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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another Christmas dilemma!?

21 replies

Fizzielove · 28/09/2015 09:54

In recent years since my DM passed away and before that we always had one of my DF friends round for Christmas dinner. In the last few years it's been my DF, my grandfather and my DF friend. As some of you may know both my DF and grandfather died in August. So this year I'm in a bit of a quandary- do I invite my DF friend or not? Would he find it weird? He's a single retired man with no immediate family of his own. I'm quite happy to have him but not sure if he'd want to come. I don't want him to feel obliged as he has spent possibly the last 15 years joining our family for Christmas, on the other hand I couldn't bear the thought of him being on his own.

Should I just invite him and see what he says?

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 28/09/2015 09:56

Definitely should invite him. How hurtful do you think it would be for him if after 15 years to not receive an invitation?

bellybuttonfluffy · 28/09/2015 09:56

The fact he had spent every Christmas for the past 15 years joining your family suggests to me that he doesn't have anywhere else to go. I'd ask him, so he knows he feels welcome.

inmyheadimthequeen · 28/09/2015 09:58

If you are happy to have him, then yes, do invite him. It would be a kind and generous thing to do and may mean a lot to him if he is/would be otherwise on his own. If you don't ask him, he may think that you have just 'put up' with him all these years as a favour to your DF and didn't really want him. That would be hurtful, especially as it doesn't seem to be the case. It could also be nice for you to see him as you will be missing your DF and DGF.

Welshmaenad · 28/09/2015 10:15

Definitely invite him, I'm sure he'll appreciate knowing he is still wanted.

It also seems like a lovely way of honouring your DF's memory.

ilovesooty · 28/09/2015 10:18

Please invite him.

Fairiesarereal · 28/09/2015 10:20

Yes invite him, it's Christmas

PurpleDaisies · 28/09/2015 10:23

I'm not sure anyone would get offended or upset at being invited round for Christmas. He can always say no if he doesn't want to come. You're really sweet for wanting to ask him.

FishWithABicycle · 28/09/2015 10:34

If you are happy to have him there then invite him. If he doesn't want to come he can politely decline.

MrsTedCrilly · 28/09/2015 10:37

Definitely give him the option and then it's all up to him

Original poster

Fizzielove · 28/09/2015 10:44

Right, I'll invite him and then the ball is in his court! I'd feel terrible if he was on his own on Christmas. Hopefully he will come because Christmas Day will be just too weird without anyone else being there except us IYSWIM. I'm used to having all my family at the table and this is the first year that there's no one left. This in itself upsets me quite a bit. It's only September FFS and I'm panicking and stressing about Christmas!

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/09/2015 11:02

Bless you Fizzie
Hope you have a lovely Christmas and that your friend will join you
All these Christmas dilemma threads have got me thinking what we should do to try to help everyone have as nice a Christmas as they can
We've had a difficult bereavement too
So now wondering who will go to whom and when for the best for all x

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/09/2015 11:53

I think an invitation would be a lovely thing to do, and as it's often stated here it's only an invitation and not a summons so if he feels uncomfortable he can always decline :)

FruSirkaOla · 28/09/2015 19:47

What an absolutely lovely idea Fizzie. I know you've now decided to invite him anyway and I bet he'll be absolutely delighted.

I'd ask him sooner, rather than later, so that he knows he's still more than welcome round at yours - and he doesn't end up worrying about what he'll do over Christmas.

I'm sorry, this will be your first Christmas without your dad and grandfather. I'm sure it won't be easy for you. But hopefully having the company of your dad's friend will help make the day good still.

Hassled · 28/09/2015 19:51

The first Christmas after you've lost someone is always bloody hard - it's going to be difficult for you and having your Dad's friend there may well give you a bit of comfort. And I'm sure he'll be delighted to know he's not been forgotten.

lunar1 · 28/09/2015 20:12

I bet he will be thrilled when you ask, I bet it's on his mind already too.

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/09/2015 20:17

I think it is really lovely of you to invite him, I bet he is wondering what he should do this year too! Have a fab time

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 20:19

I came to have a huff about a crimbo thread in semptember but that's actually really sweet. It's great your inviting him. And after reading drivel all day about people not wanting to invite people but wanting other people's approval I think it's proper fab. I think he would be made up by ur invite

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 28/09/2015 20:50

If you have kids,he's probably an 'honarary' uncle/gramps too? I know he would be at our house.

ilovesooty · 28/09/2015 21:02

Oh and Fizzle I think you sound lovely and thoughtful.

MammaTJ · 28/09/2015 21:13

We need more people like you in the world! Glad you are happy to have him and are going to invite him. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and indeed, life!

You deserve it!

chinam · 28/09/2015 21:19

It's a lovely idea and it honours your father, too.

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