To check that I'm not the only person who constantly fears the absolute worst?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

I'll begin by saying that I do suffer from diagnosed anxiety disorder, and have previously suffered from extreme pnd (twice) and clinical depression, but that they are now under control (mostly).

What I'm trying to work out is if anyone else spends a large portion of their life worrying that the worst possible thing might happen.

Some of the things that I obsess about are, kids going on school excursions, whether they involve walking somewhere or catching a coach. I am convinced that one of my children will run out on the road and be killed, or the bus will crash, killing not only my child, but many others.

I struggle with getting on any public transport (but especially aeroplanes), for the same reasons. I have unfortunately missed a holiday due to my fear of flying.

When I visited my sons new high school, I noticed that some of the corridors are external and have 'balcony' type railings. In my mind, either overcrowding might cause my son to be knocked over to his death, or some huge bully might throw him over because he is shy and timid.

When my children catch common illnesses, I am genuinely afraid that they have a terminal illness, or even a complication which might cause them to die unexpectedly.

I can't think of my husbands commute (45 minutes each way) without imagining the police at my door, breaking terrible news to me.

I also can't allow any of the dc to have housecoat belts/yoyos/pull string toys etc in their bedrooms, because I'm convinced that they might hang thrmselves overnight.

The list goes on, but in short, I think the reason that these things scare me so much is because that I know they do actually happen and that makes me think I'm not overreacting. Although part of me says it would be extremely unlikely.

In my defence, I have had a fair few shitty things happen to me and mine over the past couple of years which may be colouring my view.

Before anyone jumps on me, I want to make it known that I have a few responses to my feelings:
(1) I pretend it's not happening, I take (prescribed) Valium, let the kids do their thing, and float in a haze until it's over.

(2) I spend the entire time that the said activity is happening shaking, on the verge of tears, with diahreah and vomiting, but still allow it to go ahead.

(3) I sometimes forbid the activities from taking place completely (although, I really try hard to make this s last resort if I just can not manage (1) or (2).

I suppose I just want to know if there are other people who continually expect the worst possible outcome, and if so, how the hell do you deal with it for the best possible outcome for yourself and your children.

My mum is exactly the same. She once explained to me that the difference between her and most people was that where most saw a swing, she saw the chains wrapping around her child's neck.
She had struggled for years with anxiety but does seem to be improving in the last few years - I'm not sure if this is because of the anti anxiety medication she started taking but I assume so.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and hope you find a solution soon.

Well it's better to be aware of potential dangers than to not be.
But I think you are worrying excessively and you need some form of help to prevent it.

Me too OP. You are not alone in this!

Op .... This post sounded like I could of wrote it. I am exactly the same and worry all the time.
I tried cbt for a year and nothing has changed.
Here if you want to chat
Big hugs
X

Yep, I do this... It's been far far worse since DS was born.

Examples:

DH went scuba diving on honeymoon - I was convinced he'd drown/run out of air... Sat nervously on the beach all day waiting.

DS and DH took a short swim in the sea last summer, I was sure they'd drowned when I couldn't see them (of course it was my terrible eyesight that was the problem).

If DH is out a bit later than planned I picture him tipsily falling into the tube tracks... Then I can't sleep until he is home.

I worry daily that my DS will develop a life threatening disease. I worried constantly when he started nursery that he'd choke on something or have a dreadful accident.

I track the flights of family members and have alerts set up to advise me of the flight status.

Don't even get me started on actually getting a plane anywhere myself... Urgh!

Is this not normal motherly worrying then? Should I get myself to the docs??

I am similar but to a lesser degree. My anxiety has come with three miscarriages in the last 18 months. Before my son was born I was quite normal. I then started to get anxious as he got more mobile, then three miscarriages and suddenly everything feels so temporary and fragile. I'm currently 21 weeks and convinced this baby will die. I also think my DP will die in the car and also feel my don might die if I don't make absolutely sure he is as safe as I can physically manage (I also think he could hang himself in the night even though there is nothing unsafe in his room at all).

I'm praying that if this pregnancy is successful I might calm down but I fully suspect I will instead obsess about cot death.

Seems a lot of us here experience the same fears and anxieties... At what point does one get help? When it has physical symptoms?

At least you're not alone in feeling this way OP

to trooperslane again - you have had a very difficult time.

I have this too OP. Caught myself catastrophising when a helicopter passed over ds's school today. They pass over several times per day. My anxiety has got worse since becoming a parent.

I use CBT to try to control my fear about life's uncertainties. I've always been very anxious and hate the distressing and limiting symptoms of fear.

The key thing is that thoughts are not truths. Just because you think of something doesn't mean it WILL happen.

