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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want dd to visit this house again?

47 replies

ginmakesitallok · 23/09/2015 09:46

The other night dd was at a sleepover at friends house. When I dropped her off there was a dog in the shared back garden who scared the life out of both of us when it launched itself at the door when we walked past. Turns out its dfs dog. When I picked dd up dfs mum was bringing dog in from a walk. She had no control over it at all, but claimed that it was friendly and great with kids. It's a staffie/rottie cross. Speaking to dd later she said how nice the dog was once it calmed down and said that dfs baby brother (14 months ish) was pulling it's tail and it didn't mind!!!

Aibu not to let dd back to this house with an uncontrolled dig like this, with owners who let young kids annoy it?

OP posts:

PuntasticUsername · 23/09/2015 10:43

I meant more that you could say your DD had had an allergic reaction to the dog rather than the house - sorry if that wasn't clear!

Gottagetmoving · 23/09/2015 10:53

YANBU at all!
I wouldn't stay in a house with a dog that was not well under control and trained so I would never let a child stay there.
Just because the dog has not attacked anyone yet does not mean it never will. Your DD should be able to run without the dog reacting in a bad way - and if not then it could be unpredictable in other ways too.
I would definitely tell the woman why I did not want my child to stay.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/09/2015 11:11

YNBU. I cant believe people would be so irresponsible, allowing s child to pull a dog's tail. The dog doesn't mind. HTF do they know, are they dog whispers or something, can they read its innermost thoughts.
Yes the dog may be as daft as a brush, but it's not a chance I'd be taking.
Dogs can be intimidating and frightening. I only really like them when they're little innocent trusting loveable cute puppies.

Adarajames · 23/09/2015 11:19

I love dogs, train them in various disciplines (agility, obedience, search and rescue etc etc) and foster and rehab for rescues. Id be wary of letting a child back into the house, because the adults there obviously don't supervise the interactions between dog and kids as they should, or they'd not be letting a toddler mishandle the dog like that! and Not because of the dog, either its behaviours or its breeds!

insanityscatching · 23/09/2015 11:19

I think that at 11 she should know how to behave around dogs and I would imagine df's mum would know whether or not the dog was safe around children and she wouldn't invite hem if the dog wasn't.
For me the breed isn't really all that relevant especially after yesterday when my 9 inch poodle shih tzu snapped at the window cleaner who was stupid enough to try and pick him up He might look like a little toy but he is definitely not a lapdog.

KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 11:25

Adara I agree with you.

Can I also ask? Is you dd used to be around dogs (ie do you or a very close fmily member have dogs?).
I would be even more careful if she isn't used to them because the 'youu just need to be careful not to run near him' will be forgotten much more easily by a child who isn't used to animals/dogs than by one who has learnt to be careful around animals.

KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 11:28

insanity, I don't have dogs. My dcs do not know how to behave around dogs. Actually, the youngest is still scared by them and is very likely to run the opposite way if one dog was getting aggressive, barking and jumping the way the OP describes.
He wouldn't dare touching them either though. But would certainly NOT know not to run etc.. Especially if he is scared.

beetrootpickle · 23/09/2015 11:40

I agree that breed isn't relevant to whether a dog is dangerous - it is generally a lack of training and supervision.

It sounds like this unfortunate dog is an accident waiting to happen.

I wouldn't risk it with my daughter. YANBU

Dawndonnaagain · 23/09/2015 11:47

Years ago I took Ds to a party. We were greeted by a large, barking doberman that was 'ever so friendly when he knows you' and 'left with the kids all the time'. He was put down when he bit, badly another boy in the class about six months later. All the while I was getting dirty looks and gossiped about because I'd refused to let ds back there.
Oh, we have two dogs.

Boobz · 23/09/2015 13:33

Our dog is not well trained (we have tried, but she is just bonkers - a medium sized Weimaraner).

She always goes a bit loopy when someone comes to the door - she loves new people and wants to get involved in the fuss of a visitor coming.

She is a family dog who is very friendly and can tolerate our 3 YO crashing into her with his scooter (by accident) - he is a bit mal-coordinated.

I would hate to think one of DD's friend's mums would stop her daughter seeing mine based on what she might be thinking is scary behaviour from our soppy mutt.

If I were you I would talk to the parents. If you feel you can trust her answers which backs up your own DD's feelings that the dog is fine, then I would go with that. If you still don't feel you believe what the parents say, or they say that yes, she is a bit uncontrollable and your DD needs to be wary, then I would keep her away from the house.

(P.S. We re-homed a rescue dog whom I felt was too unreliable around children)

pocketsized · 23/09/2015 13:48

The barking at the door/gate wouldn't necessarily put my off. Our very friendly cocker spaniel has an awful habit of barking at the door after spending several months at my in laws, who are quite deaf and encouraged it as they couldn't hear people at the door :/
We've tried to train it out of him, but he just enjoys it too much! When you open the door though he sits (or lies on his back) quietly, which I suppose is different.
I would be more worried that they are not supervising the interactions with the toddler properly though, it's likely to be winding the dog up, and one say he may well decide he's had enough :(

Booboostwo · 23/09/2015 14:14

I am not too sure what is worrying you.

The dog barked when strangers approached its garden - perfectly normal behaviour.

The dog was pulling on the lead - bed manners but nothing to do with aggression.

