Did I deserve this mockery? really sick of having no support and nobody to talk to

[Seishan101]

I'll try and be brief.

Basically I've just found out I have a job interview for my dream job.

However, I only started my current job a few weeks ago.

I'm going for the interview of course but I'm torn between thinking it's wrong of me to ditch my current place of work after only a few weeks and doing what I know I'm more suited to.

So, speaking to DP just now I was telling him why it's such a difficult decision. More venting really because I suppose I'm stressed out and need to talk.

I said to him "part of me knows I won't like this current job as a long term thing anyway, only weeks in the hours are driving me mad (awkward shifts I meant, as he knew). He responded with a condescending shake of the head and a little giggle. This was me talking about a big deal to me and he's stood there fucking laughing at me. So naturally, I said "what you laughing at?". He replied "nothing, it's just that I work don't I." (still smirking).

I said "yeah, and??" so he replies "well, I'm used to working so naturally I have little sympathy for someone just starting out".

?????

I said "I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just talking to you about my current feelings!" and he replied "yes but I've been working a long time, everything you're worried about is just normal life for me."

He does this all the time. Everything is a fucking competition. I can't be stressed as he's more stressed. I can't be tired as he's more tired. I can't have a difficult day as his is more difficult. There is no support - just a condescending smirk and a stupid comment. Sick of it.

my ex used to call them 'bbfq's' bigger better faster quicker. its stuck with me. What ever you've dome they've done it bigger better faster quicker. I had a friend who was exactly like this an I'm afraid she is in now an ex friend! just too difficult to talk to! my mum is like this too. sadly I can't really dump her but I do tend to switch off when she's talking.

Hard to call without knowing about your relationship! How much does he talk to you about his life/feelings? And what is your reaction? Do you sympathise or do you feel less sympathetic because he doesn't listen to you?

From what you've said, he sounds like a PITA. My h does this sometimes and I have to tell him to stop it. He doesn't realise he's doing it but literally every time I have something wrong, he has something worse. FFS.

We have a very time/place specific name for it: verrucaring

We had a spate of it at school back in the late 70s. We were encouraged to check feet after PE.

One girl wails loudly, "Oh no! I have 2 verrucas on my big toe"

Lil Miss Better Than You piped up, presumably without thinking it through "Ha! I have 3"

It stuck with my family, Dad used it as a swear word for a while "verrucaring hell!"

He sounds like a twat

What's the point of him?

Based on what you've written and what you've written alone, YANBU and he sounds like an arse. Don't have kids with him ("oh, the kids have kept you up all night? Well I'VE been at work")

Oh gosh OP, I know someone like this!!

If we ever did something in the eve, they'd look pointedly at me, aghast: "well, I've got work tomorrow" as I was only a student I think it's insecurity personally!

For context i worked full-time prior to student life and had never once pulled a stunt like that on them. Some people think they're special snowflakes... Your DP sounds like one, hugs OP

I'm not saying the OP shouldn't expect emotional support, but we only have one side of things don't we? For all we know, her DP is a massive twat, or the OP is a major whinger, or maybe the reality is somewhere in between?? Work & study are hard! Maybe her DP is turning it into a competition or maybe it just feels like that as the OP is feeling fragile. I'm just saying it's worth her while to look at things from both sides.

I work with one of these. I call her a 'topper', in that she can top anything! It drives me crazy out of all proportion but being married to a topper must be the pits!
Love Elevenerife

I call them top trumpers. I had a landlady like that. I moved out.
/Helpful

Dear But even if she is whining, one upping her and basically telling her to get on with it is still a dick move.

If she's whining, he's competitively whining back.

In any case, the competitive game of woes has no winners. I'd rethink what you like about him and if this is really worth the headache to stay with him. For me personally, this would be a deal breaker. He doesn't respect you if he can't take the simple time to sit down and just listen to you.

I call them Dicks.

Have you tried asking him earnestly why he is being such a Dick?

My DP thinks the world is ending when something happens to him, but if it happens to me it's 'normal' - I don't take it and pull him down a peg .

What does he do, out of interest? And is your earning potential higher than his?

Of course we only have one side of the story. Even so, those sorts of remarks would drive me crazy and over time would tempt me to wipe the smirk away by whacking him around the chops.

Best to just ignore it. Tell him nothing further about your life and what you are doing.

Go for the interview. Good luck there, and if you get the job then take it if it feels right for you and hand in your notice where you are currently working without telling him a thing. If he eventually realises, and asks why you told him nothing then tell him straight, giving both barrels.

Firstly, the job question - well done on getting your current job and having an interview for another one. Go for the interview and if they offer you the job then take it. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and felt I should stay in the job I was in. It was a mistake. Go for the one you really want.

Secondly, your DP isn't acting like a 'dear' or a 'partner'. He's a silly competitive arse. It's a pity you didn't tell him a story about a super-supportive partner because then he'd have to tell you how he could be even more supportive and you could wait for the penny to drop . . .

Honestly, I wouldn't have the patience to put up with that.

Seishan101 Sounds like he's insecure to me.

He sounds tiresome.

Is this the only annoying thing he does? I mean is he wonderful in all other respects?

If not I would honestly consider LTB. Sorry if it sounds OTT but that sounds utterly draining to be around. I just think you would be better with someone positive and interested.

It also depends on how he is interpreting your side of the conversation.

I had a boyfriend for a short while who had been unemployed until I gave him a job after that he did nothing but winge about how difficult working was and everything was "cant do that I'm to tired from working" it was one of the most irritating things I have ever experanced, it used to drive me bonkers and make me want to shout "get with the program you lazy fucker,working is just what people do"

First off, you don't owe your current company anything - so if you're offered the other job, accept it if that's what you want.

Second, your DP sounds like he might be struggling with something. Maybe he needs some help or support. Or alternatively, he's just a douche - that's also entirely plausible.

Even if she is a moan (sorry OP :o) surely there are better ways to deal with it than belittling her?

I cannot abide belittling, it's a nasty, cowardly character trait.

You don't owe your present employers anything. Go for your 'dream job' and good luck. I hope you get it.
Why are you still living with that pillock. When you do start in the new job, dump him. You deserve better.

Sorry, carpaccio, didn't mean to duplicate!

He isn't always trying to top it though is he? So I don't know that he is an elevenerife. I think he is either an unsympathetic bastard, or he thinks you moan too much and it brings him down