiety stems from narrowly missing an incident as a small child where many people were killed a few minutes later. Even as a child I remember thinking 'that could have been us'. And as a result, I see everything in life as being 'what if?'. What if, what if, what if...It haunts me.

I've been reading back over the posts and I think we should all spend the next few days being kind to ourselves.

I'm going to have a virtual glass of wine

I'm taking a holiday from worry tomorrow - no catastrophes on Thursday. Friday can look after itself.

Take care OP - give yourself a break.

My own feelings of constant fear, things going wrong, worst case scenario etc are not as bad, but I do live in constant worry, anxiety about every thing, most of the waking day and some times the nights are bad because it affects my sleep and i can wake in fear or with feelings of great doom & don't want to go to sleep dont, want to get out of bed now i'm awake, but find it gets easier with each step of getting on with my day until the night comes and it restarts. I do have periods of relief then can get giddy with happiness at the relief before i start worrying that i am not worrying as someone else has posted already. It's exhausting and i can eventually get so cross with myself.

I'm so sorry, steadyhand - my anxieties pale into insignificance after what you've gone through.

I will look into mindfulness and will also try to speak to my gp again. I think he just thinks that anxiety is normal given my circumstances but I suppose I haven't been totally honest with him re the extent of it - I don't want him to think I'm crazy! I have four children, and sadly my eldest is very like me - I blame myself. He had a panic attack while trying to board a train and kept grabbing at his little brothers saying but what if they fall on the line? It made me really sad to see it happening to him, most likely because of me (and I wasn't much help because I was feeling exactly the same way, but trying hard to hide it).

It's very easy to pas on your own worries to your dc, op, which is why I think you should really try to find something that helps. CBT can help. Mindfulness definitely helps. Exercise every day, doing things you love, eat well, look after yourself. Stop your thoughts whenever they become negative.

Worrying about something does nothing at all. It doesn't make it any more or less likely that something will happen. If dd is away on a school trip and I worry about her all the time, the outcome will be just the same as if I never thought about her when she had gone. It's just a huge waste of energy.

Steady hand

Perhaps there was a slight safety issue with the track and your son was being perceptive OP. He'll learn to manage risk. 'A ship is safe in harbour but that's not what ships are for'.

Interesting post.

My worrying stems from having very little control during particular periods of my life.

In primary school we completed a project on fire. I recall we watched a video and it traumatised me. Overnight I developed some sort of OCD/other odd behaviour. I checked the hob/kettle/toaster switches, pulled the plug from every device in the house bar the fridge. I also had to touch the light five times before going to bed. This carried on for years.

I was bullied at secondary school and became a recluse. I internalised every single feeling that pertained to the bullying and it almost destroyed me. For five years I was at the mercy of my peers and on the outside I smiled and laughed.

Since them I have trust issues, worry unnecessarily. I recall receiving a bad review at work and actually feeling sick. My review was on a Friday and I was miserable for the whole weekend. I questioned my ability as an employee, what the future held. I was a graduate for goodness sake!

I can resonate with a lot that is written here.

quiet I've heard that quote before. I should probably get it framed or tattooed on the back of my hand so I don't forget it.