To be worried my support group has a troll?

[OnThePrittStick]

I need to change some of the details as it's sensitive. I belong to a ptsd type support group online. Met some fantastic people. There is a regular poster for last 18 months who had something awful happen to her and she has received a lot of support and advice, as well as contributing to the group

but- her life continues to unravel in the most terrible way on a weekly basis. There have been multiple freak fatal accidents, strange life threatening illnesses, a break up, a new partner, a wedding, a divorce, a baby, custody issues, bullying and domestic violence. Obviously I can't describe in detail but it is always so very extreme, sudden and odd.

And look- I know people's lives can totally unravel like this (mine is close to eastenders territory often), I am by no means sheltered but something just feels very 'off' about it all.

I'd never confront her because there is obviously the very real chance that this poor woman really HAS had the most appalling life circumstances and if so I want only to support her. But I read the posts where other people give so much time and emotional energy to her while dealing with immense problems of their own, that I just can't help but worry she might be a fake.

No idea what to do. Probably leave it yes? The risk of devastating someone who may be going through a complete shitstorm and making her feel like leaving the group are probably too great. I just really feel anxious about it all.

I think it's good to be aware, but don't let it take over. I was on some cancer forums when there was a fairly high profile troll. I had my suspicions but it was a parent of a child and they were much loved by the forums. Sadly it all unravelled when the child "died" and details of the funeral were posted - there was no such service in the church named. It then transpired that a lot of the linked children with similar cancers were faked too.
It was a pretty low thing to do and a lot of posters left - but I think you just need to protect yourself, keep back things you wouldn't share with someone you didn't know and just take people at their word. Now I'd not hesitate to speak with an administrator about things so that might be a step to take?

I used to go on a pregnancy forum years ago and someone faked a pregnancy, premature labour and death of baby. Hideous, despicable behaviour!!

I get it might be really difficult to imagine some of this stuff but life can be like this for far more people than you might think. Being in one shitty situation and having little support can cannonball into more much more easily than you think no matter how strong you are or how much you are fighting against it. Sometimes support is all you have even if its just one or two people. Even if those one or two people are at the end of a phone.

I have been living a similar situation for the last few years with all of those problems and some additional awful ones (with exception to the fatal accidents). Its mentally and physically draining and often you can't see a way out, but you don't stop trying.

I posted on here last year, the first time describing my partners problems and some really supportive people suggested he may have a very particular mental health disorder, by the behaviour i was describing they all suggested the same one and a year down the line after a short spell in prison and a short stay in a secure mental health unit he has finally been diagnosed with said mental health disorder.

When i was 30 weeks pregnant he assaulted me and hurt me quite badly. I needed some support when I was waiting in A&E to find out if baby was ok. They scanned but wouldn't X-ray me so I was left in quite a bad way and all I really needed was somebody to talk to but he was with me and I couldn't say what was actually happening at the time. I posted on mumsnet and for an hour or so I felt like I had a lifeline until someone called troll, said it was too severe and unbelieveable and I was blocked. Blocked from posting fair enough but I couldn't actually see any of the other replies and the cut of from the support made a horrific time even worse. I wish they would just ask people straight up first. I ended up calling womens aid and got some support from them a few weeks later, but cutting people off when they are in such desperate times can be such a huge risk.

I used to be on multiple birth fb support groups.
There were a couple of longstanding regular posters who set off my trolldar.
Mostly to do with having premature twins (my dts were prem so I knew a bit about NICU and neo natal care terminology) , followed by house fires, burglarys, toublesome ex partners, custody cases, as you said it would be one thing after an other, the time scale was often shaky, and it just came across as though it had just been written - as part of a script rather than from the heart.
That said I have never called troll, I can't imagine how hurtful it would be to do that and get it wrong.
I agree with mentioning it to admin, they can look in to it. Although I don't know how much they can do tbh.

I have been taken in by fantasists before and it is distressing.

However I have come to think there is kind of two types of the 'tragedy troll' variety (to distinguish from people who troll purely to rile up etc) - One where they do it because they want to scam money and so on, but the other because they have such a desperate need for attention and sympathy / compassion etc that they are willing to go to those lengths to try and get it.

It is horrible to feel taken in, but I also think the second 'type' has a serious issue in of itself...something very broken and lacking to need to make up such horrible stories. So it is a tough one. No i don't support 'feeding' types like this, but I also feel a certain amount of compassion.

These days if I suspect someone is 'tragedy trolling' I might just back off, or I might try to suggest ways they can access support IRL, in a subtle sort of way. But I think outright troll hunting etc could have awful consequences for those who are genuine. Never been accused of trolling myself, but I would be really upset i think if i was.