To think this is excessive?

[hannah0030]

Been with DP 1.5 years.

I live in London and he lives in France. I have 3 months off work so am moving in with him until Christmas - 11 weeks in total.

He has a hobby which takes him abroad on weekends. He has committed to doing this hobby for 6/11 weekends I am there.

He says we will see each other in the week and really enjoys this hobby. I say I've sacrificed a lot to move abroad, and as we will both we working in the week I'd rather we spent more weekends together.

I can't tell who is being selfish?

YANBU - this behaviour would make me question the future of the relationship . ( and I say this as a competitive ,sporty , desert your husband for races kind of person ) . U are sacrificing 3 months to be with him and he is sacrificing .......

Thanks pippi, it's kind of how I felt too :( So frustrating, because he is so lovely and we have a great relationship, but you can't force someone to be more into you...

OP whose suggestion was it that you go to France for the 11 weeks? If he invited you then I can see how it would be odd he's made so many plans, if he didn't suggest it then he's probably assuming he'll just carry in as he normally would.

It seems to send a bit of a message, doesn't it. In which case, I can understand why you're hurt.

Or he's just assuming that you are so stable it's fine.

Shame he's not thinking more romantically, but sounds like he thinks the relationship doesn't need that lovey-dovey stuff.

I would assume this is your future together, though.

A conversation on one of the rare weekends he is around?

From my point of view I wouldn't expect my DP to drop his hobby because I would be moving in. Nor would I drop mine. Especially if it was temporary move.

He probably sees it as a trial of living together and so going about his normal routine that he would if you were to live together.

I would however be wondering how it will fit in to our life long term. Being away almost every other weekend will be very difficult when you have children. But this can be dealt with, by having a converstation about the future. Surely you have had these conversations since you are moving country?

I wouldn't bother going, really.

I don't think either of you are being selfish. You've not given anything up to go and stay with him, you have the time off work, it's not like you have quit your job, sold your house etc. Even on the days you are working you'll see each other in the mornings and then presumably for dinner and the whole evening. And then every other weekend he has something on. You didn't have any major plans for the weekends so he probably doesn't see the harm, especially given how much time you will be spending together then as opposed to normally.

If it bothers you then you should talk to him about it but, personally, I think YABU.

I think this gives you a good indication how life would be like if you were living together.

If you don't like it, you need to rethink.