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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to my graduation?

40 replies

cakedup · 28/09/2015 10:49

I'm just not feeling it tbh. I got my degree, and I just don't see the point. I'm not particularly a pomp and ceremony kind of person. And it'll just be a minute of me 'collecting' my degree, then hours of listening to names being read out.

I'm also so relieved the degree is over and so eager to leave it all behind and move on. I don't regret doing it but I did find it really stressful as a 43 year old lone parent and not as fulfilling as I'd hoped. I graduated in July and it's not until December which makes it feel even more pointless. Also:

I'd rather spend the hat & gown money on something else

I didn't particularly get on with most of the crowd and after spending 3 years with these people, I don't particularly want to spend another day with them

I don't feel particularly proud as I set out to achieve a first and fell short by 2%

And you don't even get to throw your hat in the air!!! Against health and safety apparently.

But friends are telling me I might regret it.

Anyone here who didn't attend their graduation and have regrets? Or not?

OP posts:

oneowlgirl · 28/09/2015 11:38

I went to my undergrad but not postgrad degree ceremonies. Yes, it was quite boring but I liked the sense of achievement & closure it gave. I only didn't go to my postgrad as I living overseas & couldn't get home for it. Although they sent me the certificate in the post, I wish I had gone as still don't feel that closure (& it was over 10yrs ago now).

Obviously up to you, but from reading your post I think you might regret not going if you're already thinking that way. FWIW, a 2:1 is fantastic & you should be very proud of yourself & not let that be the reason you don't attend.

Well done on your degree!!

clearsommespace · 28/09/2015 11:41

I didn't go to mine as it clashed with a sibling's wedding abroad. At the time, I was disappointed to miss the celebratory day with my coursemates but I have never regretted the choice I made.

specialsubject · 28/09/2015 11:42

I went to mine (standard student so was 21) and it was really dull and meant nothing to me. But the parents and rellies wanted to see it and they enjoyed it, and as they'd paid for it all it seemed only fair.

You aren't in that position so if you don't want to bother, don't. You've done the important bit!

Liomsa · 28/09/2015 11:42

No reason to go if you don't want to, OP. Unless you think your son would put up with an hour of Latin mutterings and fundraising speeches to watch you get your scroll and eat canapés ...?

Throwing your mortarboard in the air is a fairly recent import via US films, rather than some kind of time-honoured ritual during conferrings, incidentally.

tectonicplates · 28/09/2015 11:42

I also finished my degree this year, and I'm very unlikely to go to mine. Like you, I hate ceremonial stuff and would feel a bit silly. I went to a university which has a fairly high percentage of students from disadvantaged backgrounds, yet as soon as it comes to graduation, they start acting like they're Oxford or something. Gowns are compulsory at mine and I'd just feel ridiculous.

Bellebella · 28/09/2015 11:44

I just graduated in July and did not go to mine. It was a journey as well since I had my son halfway into the degree and took a year off. Finishing it was difficult with a baby.

However just was not feeling the graduation ceremony. £100 plus costs, pompous ceremony etc. I think if I knew people and had friends I would have been more likely to do it. However since I took a year out, everyone in my last year was new students to me and I always had to rush off after lectures for my son.

It's a couple of months later and I don't regret it. Got my degree and that's the most important thing. I went out with my partner and son for a nice day out instead.

AtiaoftheJulii · 28/09/2015 11:47

Didn't go to mine and have never regretted it in 23 years! Congratulations to you

PeppaWellington · 28/09/2015 11:54

I didn't go to mine and haven't given it a thought since. Boring waste of time, effort and money for me. Great if it's your sort of thing but if it's not, what's the point in going?

MairyHoles · 28/09/2015 11:55

I never wanted to go to mine. I had been to my mums graduation when I was 16 and it was the most tedious day ever. She was on stage for half a second. When I graduated I had made plans with my dad to see a concert before the date was set and my mum was upset that I didn't want to go. From her point of view it was a great day, from my point of view (and that of my dad!) it was boring as hell. I don't like ceremony and photographs and having to pay so much money for something so unimportant (to me). I didn't want my family travelling hours and staying overnight for that. I really enjoyed seeing ageing rockers perform a farewell tour and have never once regretted not going to the ceremony. What I'm trying to say is that it probably depends on the person whether you will regret it or not. Mum would have regretted it, I certainly didn't. I got the chance to go to a graduation for my post grad and quite frankly, for the same reasons, I just never bothered.

strongandlong · 28/09/2015 12:01

Congratulations!

I didn't go to my graduation for my BSc because I was living 400 miles away by the time it came around and my final year (including a retake of one of my finals!) had been so horrible I didn't want to revisit the city.

However, I recently attended my Masters graduation (OU) and it was absolutely fantastic. It was wonderful seeing all the people who'd worked so hard to get there, and all the friends and family so proud of them. I was delighted that I chose to go.

Some people didn't hire gowns (although only a few). They weren't treated any differently, I don't know if that's optional at other universities?

ArcheryAnnie · 28/09/2015 12:21

I didn't go to mine. I, too, was an adult when I went to university. One of the factors is that my mum was alive then, and she'd have been terribly hurt if she hadn't been the guest that I'd invited. However, she was also an alcoholic, and the single time she had ever come to a school event, ~20 years previously, she'd been drunk, and I just could not face that at my graduation.

I've never regretted not going. I really struggle to imagine regretting not going.

Also: you got a 2:1. That IS something to be proud of!

chipsandpeas · 28/09/2015 12:33

i regret going to mine....i was bored shitless...i only went thru with it as it meant a lot more to my parents than me, id prefer getting my certificate via the post

Original poster

cakedup · 28/09/2015 12:40

Thanks for the congrats!

I know what you mean about the closure bit oneowlgirl as it doesn't seem tangible that I have a degree somehow.

Hat and gowns are compulsory, and you will be TURNED AWAY if you don't have them!

Unless you think your son would put up with an hour of Latin mutterings and fundraising speeches to watch you get your scroll and eat canapés ...? Liomsa DS can't even stand 5 minutes in Tescos so it would actually be his idea of hell. And I'm vegan so I probably won't be able to eat any of the yummy food that has been flagged up as the highlight of the day by some people! I might just do a little pretend one at home, invite a few close family members/friends - he'll be well happy with that.

So in conclusion...nah! I'm not going! Thanks all, good to hear about your experiences.

OP posts:

Original poster

cakedup · 28/09/2015 12:42

Oh yes chipsandpeas I'd kind of forgotten about the actual certificate! So I'll do something with DS when the certificate arrives, take a photo for my mum's FB wall, everyone's happy.

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/09/2015 13:09

make yourself a hat and Gown, invite your nearest and dearest round for a buffet, make a scroll with a ribbon round and get son to present it to you, take photos... job done, much cheaper and just as fulfilling if no one else is desperate to attend the real thing. It will cost loads and be very very boring. I went to mine but just for mum and dad who always wanted one of their children to get a degree. I was the only one who did so they were proud.

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