To have shouted at her in the supermarket

[Notenoughhoursever]

I have a little routine on days when I can to take youngest dc out for a nap in his buggy. We go for a walk and often to the shops where I try and get inspiration for meals or just look at stuff and feel normal and calm for once

I'm going through a lot of stress currently due to dcs health and this little routine keeps me sane. It's a part of the day where I feel like everyone else

Bumped into DM and she started up as usual. Going on about dsis and her illnesses, going on about my dcs and things. Something about dd and her heart condition. I tried to steer the conversation back to my meal plans but she persisted then I said "for once I don't want to talk about health" and she got angry and said "but it's about dds heart" and I lost my temper and shouted at her for gods sake just let me be normal for once. Burst into tears and walked off

I feel guilty now but I just need so desperately to have some tiny bit of normality each day

Yanbu she should have backed off the first time you asked her.
When you feel less upset, explain to her how this constant talk makes you feel and how you just need a break not to keep focusing on it.

YANBU. You gave her a clear signal to change the conversation.
Get yourself calm and relaxed (difficult when your routine has been dented).

When you can (and in your time) discuss with her about the importance for you of having that calm, untroubled break in your day.

You seem to be under an awful lot of stress.
Did your DM realise how you are feeling?
Is your DM feeling the strain of your dd's condition too?

Thank you, I think I needed to hear that as I feel guilty now for shouting and I really don't need guilt on top of everything else.

Ds still napping so having a quiet lunch and trying to calm down. In a way I feel silly having such a routine but I really need that time.

DM knows,new have spoken many times about it. The problem is, for some reason most of my family seem to fixate on illnesses.bloads of appt so for anything and everything. Go through packets and packets of paracetamol etc and it's all any of them talk about

I get fed up of it. I think as it's pretty much 24/7 for us dealing with serious conditions it starts to get on my nerves hearing about anything medical. Most of the time I try to ignore it and set aside time as often as I can to do my walk/shops/meal plan etc when I can and I just try and get it all out of my mind. Today I was particularly looking forward to it as dd2 is back at school and they had text to say she was fine so I took my chance and it got ruined. I'd been in my own little world walking round the supermarket and just didn't want to talk about illnesses

I feel bad for you op.

You need to sit your mother down (or write a letter) and tell her that you need a break from illness sometimes and to please take the hint and change the subject if asked nicely. I found letters worked better with my mother because then she didn't get all defensive and twatty.

Don't feel guilty. You'd obviously reached breaking point and your warning signs having been ignored you snapped. Anyone who says they wouldn't have done too is either a bona fide angel or a liar!

I think people who don't have to cope with disability/illness 24/7 often forget that sometimes you'd like to forget it and be part of the 'normal' world.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy, putting on a brave face, appearing to be 'coping', so when we the angel halo slips it can be a shock to those around us. But sometimes that's no bad thing.