To ask you to organise my life for me

[AtSea1979]

Can't seem to make it work.
I want one thing and seem to always end up with something different.
Recently single and every day seems a battle to pull myself out of the clutches of despair. As my name sake suggests, I feel lost and need to anchor myself to something. I just don't know what.
I know I need to make friends, but that doesn't come naturally and I don't know where to start. I don't have child free time so can't join a club really.
I need to lose weight but struggling to stay motivated.
That's all I know so far.
Please help.

You don't need child free time for friends. How old are the kids? Are there playgroups you could go to with them? Friends and kids are probably what most of my life revolves around and having friends that you can visit or have over or go out together with makes the world of difference

By go out with I didn't mean on the peave either though not that it's not great to do so but even out for a coffee or a bar lunch and a natter. We go once a fortnight to this place for a bar lunch that's got one of these massive soft play areas in it for the kids ()

Is there any volunteer opportunities that you could take the kids to? I met some friends that way, it also helps get you out of the house and focused on an activity you can feel good about.

Instead of doing all these drastic changes, take baby steps.

Instead of crisps for a snack make air popped popcorn with low salt. Park towards the back of the parking lot at stores so you have to walk further. Then as you get better at little things, add more. Walk your kids to the park if you can (more exercise - for both!).

God, no, don't dump the children! They are your easiest route to making friends. I've moved around a lot and it is always through my DS that I make friends (NCT, preschool, school gate, PTA, kids sport's clubs etc). I often think how hard it would be to make friends without children.

My top tip for making friends is to do something everyday towards that aim that puts you a little way outside your comfort zone. Nothing major, as small as you like - making eye contact, smiling, starting up a conversation, inviting someone for a coffee, friend request someone on faccebook etc. Just has to be something you wouldn't usually have done, and is wee bit outside your comfort zone. Do it for 2 weeks and you'll see some results!

DC are primary school age so no playgroups etc.

Start with routines. I'm a great believer in routines. Everything is routine. Sounds boring but it gives me the stability I need.
It took years to establish what suits me and my family.
To give you some examples:
I always run on Sunday mornings. You could do a DVD/youtube exercise.
Saturday night is pizza night.
In the summer we spend our time outside, as in we don't decorate/DIY, do nothing to the house, all that is for the autumn/winter.
Save 12%of your income into a holiday fund. Every month, 12% goes in a specific pot. Pay yourself the 13th salary as it were, and book a holiday. It doesn't have to be Orlando Florida.
Forget about instant gratification. You'll get more satisfaction if you wait a bit. So if you need, say, a bicycle, save the amount you need, every month. Doesn't matter if you have the money right now. You never know what might crop up. So £25 a month on the side and by January sales etc you get the gist.

Another thing that works is: make a decision and stick to it. It might not be the perfect decision, but it was/is the best at that specific time, end of.

Label your emotions. Say it loud: I am bored. I am at a loss. I am happy. I am angry. Etc.

Be grateful. For 1-2little things each day. This morning i'm grateful for my nice china mug and the really nice coffee in it.

Give hugs. To your children, friends, family etc. Being phisically close to others makes us happy.

Ask for help when you need it. :)

Doing a sport with your kids can be very social. Eg there is junior park run, cycling clubs, karate etc that kids do with parents in my area.
routine key like pp said. We have fish and chips in front of pointless every Friday, bike ride every sunday morning..happy days!

How old are your kids? Can you volunteer with their school or their clubs? That is an easy way to make contact with other adults. Between us, DH and I are involved with two local schools plus DS's cycling club and DD's gultar school. We are foreigners and have found that getting involved is the best way to make local friends :)

I would say an easy way to get involved with other parents is to join school PTA or help at Brownies, Cubs etc. these can fit in with your children and automatically put you in the company of other grown ups. And one important thing- cultivate a very good babysitter, a local teenager, an older lady looking for some pocket money, whatever. But knowing yiu have someone on hand will enable you to contemplate some child free time which is important for you to regain some self love.

Thank you, they are good ideas.
I do work, and that really helps but I find colleagues are very much on a superficial level and none have kids similar age etc so there are the ones who spend their free time on nights out and the ones that spend if with their own partners/families.
I do have the Shred DVD but struggle to get motivated at home.
I do need to spend more time with my kids. I'm finding I'm often around them but not actually giving them to time to talk/play with me.