AIBU to be furious about this and clueless on next steps... (Warning: bullying related and very long)

[Thefuckinggrinch]

Not sure if this is the right place but posting for traffic as I really need some support, ideas and help please.

My DD is being bullied at school. It started off as name calling last year. Towards the end of the year it graduated to the odd shove. We spoke to school many times and they insisted they had eyes on it, it was hormones, all the kids were fighting etc. It seemed to ease off towards the end of term so we though we had a handle on it.

This year however it was grown fast into relentless torture. DD is having her stuff taken and hidden (pencils, work she is trying to do, lunch etc) She is too scared to go into the cloakroom unless no one is there as she has been repeatedly shoved hard into the coat pegs. She has one friend and they are both being picked on when together (being called lesbians, being jeered at, being pushed etc) although my DD is the main target.

After speaking to some other mums I know with kids in DDs class and the other class in the year it seems the issue is with one girl, lets call her Tina. It seems that the year before last Tina's dad left. Tina got super angry and has been taking this out on the other kids ever since. A friend's DS was tormented in the same way my DD is now by her last year as was another friends DD. It seems that they just keep moving her around and she torments whoever is near her. She has 2 other girls who follow her like sheep and the rest of the class she picks on, starting with whoever is closest. She is mean to everyone with regards to name calling but it seems to be just my DD who is taking the brunt of her physical abuse atm. My friend with the very hysterical DS was told that "she should make allowances for Tina as her dad left" No one knows of any punishments that Tina has faced but it seems every parent has a story about her hurting their child.

I have already been into school at least once a week over the bullying since DD started back at school. Last night DH called the headteacher to escalate it fast after DD was in utter hysterics after yet another incident and said that she couldn't face school anymore and wanted to commit suicide. I was told that headteacher/her teacher/the school councelor would talk to her today and get back to me. So far nothing.

So please wise MNers help! What do I need to push with the school? What should I be expecting them to do? How can I protect my DD? I know she will talk to me but I don't know how to help? I've been in relentlessly to annoy the class teacher but it seems to have done fuck all as this has really ramped up fast. It had gone past the name calling level we had last year by the first day. I would love to see the girl expelled if I had my way but I doubt they will do that. DD is in year 6. The problems started in end of year 4/beginning of year 5 for others but for my DD towards the middle of last year when Tina was moved to sit on DDs table (to stop her bullying the kids on the table she was on). The year 5 teacher kept telling us it was "hormones" when we started having issues and went to talk to her Yr 6 teacher is new to the school so I don't know her at all (apart from the 5 times I've been in since beginning of term...)

Your poor DD. This has been going on for ages, no wonder she's at the end of her tether.

Copy OFSTED into all correspondence. It is, as others have said, a safeguarding issue and OFSTED could fail a school just on this.

What Tired and Barbarian said.

The school can't be required to give personal information about Tina, but they can and should be called to account for why they haven't apparently implemented their own bullying policy. Try to find out from other parents how many of them have complained directly to the school about Tina, and ask the school why she is being allowed to carry on inflicting physical violence on other children. They may well take the line that she needs psychiatric help and, I'm afraid, with the state of Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services as it is she probably hasn't been able to access it. Nevertheless, the school's first duty is to the safety of all the children, and as matters stand they obviously aren't complying with it.

There was a boy at my sons school who had a difficult home life. Like Tina he seemed to target a pupil for one year then switch to someone else right through each year of primary school.

Lots of name calling, pushing and shoving, following the target around in a menacing way.

Due to his difficult circumstances it seemed that the degree of "allowance" and excuses were in excess of what I would have expected from the school.

Inevitably my son became the target in year 6. No reason other than it was his turn. However my son being one of the youngest in the year and the troubled kid being the oldest meant at this age there was a massive discrepancy in height and weight. As you can guess it meant that even with "mild" scurmishs as they were described my boy came home bloodied and brused .

Yes we spoke to the school and wrote many letters. Lots of talk about managing the situation but no positive outcome.

In the end (after an unusually nasty incident) my DH had enough. Please bear in mind he's not an aggressive person normally, but he took DS to school and sought out the other boys father. Let just say "words were said" in relation to keeping his son in check and what the consequences would be if my son came home injured again (not threatening the boy btw).

My son wasn't targeted after that. However the kid just found a new target and the cycle started again.

Not sure how helpful that was really, but your not dealing with something that doesn't happen elsewhere sadly.

I just hope you get better support than we did