To ask for, if not demand, a kick up the bum and some help with my procrastination ISHOOS.

[IdBuyThatForADollar]

I have a confession. I'm a procrastinator. A fucking heinous one. I WILL ALWAYS PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT CAN BE DONE TODAY. Obviously. There's First Dates to watch and probs 2 hours of gaming, or indeed, just sitting to be done.

This is me:

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

I mean, I didn't write it, it's too awesome, but I have both an Instant Gratification Monkey and a Panic Monster.

This is unasseptable (10 points for the reference). It worked at school because eventually homework deadlines would creep up and I'd have to panic and get shit done. It worked at Uni because eventually essay submission dates would creep up and I would have to panic and get shit done. It works at work because eventually project dates creep up and I panic and have to get shit done. You get the general idea.

IT DOES NOT WORK IN MY LIFE. There's shit I want to do, people!

I need to:

1. Apply for my Masters
2. Declutter my house
3. Sell a bunch of stuff on eBay
4. Sort my, frankly, laughable finances out
5. Redecorate/do some serious DIY
6. Tidy/hack at the garden
7. Sell my house
8. Move many miles away
9. Change career

10. Do SOME ART 11. Get healthy 12. Continue ineffectually parenting a child

I have obvs put applying for my Masters first because that's the most interesting thing and least guilt inducing thing on my list, but actually probably doesn't need to happen yet and if I started it, it would be an excellent reason not to do 2-11 for the next two years.

I cannot wait two years to start. I will be bankrupt, in the wrong place and the timing will be wrong if I wait two years.

Really, I need to have got to number 8 in 18 months time. That both seems like AGES and NO TIME AT ALL.

Please help. Please reform me. I want to be better. How do I do it? How do I become, in my late 30s, an ACTUAL grown up? I want to make positive changes and decisions in my life, not drift around on the current doing FUCK ALL forever.

Joining thread in sympathy, empathy and in hope of someone coming along with some helpful stuff soon...

Ooh, I need to do numbers 2 to 12 as well. Except I need to do some ineffectual parenting to three offspring.

What sort of art do you do?
And why do you need to move?

Wow. That's quite a list you've set yourself. Maybe if you eased up on yourself and moved away from the all or nothing approach? Couple of tactics I find useful (without making a whole new procrastination out of ways to change procrastination!) are-
Stand up immediately and go do something/anything constructive, however small. Yesterday I oiled the front door. So that took 5 minutes (plus 6 months procrastination)
Brain off shoes on (works for exercise, getting out etc)
Setting timer and doing 15 minutes of anything

PS I claim my points for the Supernanny ref

Well, I don't currently do any (see above), but my DP is in the arts, darling, and has convinced me that I need a creative outlet. It's likely to also involve technology in some form, as 1. I'm a terrible geek and 2. I can barely hold a pen, so most trad forms are out for me. Probably something involving sound and vision (thanks David Bowie).

I need to move because where I live now has one RIDICULOUSLY GOOD secondary school that everyone wants their children to go to and so is MASSIVELY oversubscribed and the work/stress to get in there is EPIC. I think my child has a reasonable chance of getting in, but I am not sure I am comfortable with the process as well as the criteria constantly changing. Plus, if she doesn't, there's not much choice left at all. A lot of academies with ethos that I am not at all happy with.

I also used to work somewhere where living was very expensive. I now live in a very expensive, tiny house near that location and used to walk to work. My work moved a year ago to somewhere a lot less expensive. So now I live in an expensive tiny house and spend a fortune to get to work. I, thus, want/need to move nearer work and decent secondary schools in order to remain solvent and sane and have a slightly bigger house to store my future teenager in. It'll also be a lot prettier. I know I am slightly putting this off as there are people I will miss VERY MUCH INDEED, so I feel slightly sick at the thought, but I do think it's the right decision.

Wow. OP are you me?!
Just take out 1, 7 and 8 and the list is mine. Unfortunatly i'm no help as I have just wasted 20 mins by clicking the link. I have a pile of paperwork I need to read through before a meeting tomorrow (yes i've had it for weeks) and I still need to check google maps to find out exactly where it is I need to be.
I need to put washing out, clean up etc and all before rushing out last minute to pick DD up from school. (which weirdly I haven't been late for yet but it's only been 2 weeks)

But i'm still messing about on mn.

I'm fine at work though. But I suppose that's due to there being consequences.

I feel your pain (see name).

I have a similar list to you!
I have however managed to do the house move bit (for the school reasons similar to you) but I was motivated by no longer being able to afford private school fees- panic is a great motivator (like you said!)

I really need to get the chip in my windscreen repaired....

Sorry I'm not much help!

I really need to get the chip in my windscreen repaired....

Oh yes. That too.

And Trashcan - points are yours...

