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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this name stealing.

56 replies

Izzy82 · 28/09/2015 22:41

I can't decide if this is weird or not. My husband and his cousin have the same surname (let's say Smith) as their dads are brothers. Last year I had a son (let's say Joe).
Now... The cousin's wife is pregnant and if they have a son have said they will also call him Joe. So there will be 2 Joe smiths in one family. Is that weird or am I being precious?

OP posts:

InimitableJeeves · 28/09/2015 23:43

How can it be name stealing? Particularly if it's a relatively common name like Joe. No-one owns a name.

Nohopeformethen · 28/09/2015 23:44

They may well have been planning this baby with this name before you even had yours.

BumpTheElephant · 28/09/2015 23:51

YABU. There's cousins with the same name in my family and one of DH's relatives gave their child the same name as ds1. I congratulated them on their excellent taste in names! It's a lovely name so why shouldn't they use it to.
I don't think people should choose a name they don't like as much just because another family member already has it.

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 23:53

I think it's nice. Lots of people in families pass on names of meaning. My hubby being the oldest son of the oldest son has the same name as his father and grandfather. We named ours the same and so did his brother. It is a bit precious

FattyNinjaOwl · 28/09/2015 23:56

My grando was named Chris.
His oldest son (my uncle) is chris
His oldest son (my cousin) is Chris
My other uncle (grandos youngest son, 4th of 5 children) named his youngest son Chris.
We have Chris and Chrissy for the cousins and obvs my uncle is uncle Chris.
The other uncle of mine (mentioned above) is called George. His oldest son is called George. My cat is called George.
My grandad on my dads side was called James, so is my dad and my older brother.
My other brother is called Jonathan. My cousin has a son named Johnathan.
My mum is Bernadette, my daughter is Bernadette.

Maybe it's just my family that like using each others names!

All of my children have a family reference in their name. As I said my DD Is named after my mum. My DS1 has James and my mums maiden name as his middle names and DS2 is Nathan (after my brother Jonathan but didn't want exact same name) with my youngest brothers middle name as his middle name (adam)

So yeah, going from that, I would say yabu!

Cel982 · 28/09/2015 23:57

I wouldn't worry about it. The kids will be second cousins - in most families that's not a very close relationship. I'm pretty sure one of my second cousins has the same name as me, but since I never see her it's not an issue.
It's flattering more than anything, really.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 29/09/2015 00:01

It would be funny if posters (let's say idiots) didn't understand the use of pretend names.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 29/09/2015 00:08

Don't be a, let's say, dick Giddy.

FanOfSpam · 29/09/2015 00:11

I do understand. I was being sardonic.

Who's the idiot now?

Pisghetti · 29/09/2015 00:19

My son has the same name as his dad's cousin's son. They have a really unusual surname. I didn't know the cousin at all so claim innocence. My son's dad assumed her son would have his dad's surname. Never been an issue really. I don't think anyone thought we were being weird. The great granparents did mention it in passing which was how we found out the surnames were the same.

Fatmomma99 · 29/09/2015 00:22

that's sweet, Pranmasghost

My cousin on my dad's side had a DD. Been trying to think of a comparative that doesn't out me, and this is the best I could come up with, so please bear with! Let's say they named her "Jonah".

When I had my DD, let's say I named her John. My paternal grandmother was VERY upset. My cousin wasn't bothered. But my grandma asked me several times why we'd chosen that name, and (again and again) suggested we pick another. I explained that my DD was named after my maternal grandmother, and that the name I'd chosen gave all that side of the family a great deal of pleasure. What I never told anyone (not even my DH) was that "John" was the name of the most beautiful, clever, sought after girl I went to school with, and I was hoping some of it would rub off!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/09/2015 00:29

My Dad had a very unusual, but nice name. I have never even heard of anyone with the same name and it is not a family name or anything. Then my Dad's cousin's grandson was given the same name. Not logical but it really felt like they stole it.

kissmethere · 29/09/2015 00:45

I'm our family there are lots of us with the same name, as in named after relatives and also coincidence. I really don't see a problem.

SilverShins · 29/09/2015 00:52

Yes, also have the same names in my family: cousins etc. People don't 'find it odd'. Happens.

Asteria36 · 29/09/2015 01:08

It is not unusual for members of the same family to have the same name - down one side we have a plethora of James and Claras and down the other far too many Leopolds!!
Have you considered that perhaps the name is significant to her family and it is merely a coincidence that you also chose it? Perhaps she always planned to name her firstborn son after dear great uncle Joe who was sadly killed during the war before he had chance to have his own son?
Either way YABU. What on earth will you do if he arrives at school and (like me) finds he is sharing his name with 5 others in his class?!! You can't lynch all of them!!

Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2015 01:10

My boss and I were both expecting at the same time. I chose the name, say Cadence, and mentioned it to her partner. He did not say anything and a few months later they had their baby, named Cadence. I don't think they stole my name, I expect that it was on their radar already as I knew a grown up Cadence and I am pretty sure they would too! But because their baby was born first it may have looked to others like I nicked their name.

Of course our surnames were not the same but I would not have changed my baby's name because it was the same. I think one think we should get to chose is what to call our baby.

var123 · 29/09/2015 01:17

The children will be second cousins. I think you can't reasonably bagsy a name after a certain point of distance.

If the children are unlikely to grow up having much to do with each other, maybe only speaking a handful of times between birth and their 21st birthday, then you need to let the name be recycled.

As second cousins, are they likely to be regularly in each other's lives? Does your husband see much of his second cousins? You are his wife, so do you even know your husband's second cousins's names?

BumWad · 29/09/2015 01:28

You're being precious.

What's with all the same family name threads?

RaspberryOverload · 29/09/2015 03:13

You can't just bagsy a name, no-one has a monopoly.

In fact in my family we've got 6-7 people (including a couple of in-laws) with the same name. Can get confusing, as we do all see each other on a regular basis

Senpai · 29/09/2015 03:19

Depends on how close you are.

You could be passive aggressive say something like "Oh how cute! You're naming your baby after DS! He is such a good kid after all, oh he'll be so excited to hear it", since it's not a family name.

Or you could be a grown up and let her enjoy her baby, regardless of the name.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 29/09/2015 04:06

Well i wouldn't do it, but as they are not brothers but cousins I don't see that you can get too shirty about it. I presume you don't see them terribly regularly?

I have two cousins who have sons with exactly the same names too. I think what this is telling you is that you are both have very pedestrian tastes in over-popular names.

mathanxiety · 29/09/2015 04:59

I have 66 first cousins and many more second cousins, cousins once removed, etc. On top of that, 'family names' are most definitely A Thing on both sides of my family. If I were to avoid names my cousins have used I would find naming children difficult.

WaxyBean · 29/09/2015 05:24

Me and my cousin (6 months younger) have the same first name and surname. For the most part it's never bothered me.

BondGate · 29/09/2015 06:13

I think it's a bit weird, especially if you live close enough for the children to be going to the same secondary school.

Nothing you can do about it though, it would be terribly rude to ask them not to use your DS's name.

SofiaAmes · 29/09/2015 06:15

I have a first cousin named Sofia. We are both named after the same grandmother. On the other side of the family myself and my 2 first cousins have all named our dd's after the same grandmother so they all have more or less the same name. Although in all these cases the last names are different.

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