The dog did not react to having its tail pulled - good dog although I would want the owners to be more vigilant and not allow the child and dog to be put into this situation.

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 23/09/2015 14:48

As I've said the problem I have isn't with the breed per se, it's abut the lack of control of the individual dog. If that particular dog went for a child it could inflict very serious damage. I don't trust that particular dog. The jumping at the back door wasn't just an excited jump at the door, it was an agressive lunging. The pulling on the lead is normal, but the mum couldn't control the dog at all.

OP posts:

CrapBag · 23/09/2015 14:53

I second the 'sorry dd had a bit of an allergic reaction to the dog so it's best if she doesn't stay but your dd is welcome at ours"

I wouldn't want my child there either OP. There was a case a few years ago about an older girl getting killed when the dog went for her pie wasn't it. It certainly isn't only toddlers.

claraschu · 23/09/2015 15:02

This still doesn't sound like anything worrying to me.

Lots of people are recommending that you say your daughter is allergic to dogs. This will clearly be a lie, and it is also an annoying lie. People lying about allergies is one of the things which makes it hard to get everyone to take real allergies seriously enough. "Allergic to" should not be used as a euphemism for "don't like".

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 23/09/2015 15:06

Clara, out of interest, what WOULD make you concerned about a dog?

OP posts:

Bakeoffcake · 23/09/2015 15:14

Don't lie about an allergy. I think I would say she was a bit frightened of the dog and so are you, so don't feel comfortable about her going there.

Friendlystories · 23/09/2015 15:21

I also have no issue with breed (have two staffs) but the lack of supervision and not teaching children to be respectful of dogs (the tail pulling) would concern me. My DD (6) is never left alone with my dogs, I have stair gates everywhere and if I leave the room the dogs know they come too and I've taught my DD the correct way to behave around them. Too many people are blasé about dogs and children and, from your description it sounds as though this family are not taking adequate precautions to ensure their own childrens' safety let alone yours. I don't think there's any such thing as over cautious where dogs are concerned, I adore mine but acknowledge that there is always the chance a bad situation may occur if I don't take the right steps to ensure it doesn't. I wouldn't put my DD or my dogs at risk so supervision is essential, that way DD can't get hurt and there's no chance my dogs will have to be destroyed because they hurt someone. I would offer the alternative of the friend coming to you but if that's refused I don't think any friendship is important enough to risk my child being in an unsafe environment. The comment about the dog being ok as long as you don't run would worry me, that's an undesirable behaviour in any dog let alone one that's unsupervised around children and should be addressed with training, if the parents haven't bothered I definitely wouldn't leave my child in their care.

claraschu · 23/09/2015 15:22

Growling, hackles raised, showing teeth. Some dogs just have an aggressive or antagonistic feel to them, and I keep my distance.

This sounds like a bad-mannered dog. The fact that he lets a toddler maul him, that the parents have several children and are not worried about the dog, that your daughter said he was nice, would reassure me. We have a lot of friends with dogs, and some of them are noisy, jumpy, and a bit out of control, and some of them love to have little kids climb all over them: these things don't bother me.

If I were a bit worried, I would tell the mum that I am maybe a little overanxious about dogs, and ask about this dog's behaviour and history. If she is defensive or unsympathetic, that would be a big warning sign to me that I wouldn't want my child in her care.

Obviously you shouldn't let your child play there if you are not happy with the situation, but she is getting close to the age where she will be making her own arrangements and going to friend's houses whom you haven't met. I have three older teens so see these things from the perspective of secondary school friendships.

claraschu · 23/09/2015 15:26

Fern I think it was the daughter who said the dog was ok if you didn't run. Maybe she just meant the dog got excited if lots of kids were running and he started chasing/ playing /barking.

I don't know why I am defending this dog. Obviously the OP should just do what she feels comfortable with.

Witchend · 23/09/2015 16:04

Personally I wouldn't, but I was attacked at about that age by a very well trained dog. A boxer, so not a dangerous dog, that most of the time was impeccably behaved and very much under control. I'd never had any issues with this dog, been there lots of times. One day I ran down to open the door to a friend and it went for me. Luckily the dad was there and grabbed it in time, but it occurred out of nowhere.
After that if I or any other children came round they put the dog out.

Booboostwo · 23/09/2015 19:32

I don't quite get the lack of control concern. Dogs are not prevented from biting because they are under good control by their handlers. It's not as if the natural impulse of the dog is to bite but the owner is present and says 'off' so the dog stops due to good training.

Dogs, in general, are bred not to bite otherwise they would be useless in domestic environment (obviously there are exceptions but there is no reason to think this dog is one of them, e.g. Ex-police dogs). Then they are socialised so that they are comfortable and fear free in situations they are likely to come across. A dog that has bad manners, e.g. pulls on the lead or jumps up is no more or less likely to bite than any other dog. A dog that is likely to bite can't be stopped because it has been trained not to pull on the lead.

Training can be relevant if the dog has developed a specific problem, e.g. resource guarding but again you have no reason to believe this to be the case.

If you think these parents allow their DCs and visiting DCs unsupervised access to this dog this is a more serious issue. Adults should always supervise DCs and dogs to have a chance of reading the dog's stress signs and intervening as well as teaching DCs how to interact appropriately with dogs in the first place.

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