Can you break it down more? Don't think 'I need to sell my house and move!' That's too big. For today, Google local estate agent, call them up and book an appointment for them to come and do a valuation. Then 1. You have something in the diary you can't procrastinate out of. 2. Hopefully they will hassle you afterwards to market the house...3. Once viewings are lined up you will have a deadline to declutter and the extrinsic motivation of lots of people potentially coming round and seeing all your mess if you don't.

There are some tools out there too. Eg stickk.com www.stickk.com/ where you can enter your goal and if you don't achieve it they will donate to the US National Rifle Association or other 'charity' of your choice. Or perhaps set up a group with your friends. Each agrees a goal then you commit to hold each other to them by meeting/chatting regularly to see how you go.

I say this all as a hopeless procrastinator myself who isn't great at putting the theory into practice!

I am the worst procrastinator I know. Absolutely brilliant at it. Drive DP up the wall.

Last night I needed to iron two shirts and wash up the dinner plates. That's all. Hardly installing new double-glazing, building a conservatory or repointing a gable end is it? I ended up watching repeats of Big Bang Theory, Educating Cardiff, then a film that I've seen at least four times before, so was washing up and ironing at half past midnight. Why? Just why?

I have two jobs, both of them quite stressful, so I don't know whether I justify huge amounts of arse-sitting when I'm at home by telling myself I've done enough stuff that I don't want to do during the day, so I deserve to do what I want at home. It's a totally immature attitude, and it will bite me on the arse at some point, so I really need to change.

What driving said - you have to break each job down into tiny tiny little steps, otherwise it's completely overwhelming. So spend the next few days making a separate list for each of the goals you have there, break them down into the smallest increments you can, then stick them up somewhere visible in your house and start crossing off. It'll be supremely satisfying once you get started, I promise.

I have no advice but feel your pain.
I should actually be finishing a piece of work my boss is waiting on but i am doing everything to avoid it.
I can come back later and regale you with all the things my procrastination has fucked up.
I do a good impersonation of a competent human being but it's all bullshit.

The breaking stuff down advice is good, as is setting timers to work on something for a short time, but at some point I still have to force myself to just do it!

Read how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. I have got a lot more done in life, and got more out of it since reading it 2 years ago. Not everything in there will apply to you, but the style is light, conversational and very much this worked for me, it may work for you too.

And for the decluttering you need to read marie kondo.

Both books I saw recommended hre on MN. Good luck!

Aaahhh, the list thing is a good idea. I was going to do that last night. Want to hear what I did instead?

Unfortunately my DP is also somewhat a procrastinator and a lot of the above list falls to him as well as to me, so we were going to write lists and timescales together. Yeh. Didn't happen.

I'm looking forward to it, TheVeryThing.

What's happened, you see, is I've procrastinated so long, that I simply have to do this massively long list of things (a lot of them follow each other), and now I'm procrastinating because it all seems like such a Herculean task.

Well done me.

Top work there.

None of the things on your list are actual actions, they're just vague plans/dreams/ideas/needs.

What, specifically, do you need to do next?

1. Apply for my Masters

Print off application

1. Declutter my house

Declutter a specific cupboard

1. Sell a bunch of stuff on eBay

Choose one thing to sell on eBay, photograph and list it

1. Sort my, frankly, laughable finances out

Get all of your bills and paperwork into one place

1. Redecorate/do some serious DIY

Pick one room to redecorate and list what you need to do (combine with declutter?

1. Tidy/hack at the garden

Choose one flowerbed to clear - or make a six-foot square from some rope and tidy/hack that

1. Sell my house

Ask a friend for an estate agent recommendation

1. Move many miles away

Write a list of what you need to do to make this happen

1. Change career

Do you know what to? If not, write out everything you want to do. If you do, update your CV

10. Do SOME ART
    God, get a piece of paper and draw/paint something, with the plan of throwing it away as soon as you're done. Or: Give yourself five minutes every day to draw your favourite mug / handbag / powertool

11. Get healthy
    Find your trainers / running gear and put it out ready. In the morning run 100 yards down the road and back. Further if you feel like it when you get to the 100 yard mark

12. Continue ineffectually parenting a child
    Pick one thing you want to change

To fix procrastination you need to create habits. You don't get fit by planning a fitness regime, you get fit by doing something every day, whether it's a 100 yard run, a five mile run, changing your habit of buying a coffee and a cake every day, whatever.

Focus on the small things you do. If you want to do more art, don't expect to paint a huge painting. Give yourself five minutes and sketch something. Every day.

Don't have a long list. Pick one or two things that you have to do tomorrow. When you get up DO THEM BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE. Then even if you achieve nothing else, you've at least done two things.

Focus on two things:

1. Very specific things to do next. If you have to call someone, write the phone number on your to-do list.

1. Habits. You brush your teeth every day. You don't even think about it: it's a habit. Apply that principle to other areas of your life.

Oh, also, anything that takes under two or three minutes and can be done now should never go on a list. You should just do it if you're able to. That includes washing up plates, taking things upstairs, filling in forms etc.

