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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you would forgive someone?

37 replies

todoslosanimaless · 29/09/2015 15:05

A few years ago when we were in our early to mid twenties I had a little group of very close friends. We met in 6th form and did loads of stuff together, going on holiday etc. Neither of us had serious boyfriends at this point so we were all big parts of each other's lives.

I'm ashamed to say that we fell out a couple of years ago (I'm 27 now so I guess I was ?24? then) when I had some personal issues and took it out on them a bit. I probably wasn't very pleasant to be around and things reached a head when I drifted out of contact with one of them and then we arranged to meet up. I had a "serious chat" with her and told her they had all been awful friends, but particularly her

At the time I was so convinced I was right but now I can see it was me and want to make things up with them. What can/should I say?? Do you think they'll want to hear from me? Please help xxx

OP posts:

Booyaka · 29/09/2015 16:48

I think you put it quite well in your opening post. Send a friend request with a message saying what you said earlier. That you look back on your behaviour in the past and you're not proud of it, you accept that you were wrong and you're sorry for any hurt you caused. Then tell them you realise now you should have valued their friendship much more highly, and that they are important to you and you miss them. Ask them if they fancy a drink and a coffee to catch up and let byegones be byegones.

Witchend · 29/09/2015 16:58

I think apologising is a start.
I'm not totally sure about the "I'm sorry but I had personal issues that made me do that" approach. Two reasons, firstly there is no guarantee that you won't have personal issues again, will you behave the same way again? And also it just comes across as a get out of jail card.

But you have to recognise that you are not going to be welcomed back with open arms and immediately close again. There may be some that are happier to see you back, and some whom maybe you hurt more, or maybe they just find it harder, who don't want you.
This could cause the group to split, or you could find one side is dominant. A hard decision for them.

I think probably the best way could be to write a message to the friend you spoke to. Say you are acknowledging that you are totally wrong and you miss your friendship. Possibly ask if you can meet up.
If she replies go from there, if she doesn't then I'd leave it.

NKFell · 29/09/2015 17:10

I think you should go for it, say the first sentence of your last paragraph in the op.

Waltermittythesequel · 29/09/2015 17:18

Why do you say that?

It's how it comes across to me. Just from the comments about how close they all are etc.

I just think she should go into it with her eyes open and no expectations because if she is doing it to get things back to how they were she could be setting herself up for disappointment!

Lelania · 29/09/2015 19:14

I think you should apologise if you want to. What do you have to lose? You won't instantly slip into being best friends again but they might miss you too and at least you won't wonder what if..

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 29/09/2015 19:38

I'd try to apologise but I wouldn't expect it to go back to the way it was before. Also be prepared for them to not want anything to do with you. However, OP, nothing ventured nothing gained. Is there a way you can contact them all together? Facebook message and send the apology to them all and specifically apologise in email to the girl you were most hurtful to? This would put it right out in the open and show your....contrition for want of a better word. Good luck OP, good friends are something to be treasured and I hope they see that you made mistakes but want to make amends. Please let us know how you get on

mamasilla · 29/09/2015 19:58

Please talk to them! You sound like a really nice person now X

mamasilla · 29/09/2015 20:00

I've seen some suggestions of email/Facebook etc. I would always do this face to face. I find emails as a way to hide behind what you are trying to say. Not totally transparent

TheCatsMother99 · 29/09/2015 20:03

What have you got to lose?!

coolsurfer · 29/09/2015 21:00

If it was me you'd have lost my friendship on the basis of false accusation and then binning my friendship. Really who needs friends like that. Not a dig at you but just giving an alternate perspective.

celtictoast · 29/09/2015 21:05

You might as well try. How will you feel if they're not interested though?

badgergirl82 · 29/09/2015 21:10

It's difficult as if they are anything like me, they won't bear a grudge at all but will have moved on. It might not be that they think 'don't want anything to do with HER, look at how she treated us!' but you may get a breezy 'no worries!' and then, well, ignored.

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