To think my brother is in the wrong here.

[MicronesiaIsMyHome]

I'll try and make this simple. I have two brothers ( brother A and brother B for ease). At the moment my DF mum ( so our Gran) is critically ill in hospital and she is not expected to survive much longer. DH and I live about 2 hours away from the rest of my family and last night DF sent myself and A ( and a couple of other relatives) an email outlining the situation. Df has not excluded B on purpose but around five years ago brother B and my DF had a disagreement and since then B has avoided DF completely. Df has tried to contact B but to no avail.
So with all this happening with my Gran, I and my DM felt that B should be informed but A is saying no. "He's made his bed, blah blah". I think he is being a dick and not telling B about Gran is spiteful.
After talking to my mum today I have decided that I will tell B if A doesn't.

Does that make sense? I am right or is A?
What would you do?

Sorry to hear about your Gran.

Just do it - it is ramping up the drama and upset to keep talking to A about it - it may be that B doesn't respond in which case there has been all this worry for nothing, but either way your Mum does not have to seek the permission of one son to speak to another! And neither do you need one sibling's consent to speak to another.

Does A have a vested interest in keeping B out of the family?

What would your Gran want??

I say, just do it calmly and without further ado. If you or your Mum speak again t A, he will again say no, and the only effect ill be to entrench that disagreement.

I hope there's some harmony for your family (somehow) in this situation. It must be difficult.

I would tell your brother myself, not involve brother A at all to be honest. Just a phone call or a email/ text to let him know and leave it up to him to see your Gran or not. Your brother A doesn't have the right to veto other contact from family members.

I'm very sorry about your Gran, we went through a similarish situation in the summer with my Granny and a family member. Tbh once the decision was made to contact her, everything just felt easier and looking back the angstyness of it all just made a sad situation worse. I'm sorry to hear about your gran, I hope the next few days are kind to your family.

So sorry about your gran

But for heaven's sake. Just tell your other brother. Don't wait about shilly-shallying, just tell him. I realise this is a bad time for you all, but really.

I think you were right to tell him. There is a time when family politics should be ignored and this is it.

Sorry to hear about your gran.

Everything seems to have come out ok. I told B about gran and I A agreed with me afterwards!
Gran seems to be making a slow but steady recovery which is amazing. She is 91 so still very frail but things are more positive for now.

Glad to her your gran is recovering.

What a lovely update. Thank you Micronesia, and best wishes to your gran.