This is the order to approach things:

1. Don't do it (as in it's unnecessary - saying no to cooking 1,000 cakes for school comes into this category, avoiding the washing up doesn't)

1. Delegate it to someone else

1. Do it now (two or three mins)

1. Do it later (add the specific action you have to take to a list)

Ultimately you have to understand and accept that doing something later, i.e. procrastinating, is ALWAYS the last resort.

I recommend a mind map for the initial brain dump of all the steps you need. I use mindmeister. Makes it easy to add/rearrange etc.

Once you've got a list, the pomodoro technique is excellent for actually getting you to do stuff.

I'm a marie kondo fan for the house sorting - lots of threads on here about that.

I'm still a terrible procrastinator, but these approaches have made a difference. As has accepting that i waste a lot of time and that's OK as long as I do some stuff. I don't have to be perfect. This realisation makes it surprisingly easier to start...

I sort of agree with strongandlong but be really careful about spending lots of time investigating and trying anti-procrastination techniques, especially ones with names. They are a form of procrastination themselves...

Very good point, lacktoast. Much more important to do something than to work out the optimum thing to do. I am rather (a-hem) well-versed in the various methods around, but JUST FUCKING DO SOMETHING is the main point. I have this image as my screen saver (it's a Malcolm Tucker quote).

Which replaced one with my grandfather's favorite: Don't get it right, get it written

Radical suggestion here, IdBuy:

Turn off Mumsnet until you've done one of the things on Toast's list.

Then come back here for a pat on the back.

I started writing this just after you posted this, then a song I liked came on spotify and I danced away for like 3 hours and forgot about it till now! So I'm not sure I'm the best person to be giving advice on this!

However I have quite bad adult ADHD so I'm basically the queen of procrastination, because of that I've had many professionals give me techniques for this type of thing (that I clearly rarely use!) but maybe they will be useful to you!

Firstly I use the app "Home Routine" it's suppose to be just for cleaning, but I use it for everything! Which might be useful for the things like getting healthy and keeping the house tidy. But it's not really the app that is important, it could even be a piece of paper, it's just for breaking down tasks and keeping track of them basically.
On mine I have it broken down into tasks I need to do weekly, tasks I need to do every Monday etc as well as my daily routine, which is broken up into: Morning, before lunch, after lunch etc.
I have put in it even the most basic tasks like: Brush teeth, shower, feed the dog breakfast, feed myself breakfast! Obviously you probably won't need to go that basic, but breaking down stuff really does help as others have said, like instead of "cleaning bathroom" I have pick up clothes, empty bin, clean bath, wipe handles etc. So it doesn't feel to daunting and you feel like you've achieved stuff even if you don't manage the whole room.

Basically routine is important, obviously this doesn't work with the bigger stuff like moving house, but for the stuff you have to do regularly is to have a calendar, and do a cross or something every day that you do something healthy like exercise, it's a good motivation, as you don't want to miss a day and mess it up. However if you miss a day make sure you just get back on the horse tomorrow, one of my biggest flaws is I will start a routine and if it falls apart one day, I just won't restart it, I'll be like oh well I've failed. And go back to my crappy routine. Don't make that mistake, just be like oh well I'll start again tomorrow.

I've also got the same issue that I can't work unless I have a deadline, the best thing is to tell people what your plan and date is, tell your best friend or even just a mumsnetter! Just say I'm going to apply to my masters by X date. It will motivate you like conventional deadlines, as next time they ask about your plans you don't want to be like "oh yeah.... I just messed about gaming instead of applying"

For the bigger life changing things, it's cheesy, but stick a big poster/whiteboard up somewhere you often sit, with your goals on. It's really easy to lose sight and forget about big things like that, as you just get bogged down by the smaller stuff, have it up somewhere you procrastinate often, above the computer? So you can visually see it when your gaming or whatever, it really works for me, as it puts the decision in my face like I'm gaming instead of changing my life for the better (I said it was cheesy!)

If you've got something to do, don't think: I will do it after watching this tv show/gaming, because one episode, turns into after this whole series. Do the gaming/tv watching AFTER you've done the task you wanted to complete today.

Apologies for the long post, I got a bit carried away when I got going, clearly putting off doing work!

By the way:-

"Writing is hard for every last one of us… Coal mining is harder. Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig." (Cheryl Strayed)

Replace writing with basically anything. There's no valid reason why you can't do any of the things you want to.

Stop telling yourself - and others - that you're a procrastinator, too. Saying you are something is the best way to become it, and never escape it.

I will give you a swift kick in your procrastinating behind tomorrow, I swear.

Haha! Thank you all. It's v helpful. Do I get a smiley face sticker for going and clearing out two drawers in my bedroom this afternoon? Ta-daa! I've practically finished that list.

Depends on where you put the stuff from the drawers? In a box to sort later?