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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is bu??

20 replies

Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 24/09/2015 12:24

Hi there,

Hope you can help settle this ! I work from home from 7am till 6pm. We have 2 children 11 and 8. I do pretty much everything in the house, washing laundry, cooking dinner, while Dh helps with homework, feed the pets...

As I cook dinner every night, and I wash dishes of any food preparation, am I being unreasonable to expect him to do the dishes (I do not owe a dishwasher) in the evening instead of leaving it every night festering in the kitchen ? He prefers to do it early morning so when I come downstairs it stinks and it's disgusting.

OP posts:

MTPurse · 24/09/2015 12:26

Why Can your 11 & 8 year olds not do them between them straight after dinner?

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 24/09/2015 12:26

Neither of you, you need a compromise and a solution, there's nothing inherently wrong with leaving the dishes until the morning.

OneDay103 · 24/09/2015 12:28

I too don't leave any dishes festering overnight but I have a dishwasher. Seriously invest in one, and your kids can even load and unload it.

formerbabe · 24/09/2015 12:28

If you are both working full time then I think housework and chores should be split 50/50.

Why are you doing so much on top of working...? You must be exhausted.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 24/09/2015 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 24/09/2015 12:40

If I don't do it, it doesn't get done or Dh has to do his share after the kids are in bed and he act like a martyr...I just wanted to relieve him but I'm too shattered to to the dishes on the top of everything else. There is no space for a dishwasher unfortunately.

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 24/09/2015 12:47

YANBU he is of course he can wash up some dishes,it already sounds like your doing more than your fair share.

There's 7 of us and we don't have a dishwasher and the children don't wash the dishes,myself and DH do it between us it takes all of 10 minutes.It's not hard,I'm disabled and ill so I'm sure if I can do it without acting like a martyr then your husband can do the washing up to.

ohtheholidays · 24/09/2015 12:49

not hard * sorry

Seeline · 24/09/2015 12:50

Your Dh is doing the washing up - just not at the time you would do it.
Dishes do not start smelling that quickly, let him wash them when he wants to.

Original poster

Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 24/09/2015 13:03

Thank you !!! You are all helping ! I calmed down a lot !

OP posts:

Fratelli · 24/09/2015 13:24

Get the kids to do it! The 11 year old can wash up and 8 year old can put away. Gets them into good habits. Your dh needs to help more anyway, you must be exhausted!

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:30

Personally I would let it go, he does do them just not when you want.

I would also be insisting that the kids helped too.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/09/2015 13:30

If it's his designated job to do the washing up, as long at it gets done, he does it when he wants to, within reason. I'm with him, sorry OP.

MangoBiscuit · 24/09/2015 13:35

Can you smell them from where you work? If so, something needs to change. Either he does them of an evening, or you do them, and he takes a job off you and does that in the morning to balance it back out.

If you can't smell it from where you work, then leave him be.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 24/09/2015 13:39

Get the kids to do it! The 11 year old can wash up and 8 year old can put away. Gets them into good habits. Your dh needs to help more anyway, you must be exhausted!

this was how it worked in our house.

Your Dh is doing the washing up - just not at the time you would do it.

how would you feel if he was naggin you to do a job at a different time than you wanted to?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 24/09/2015 13:51

Either it's his way of telling you that he feels hard done by doing the washing up so he's putting it off as long as possible
or
it's that he is tired too and prefers to leave it all until morning.

I agree that the DCs can be trusted to help but swap responsibilities sometimes - maybe Dad could try his hand at cooking one night a week it doesn't have to be anything complicated.

LemonBreeland · 24/09/2015 13:54

OP I completely understand how you feel. My DH is the same. Will leave it until the morning, which I hate, but I have had to learn to let go, as he is doing it. And it is not my place to force him to do it to my schedule, much as I might think it is skanky to leave them.

Florene · 24/09/2015 13:54

Swap the laundry (including ironing (if done...) and putting away) for the washing up. He can do that in a morning instead. Win win.

Original poster

Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 24/09/2015 14:03

Ok I'm going to let it go, you have been a tremendous help..true as long as he does it, I'll shush about it...the kids put the table on and tidy up.

OP posts:

mrsplum2015 · 24/09/2015 14:17

Hmm it's a tough one. I agree with you that the kitchen should be clean and tidy before bedtime (partly due to hygiene and smell but partly for ease the next morning).

We have a similar agreement although in our house it is just that DH finishes the clearing up. We do have a dishwasher so I generally fill it and put it on then there might be the odd saucepan or a couple of wine glasses for him to wash up - and empty the dishwasher. He is so lazy laid back that he rarely does this in the evening and says he'll do it the next morning.

Fine if he is up on time and does it before I get near the kitchen, but inevitably once (at least) a week he is "running late" and either trying to clear up while I'm trying to get myself and 3DC ready to get out, or even worse he doesn't have time to do it at all if something catches him unawares and he has to get out quickly. This sends me absolutely insane (because my morning routine is a well oiled machine and doesn't allow extra time for any wiping down, putting away, washing up etc) and I go back to prompting him to clear up everything in the evening, which lasts 1 or 2 nights before he drifts back into old habits.

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