Step mother

[ginorwine]

My dad died a couple of years ago .
My step mother and I have never got on but since he died I out of duty still see her .
She is quite a needy person who needs to be with people a lot and when she is by herself is always out , on holiday , at clubs etc .
She has told me that she needs me .
My view is that she just needs people .
I'm not keen to see her but will .
Does anyone have duty visits ? I'm not good at small talk with people unless I actually want to see them .
At the same time I feel a bit guilty as I just don't enjoy seeing her .

Well, step mothers are a raw topic for me today. I wouldn't go out of my way to see mine but out of duty I am civil when I can't avoid it. Even though she's a fucking cunt. Phew. That felt good.

Sympathies OP. She does sound needy and hard work.

I think the step parent relationship can become really difficult when your actual parent dies. I am in the same position as you. No advice really! I just want this person to disappear so I don't have to deal with them :-S

Thankyou both .
It's good to be able to share this .
And rant !
Yes ..wish disappear sums it up ! Feel left with a person .

How much of a role did she play in your life op. Maybe you can try cut down the visits so that it pleases you both?

Well married dad when I was quite young .
However she was ill for most of my childhood and things were done around her .

One day .it wd in theory please me very much if I never saw her .
However , guilt may then be a issue !

So this 'needing' extends from your childhood, where yet again it's all about her.
Try very very gradually cutting down the visits.

Try to be kind. You never know when you might need someone.

Take comfort from the fact you're doing a good deed for another human.

I see my IL's out of duty for DH. They live 150 odd miles away. They're ok but I wouldnt choose to see them if I had my way. At least I only have to see them once in a while.

As a PP said, it must be hard. But at the same time, perhaps you are all she has? Flip it round, what if your DH was no longer here and you felt lonely?

you sound a kind person. Could you do something with her that also helps you. eg buying plants for your gardens at a garden centre so your small talk is all about your task. So avoids emotion.

I visit my half great uncle about twice a year. I used to visit his mother (my step great grandmother) once a month before she died.

I have very little in common with him, find it hard to understand his accent but he is family and we are the only family he has.

I try to have time constraints when I see him, so it's only for an hour or two. Or make my dad visit with me when he is about so I can chat to my dad and he joins in.

IMO you have NO obligation to this woman. You have 1 life and you are allowing this vampire to suck the joy out of it. She gave you an unhappy childhood , do not allow this to continue. That kind of person will find someone else to leach on , as she did on your father.

Spring - good idea.
Amar - I get what you mean ! I don't in some ways think she cares who meets her needs she will get them met whatever as she seeks that constantly .i feel part of her strategy to get her needs met .she hates her own company -always has done .now dad not there she needs others more for company .

The best thing about my dad dying was never having to speak to the fat, slapped-arse faced troll who used to slollop around behind him making our family occasions as miserable as she could.

It's been lovely.