to wish I was back with my abusive ex

[WitchofAlba]

because I'm rubbish and he'd treat me like it.

You're not rubbish. You broke up with him for a reason / reasons.

Have a think about those reasons.

No one deserves to be treated like rubbish.
You deserve happiness not to be abused please speak to your GP or similar re counselling.

Of course you are not rubbish. You were probably ground down over time and made to believe you were rubbish, but you aren't.

What particular event provoked this at this time?

You had the gumption to leave the situation and recognise he was abusive so Im not sure what you are asking?

There is a chance we could get back together and I'm tempted to go for it.

Why would you go back to it?

He won't have changed. Very unlikely, at any rate.

He's really done a number on you hasn't he op? Still controlling, abusing and manipulating from a distance. Well done that arsehole.

Well, you can always get back together with an abusive ex, because they are always on the lookout for someone to abuse. By volunteering to be that person you are telling him his behaviour is absolutely fine.

Think of your children and the lesson you'd teach them if you went back for more abuse. Think of how bad you felt when you were with him. Do you really want more of that?

If you go back you'll only leave him again and have to go through this all over again.

It's like when someone dies and you only remember their good points and gloss over the bad. But no matter how bad you feel about yourself you don't need someone who doesn't love you in your life.

Seriously no man who loves you will treat you like shit. No man who loves you would of put you through what he put you through.

One day at a time like smoking. One thing I found good is to draw a man and write all the things around the man what would be the perfect man. Then see of you can match any of it up with him. The only person who can make you happy is you. In an abusive relationship your brain gets addicted to the dopamine you release when he's being nice, you need to retrain your brain.

You are a person. You are not rubbish. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be loved with a whole and genuine heart.

Someone who teats you like shit is not worthy of you.

Why would you? You know the full facts so you should not go there. It's begging for trouble. You need some counseling to realize that you are worth so much more than feeling like you deserve him. Be kind to yourself.

You only feel rubbish because he's made you feel that way.

What's tempting you to go back? What's he saying?

It's a self fulfilling prophecy - you only feel rubbish because he did such a good job of convincing you. You KNOW he's abusive, so you cannot get back together with him. You deserve better and he deserves to live alone if he can't treat the people he's supposed to love well.

Every person who has been in a physical abusive relationship has also been in an emotional abusive relationship.

Don't even think about getting back with this man, he doesn't love you, doesn't respect you or doesn't make you happy.

I hazzard a guess that many times you have had sex with him over the fear of saying no.

I think you should call women aid. Chat with someone who is trained in this area as many women keep going back for the same reason.

You are not rubbish and I bet if you stayed away and got your head straight again you'd see that. Tell me three things about yourself that are good. I bet you are a nice person (hence him using you as a doormat, are loyal and caring....does that sound like rubbish to you? Certainly doesn't to me. A rubbish person is an abusive arse that makes someone else feel crap.

I'm not with him because he decided to leave. I can't think of 3 things that are good about me, at least not that are any use. I can write poems and I can paint and knit - hardly useful personal qualities.

Just from the brief posts on here, I can tell that you are articulate, self-aware and creative - those are things that many people would love to be able to say about themselves. You also have the capacity to cope on your own, despite what you might think, as you have been doing it. I bet you never thought you could, and even though it might be hard, you have done it - you deserve to find out what else you could do if you weren't being dragged down by someone who uses you to make them feel better about themselves. You can live without him, and not just live, but be happy. It might not come all at once, but it will come.

Writing poems shows creativity and inspiration.

Painting shows passion and attention to detail.

Knitting is soothing but also takes skill and dexterity.

It sounds like he did you a favour OP. He's eroded your confidence enough, you need to keep away the toxic and start loving yourself.

I can't live like this. I wish I could end it all but I can't.

You know deep down you shouldn't go back, otherwise you wouldnt' post here :)

Are your friends and/or family nearby?

Please, please be strong. Remember all those reasons why you left him in the first place.
Try and get some counselling or at least see the doctor.

Please see your doctor if you are feeling like this.

It's a terrifying time for your now. You are out of his control which means you are out of your zone in a way. That kind of sudden shock and loss of control is terrifying. I wonder if you've become used to getting his abuse so being without it, being your own person and not having him there is so very different and strange that you want to dive back into what you know, what's familiar.

And what you know is that he'll abuse you again. And in a way that's a less terrifying option right now because you are terrified of what's to come and where you are going.

You don't deserve his abuse. Wanting him and it back shows your terror and no one deserves that either but if you go back it's just another type of terror. Once which will change and get worse over time and be as equally terrifying.

Please arrange for some counselling as soon as you can. You need support. If you were really nothing or rubbish would perfect strangers be trying hard to convince you otherwise?