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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell her?

30 replies

JaniesGotaGun · 22/09/2015 20:26

NC'd for this.

My close friend got married at the beginning of this year, I was a bridesmaid and DP was an usher (he is also close friends with the groom).

The other day, a different friend of mine came over and the subject of strip clubs came up (in reference to stag nights) in which my DP admitted (of his own accord) that he had visited one on the above mentioned groom's stag night.
He didn't mention this to me at the time, just said they'd all got roaring drunk in town. I'd never probed further as DP has never given me cause to doubt his word- well, until now!

Afterwards, I asked DP why he hadn't mentioned it previously - he said all the party had agreed not to say anything as my friend (the bride) is extremely against it. The groom was bought a private dance by the party.

Whilst I was annoyed with DP for keeping this from me at the time (and find these clubs a bit seedy - the men who go in, not the dancers). I didn't think there was really an issue to be had here. DP is genuinely lovely and really did offer this up himself, there's no way I would have known about this or 'caught him out' otherwise.

Sorry getting a bit long!

Anyway, my friend who was there the other night now thinks (very strongly) that I should tell the bride what happened that night, that it was unfair for the groom not to give his bride the choice to 'know who she was truly marrying'.

I think the deed is done, they are married now and other than cause a row that needn't occur - it isn't my business?

OP posts:
Autumnnights1 · 22/09/2015 20:28

I'd mind my own business.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/09/2015 20:28

Leave it and don't be pressured by this other person to blab.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/09/2015 20:29

Not for you to tell.

Sparklingbrook · 22/09/2015 20:29

I wouldn't say anything personally.

sugar21 · 22/09/2015 20:31

I'd keep quiet, why stir up a hornets nest.

PennyHasNoSurname · 22/09/2015 20:33

Id keep schtum.

Thefuckinggrinch · 22/09/2015 20:34

I'd keep quiet. Not my circus not my monkeys.

Oly5 · 22/09/2015 20:36

Oh my word, why would you upset her like this? It's none of your business. Personally I think "so what, he went to a strip club on his stag do, big deal." This doesn't make him evil or a cheater on my view. I'd just ignore it!

mrstweefromtweesville · 22/09/2015 20:36

keep out of it, definitely.

bessiebumptious2 · 22/09/2015 20:39

None of your business. He might have already told her anyway and you'd just be shit stirring.

Original poster
JaniesGotaGun · 22/09/2015 20:40

glad IANBU Grin

tbh Oly5 there are other issues in their relationship that have been going on for years before they married.
But I don't think this one night would have put a stop to their wedding and I think after 7 years she knows well enough who he is without me adding fuel!

OP posts:
Homemadeapplepie · 22/09/2015 20:40

So this friend came round, possibly engineered the conversation so that the topic of strip clubs came up so she could impart the news that the stag do ended up in one, and she wants YOU to tell the bride??! Don't let yourself be manipulated by her, she sounds like a trouble causer.

LittleRedSparkle · 22/09/2015 20:41

what is to be gained by telling her?

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 20:43

Say nothing.

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 22/09/2015 20:43

In this case, not your story to tell. Stay out of it.

I'd think less of the men who bought him a private dance knowing how strongly the bride felt about it though. Very disrespectful.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 22/09/2015 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OctoberCupcake · 22/09/2015 20:44

Gosh I'd have thought it a bit odd if my DH didn't go to a strip club with the lads on his stag do! (mind you, we've been to one together, so I could hardly protest too much Blush)

Original poster
JaniesGotaGun · 22/09/2015 20:44

No Homemade my friend was talking about stag nights as she is engaged and was telling us she hopes her DP doesn't go to one. My DP then said he had been on this other friend's stag night.

OP posts:
OctoberCupcake · 22/09/2015 20:45

Posted too quick!!

Definitely don't get involved though. No good can come of it, especially if the Bride is so dead against the idea.

Muckogy · 22/09/2015 20:45

stay out of it. if you open your mouth, you will be blamed in the final shakedown.

blueemerald · 22/09/2015 20:47

I'm in a similar situation with two friends/work mates who are together (have just had their first baby). The girlfriend "brags" fairly regularly about how she and her boyfriend have no secrets etc etc and that they both hate strips clubs. I have been in a strip club with him... I keep my mouth firmly shut and change the subject.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 22/09/2015 20:47

It's none of your business, stay out of it.

Original poster
JaniesGotaGun · 22/09/2015 20:50

I guess this is projection on my friend's part, perhaps a worry that her DP and his mates will do this exact thing and keep it from her.

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 22/09/2015 20:51

No I wouldn't get involved. If your other friend feels that strongly she should tell her. I'd be raging being told that now if I was the sort of person that got annoyed by things like that. Id be thinking why tell me when what I didn't know wasnt hurting me and was innocent. He didn't cheat. He would of had a few, had it bought for him probably and felt like he couldnt back out or he'd have the mickey taken.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 22/09/2015 20:55

I think she is Janie, maybe she's thinking her finding out and kicking up a massive stink will put her df off it when his time comes for fear of her eventually finding out.