I had this when DS1 was young, it was awful. Imagined every worst thing happening. For me, I think it was PND but that's only with the benefit of hindsight.

OP, I would seriously look into reading more about it, there is some good advice out there.

whoknew and good luck.

whoknew

I also worry about dh in the car (he's a newish but careful driver) and I feel nervous travelling with him. Not nervous with other drivers.

When ds was 12 weeks old, I had been due to do the night feed. When I woke I knew I hadn't been up and I rolled over and thanked dh for getting up to do the feed as I was exhausted. Dh said ' no I wasn't up either'. So I panicked and reached over and poked poor ds in the back in his moses basket thinking the worst.

It was his first night sleeping through which is why he didn't wake. He was not happy with being poked awake and wailed!

I'm like this too. I suspect it's a snowballing of stress and lack of sleep over the years.

I plan escape routes out of buildings, have stone cold panics over that mole being cancer, worry about the dc's being injured.

So many of these posts could be me speaking. I can't be very much help OP, but I just wanted to let you know I understand. I also completely empathise with those thinking that if you stop worrying, it will make something happen. It is so exhausting though isn't it?

I also think it is sometimes caused by a snowballing of stress. Over the last 8 years, I had a serious illness and a major family upheaval, emigration, new job, major family disagreemetn etc. By the end I was so stressed I was trying to prevent any stressful things from occurring by preempting them. Hence the catastrophising.

I have the same fears as you op. My children have sn so there is definitely more of a risk of them doing something like running out into a road or hanging over a balcony. So I tell myself they are real fears rather than me being over-anxious. Reading this I'm not so sure.

I don't have the fears about myself only the dc.

I replied on your other tread but I'll say something on this one too, I catastrophise, not over day to day stuff but if something happens I will go from 'oh I made a small inconsequential error at work' to 'I'm going to be sacked and struck off and I won't be able to pay the mortgage and we'll all be on the streets', I know it's not likely but I can't help it, I can't sleep, I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest, I am irritable with my kids and DH and I become pretty much incapable of doing anything. I'm going through a catastrophising period over something right now (I have a thread about it) and tonight I have had to wait for DH to come home from football before being able to make a decision about what to have for tea. I hate it, most people who know me outside of my own home would never believe I could be like this as I'm so strong and confident. Interesting that other people relate it to having gone through periods of great stress, almost 10 years ago I went through what was to me 18 months of hell and I dealt with it quite well but maybe it's had a long lasting impact on me.

I'm sorry, I'm in a different time zone and I fell sound asleep. Thank you for so many replies.

I've only been to my gp (and have the Valium) as a result of having been diagnosed with breast cancer last year. So although he was knows I suffer from anxiety, it is only re the bc if you see what I mean, not the general stuff (moved gp four years ago, when we immigrated, previous gp was very helpful).

I have seen three psychologists in the last 18mths and I just didn't gel with any of them or really get anything out of the sessions at all. I've never had cbt and I'm not really sure I know what mindfulness is.

I really feel for all of you who seem to be going through similar to me, it's exhausting. Although in a way, slightly comforting to know I'm not the only one.

A pp (sorry, on my phone and can't scroll back for names) reminded me of another horrible trigger. We are on the flight path for the local helimed helicopter, and whenever it's our week, and the helicopter flies really low over the house (we are fairly close to the hospital), I get sweaty and shaky, and sometimes get diahrrea, convincing myself that it's going to come down on our home (that is since the Clutha crash, so it is actual things that are a possibility iyswim, although I realise, highly unlikely).

As for my childhood, well tbh, it was a bit of a car crash in its own right, so I suppose if it's possible, it could be any number of things from that that's causing my anxiety.

You have been through a lot OP. I didn't see the bit about cancer and can see how tgat would be traumatising.

It was me about the helicopter - I live near the north sea oil fields. There have been crashes at sea. The thing is these events are so rare and me thinking about it happening doesn't make it more likely iykwim.

Do try CBT - mindfulness is about living in the present moment and not catastrophising. I find too that working out helps as it burns away the stress and I have things more in perspective.

The key thing for me is challenging these thoughts - no dh hasn't crashed on the way to work, he got there safely yesterday, and the day before. No - Ds is safe in school, helicopters have flown overhead for 40 years taking people to the rigs, very unlikely anything will occur etc.

That was just this morning. But I have to keep challenging the narrative and replace it with with more reasoned lines!

