Is this a bit weird - sorry another mil one!

[Maisy313]

Went for a meal with dh extended family, popped to the loo for a minute or so, later in the evening I saw a photo of the whole family at the dinner table on FB and asked when it happened, MIL said 'oh I asked the waiter to take it when you were in the toilet' I have had two of her grandchildren so feel a bit odd that I'm still excluded from these things... It sort of made me lol in my head as she must have had to of been so quick, but can just never imagine my mum behaving like that. I'm very much expected to arrange their bday / Mother's Day presents (mil messages to remind me) yet they don't acknowledge my bday, just dh and grandchildren. I know this is all 100% pathetic but just gives me a slightly off feeling...

I'd do it to HER. better than calling her out on it I think.

Next time you're all out. wait til she goes to the loo.

Definitely pass the responsibility for their presents for special days to your DH. I did this years ago when I realised what a nightmare my MIL was/is. Years ago they opened a restaurant and she made a huge photo collage/montage of the area they lived in ( tourist/picturesque Spain) and family, friends and pets in it.......everyone they knew except DH, DS1 and myself!!!! This thing hung on the wall in their business and promoted them as a family business etc, but missed out half her children!!!!

Yanbu.
My mil is great, never forgets my birthday and always includes me. But it upsets me that my own DM never acknowledges DHs birthday or at Christmas we have been together 25 years so understand how you feel.

I can that your DH has been brought up to think that this type of behaviour is ok. You need to re- teach him otherwise.
At family things if my in laws I always offer to take the family photos, but they always ask for a token photo also with me in it...

Your MIL sounds awful but tbh most of this low level nastiness would not be happening if your DH wasn't cheerfully going along with it.

Strike through fail.

OP, you need to have a good talk with your DH about this.

It is not normal, is nasty in fact, BUT he has grown up with his PIL and so is likely to view this treatment as normal.

You need to clearly spell out that this exclusion is unacceptable and that in future he can be the one to deal with his PIL, including presents, etc.

And just leave him to it. Don't step up. So what if MIL/FIL get shit presents, or even no presents? Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Time to put your foot down lovely. I would start by not going there at Christmas and not inviting them over to yours at any point over Christmas. Then a very blunt didcussion with your dh, where you tell him truthfully about all the things dhe has said and done and how he has been complicit in this. In future he must have your back.
Then do as suggested and pass responsibility for all gift buying etc to your husband - if they don't see you as family then you have no responsibility to treat them as such. Keep her at arms length all the way x

I think your DH is a bit of a pussy to not stand up for you. I know my DP wouldn't dream of me not being in a picture but then again my future mil is lovely.

If you have to go for Christmas I'd leave ALL the arrangements and present buying up to him and I'd make a big deal of taking shitloads of photos without her in. But I'm a nasty bitch.

You MIL behaviour is a problem but your DH is a bigger one. He needs to stop condoning them when they disrespect you, which is effectively what he is doing?