.. To pick up DD from drunken ExP?

[Squeegle]

Back story is that XP is an alcoholic who has been in recovery.

A few weeks ago, when dropping off DCs to his I noticed he had been drinking (they are 11 and13), so I took them home. He was not out if his head, but I could tell; I know the signs after a long time. So my suspicions were aroused that he is going back to old habits after not drinking at all for over 3 years.

So, yesterday, he was picking up my DD from a friend's house and taking her back to his. (DS was elsewhere). I spoke to him on the phone and immediately could tell he was pissed. I asked him if he had been drinking, he shouted down the phone, "how dare you!", which really confirmed it.

I went round, knocked on the door, asked my DD to come back with me. She didn't want to as she didn't want to let down her dad and she said "he is ok, he's walking straight". He wouldn't have harmed her or anything, he is always good to her and kind, but I didn't want to leave her in the care of someone who was so drunk they would probably fall asleep soon. I'm always worried about fires and so on, and she is too young to take responsibility.

She is now upset with me, she said she would have been fine, and he is incensed; has texted me about my despicable judging ways and saying he doesn't need it.

I don't want this awful bad feeling, but surely I shouldn't leave a 13 year old in the care of someone who is drunk.

WWYD in this situation?

He never drives when he's been drinking I hope.

he can't keep them safe when he is drinking. if you enforce this he will be furious as he will want to protect his drinking and not seeing the children will present him with an ultimatum.

source: I was the alcoholic parent in this scenario. my daughter left home at 13 to live with her Dad. I am sober now and at 15 she stays with me every weekend. she would be able to tell in a second if I had a drink. she is having counselling through her school and I am immensely proud of her, but I couldn't stop for her.

I am also a child of alcoholic parents. they didn't care about anything apart from getting pissed. it's a horrible life for a child.

keep your children safe OP. if their dad can turn it around then that's brilliant. but he can't stop until he hits his own rock bottom.

I'm so sorry this is happening. alcoholism is a selfish, rapacious disease. the only one who can save your XH is himself.