I have been through this, it's exhausting. I was medicated for PND-related anxiety after the birth of my first two children. Then, I gave birth to my third dd, who was actually incredibly disabled and sadly died at 13 months old. For me, this 'helped' my anxiety, as the thing I feared the most, my children dying, actually happened- but not in one of the catastrophic accidents I had imagined in my mind. Facing up to the worst thing that ever happened to me, helped to ease my anxiety over everyday events. I'm not cured, I doubt I ever will be. I still feel sick when my dc walk to the village shop and back, and imagine a thousand scenarios that would result in them not returning. But on the whole, my anxiety over silly things is less..,

Sadly, my ten year old suffers dreadfully from it. She can see disaster unfolding in the most mundane of activities. It's very draining to be her parent and try to manage her fears. I wish I had the answers.

My MIL worries, a lot. If we go anywhere we always have to let her know that we have arrived safely otherwise her mind goes into overdrive imagining that we have been involved in some catastrophic carnage somewhere.
I do feel that her energies and very imaginative mind could be much more usefully utilised, worrying is a waste of time especially as because you can't control everything. I have told her this and she has calmed down (a little), she even joined an Art class which gives her something else to focus on which in my opinion is great!

Yes you sound awfully like me. I take sertraline for the anxiety. Just takes the edge off and stops me panicking. I still have the thoughts and it is exhausting but I'm mostly able to think the thought and keep a lid on it. I acknowledge it, do what is within my power to minimise the risk and then mostly stay sane. There are things I cannot do. I know this and generally I can laugh at myself.

I honestly thought I was alone in having thoughts like this. I'm not to your extent OP, I don't get sick etc but I see an accident everywhere. Occasionally a helicopter or plane will fly over and I worry it will crash into our house or the school if the DCs are there. I worry a car will mount the pavement when we are walking to school and injure the DCs, I worry they will get ill, I worry about cords and them accidently hanging themselves, they aren't allowed to have a belt at all. I worry a car may crash into us and i'll survive and DCs won't. I worry when me and DH go away somewhere that something may happen to us and the DCs will be orphaned. I have to phone them as soon as we arrive and am so relieved when we get there safety. I also worry about DH driving to and from work and that he may have an accident and i'll get the police at the door. I worry about something happening to my nan (who brought me up). I had a mole that was bothering me and had it removed, in my mind I had cancer and was going to die and leave my children, it was fine but I cried my eyes out over that one.

I have always had anxiety about losing my family. I know that stems from my 'mother' abandoning me at the age of 4. I used to have a recurring nightmare about my family all being killed by falling cliffs. Since having children it has just got a lot worse.

I don't suffer to the extent you do OP but, at times, anxiety plays a big part in my life. It started when my children were born and has been present ever since. I hate the idea of them being given lifts by anyone other than me, my DH or DPs. If my DH is on a night out I can't sleep til he's home safe. God knows how I'll cope once my DDs are old enough to go out at night. I'll be a wreck.

DD1 has been invited away for the weekend to the holiday home of a friend a long drive away. The thought of her in the car with other people really makes me want to say no but I'm forcing myself to let her go so that my anxiety doesn't restrict her. But I'll be on tenterhooks from the minute she's away til the minute she's home.

On occasion I get palpitations, light headed ness, feelings of panic but I manage to fight them down, somehow. I'm still able to recognise that it's all in my head. I can't imagine how you feel if you're unable to do that. Good luck x

That's interesting crapbag. My entire family emigrated to Sydney 9 years ago. Then I had to relocate to the UK with dh's job. Then I got an autoimmune disease etc

I felt a bit abandoned - even though as an adult I think I should have been more than able to cope with them leaving. Losing all your support network does rattle you. I think I lost confidence.

I totally understand what you mean OP. I'm taking medication now so don't suffer quite as badly as I used to, but deep in the recesses of my mind, these things lurk. eg I agonise over things. Eg DH applies for a job, it is a payrise, but he will have to travel more. What if as a result of this promotion he has to travel, and the plane crashes? Well, then that would be my punishment for being shallow enough to want him to take the higher paid job, and it would all be my fault. This is the sort of crap that goes through my head and it is a constant battle to push it back out.

I've always been a worrier and it wasn't until it got out of control, to the point where I couldn't function any more, I was literally just shaking from head to toe, that I realised that actually what I thought of as 'normal' was far in excess of how most people live their lives.

CBT has helped me a lot.

But even as I type this...my 4 year old is sleeping, having gone to bed with a tiny bit of a fever. I have been battling myself all evening not to keep waking him up just to make sure that he hasn't developed meningitis and lost conciousness. In my mind you are either in 100% perfect health, or you are dangerously ill, there is nothing in between. It is hellish.

for fellow sufferers. I can't say I am cured, but I am so much better than I used to be. There is hope.