Thanks. I know I've got to do it. I really don't think he realises the gravity of the situation. I think he thinks I'm overreacting. I get the impression his ex, the mother of his four sons is the same type. Very risky personal behaviour - dodgy violent boyfriends, drinking to excess and getting into awkward situations etc etc which he has had to bail her out of a lot since they divorced 10 years ago. She lurches from one disaster to another too.
She's asked him for money several times since we've been together - but drives around in a much better car than I could ever hope to own. He tells me that he just says no but I'm beginning to doubt that now.
One prime example is this year. We could just about afford a week in the UK in a caravan. We took his youngest son with us and when we dropped him back she took him straight off to Turkey for a holiday and then asked my partner for some money on her return saying that the lad needed a shed load of stuff for school.
Did I mention that he pays more in CM than he earns some weeks but hasn't the heart to reduce it in case she says he can't see the lad any more.
I rather stupidly listened to his tales of woe of his the family business, headed up by his father, going bankrupt and taking him down with him off in resulting in him losing his home and then leaving the family in debt when he died a couple of years ago.
How he lost the house to his wife when he divorced and she wasted it all in a year spending all the equity instead of buying something else. I hear of her mother who was left a half million pound house back in the 80s and now lives in a small council flat unable to pay her rent having spent it all on holidays etc etc.
Just writing this down scared the bejeezers out of me. I lived through that crisis that was the 1991 crash and seeing my mortgage interest rate go up to 15% and a third knocked off the value to the house. Basically all of my equity had disappeared after over 15 years of house ownership gone!!! Careful buying and selling over a period of 9 years building up equity wiped out in a matter of weeks. Facing having to sell and not to being able to buy. I really don't want to go there again. I really can't cope with the idea of someone that has let that happen to him twice and doesn't seem that bothered about it.
I am so scared of losing the good stuff (his kindness and generosity is without doubt the main thing) but I personally think the good stuff will become less and less as he gets too comfortable and assumes that I'm just going to go along with it like his wife did. He says that he adores me and wants to be with me. He bought me a car when we first got together because I saw one and I said I liked it. Next think I knew it was parked on my drive. However, I find out months later he cashed in a pension scheme and used part of it purchase the car. The rest he spent on stuff for his sons like motorbikes and biking equipment. We are both in our late 50s and not the sort of thing he should be doing I'm sure. He says that his wife never questioned his finances, just went out and spent it when it came in. I can't be like that. I need to know that there is enough for the important things in life and some left over for treats. Not much to ask really is it?
Sorry this really is a rant. I used to be so bad with my finances when I was in my twenties but feel now it is time to take stock and prepare for older age.