Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these items should be returned to me?

41 replies

Cerseirys · 21/09/2015 12:55

When DS was born DP and I bought a bouncy chair and a musical baby gym. By the time he grew out of both, DP's sister was pregnant so I offered them to her and she accepted, saying she would keep them at her parents' house so that there was something for her to use when she visited.

But she barely used them as she doesn't approve of electronic toys, and her son has now outgrown them too. They've been gathering dust in DP's parents' attic since, so I thought I'd sell them on Gumtree or eBay. However when DP asked his parents to bring the items down next time they visit, his mum said that they'd be keeping them "for any future grandchildren".

AIBU to think that she should give them back to us as a) we paid for them and b) there are currently no "future grandchildren" planned by anyone?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 21/09/2015 12:56

They belong to you. Of course you should have them back.

AliceInUnderpants · 21/09/2015 12:59

Did you give them to her, or offer them as a loan?

Original poster
Cerseirys · 21/09/2015 13:02

I think I asked her if she would like to use them, perhaps I should have been more specific. But anyway, SIL is not the one refusing to give them back - she barely used them - it's MIL who is.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 21/09/2015 13:02

Why didn't you tell her that they are not hers to keep? I can't believe the bloody cheek of some people. Tell her to give them back.

19lottie82 · 21/09/2015 13:03

I would say it depends on the original agreement, wether it as a loan or a gift BUT that was between you and your SIL. This has nothing to do with your PIL.

I'd just be upfront and say you want them back because you are going to sell them as you need the money to buy thins for their CURRENT grandchild!

What does your DP say?

lighteningirl · 21/09/2015 13:03

Walk away yanbu but is it worth a fight?

KoalaDownUnder · 21/09/2015 13:08

How long have they been there?

I mean, at some point you just have to let things go (unless they're absolute heirlooms), surely...

Original poster
Cerseirys · 21/09/2015 13:10

They've been there just under year Koala. You're right that it isn't worth fighting over lighteningirl and I wasn't planning on a fight anyway. It's just an annoyance, I guess!

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 21/09/2015 13:11

Oh gosh, I was thinking 5 years or something!

YANBU.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 21/09/2015 13:16

They belong to you, tell them that they are yours and that you want them back.

Don't pussyfoot around.

MaidOfStars · 21/09/2015 13:16

How weird.

"Sorry, you do realise those items are ours? Not sure if there's been some confusion along the way, given your last response. So we'd really appreciate you returning them, thanks. We'll sort out provisions for future grandchildren if and when the time comes!"

OOAOML · 21/09/2015 13:24

what would their reaction be if you wanted to pass hem to a friend?

elbowsdontsing2 · 21/09/2015 13:34

tell her your selling them on ebay for xxx amount, but she can have them for a discount price as shes famliySmile

peggyundercrackers · 21/09/2015 13:36

given you cant really remember what you said to her when you gave them to her I would say you need to forget about them

Thefuckinggrinch · 21/09/2015 13:41

I'm sorry mil there has been some confusion. These things are ours. They were leant to sil and since they are no longer needed we would like them back.

DoJo · 21/09/2015 13:42

given you cant really remember what you said to her when you gave them to her I would say you need to forget about them

Except that the OP didn't say anything to the MIL about them as they were never lent to her, they were lent to the SIL.

peggyundercrackers · 21/09/2015 13:52

Except that the OP didn't say anything to the MIL about them as they were never lent to her, they were lent to the SIL.

if she gifted them to SIL then they don't belong to OP anymore so SIL can do what she likes with them - just because SIL gave them to someone OP knows doesn't mean you cant ask for them back.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 21/09/2015 14:14

Sounds like they're long gone.

She can't give them back because she doesn't have them.

Spartans · 21/09/2015 14:28

The agreeing was with sil, who cleat said she was leaving them at pils, which the OP knew about.

I imagine from pils point of view, you gave these to sil, who has decided to keep them at her parents and you are trying to take them back without speaking to sil. They prob just don't want to be in the middle.

Speak to sil clear it up and get them back.

Scobberlotcher · 21/09/2015 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/09/2015 14:49

I agree that you need to go through SIL not MIL. If SIL has given them to MIL then from MIL's perspective they belong to her and you don't have the right to ask for them back. It may be that SIL didn't have the right to give them to MIL (depending on what was said when you handed them over). But if that's the case, then SIL needs to be the one who goes and grovels to her mum. If MIL doesn't give them back then it's SIL who owes you, not MIL. But I agree with the PP who said it doesn't sound like the stuff is worth enough to cause a big family argument about.

Original poster
Cerseirys · 22/09/2015 07:50

SIL doesn't care about them - like I said, she never even used them really. She didn't even "give" them to MIL - she was just storing them at their house. It's just MIL who wants to hang on to them for "future grandkids", possibly other SIL's although she has no intention of having any right now. Anyway I am certainly not going to cause a family argument about this!

OP posts:
whois · 22/09/2015 07:53

MIL sounds a bit bat shit, but for what you'd get for these toys it isn't worth pushing it. Just write it off to experience.

gamerchick · 22/09/2015 07:55

I was thinking she doesn't have them anymore as well.

If you want to sell them then go and get them back. Although I don't think baby toys do so well these days, there's tons of it out there.

Original poster
Cerseirys · 22/09/2015 07:58

No, she definitely still has them as I saw them there on our last visit a couple of months ago! But yes, I agree that I'm just going to have to let it go. I don't care so much about the chair but I had another friend who offered me £20 for the baby gym. Oh well, you live and learn I guess!!

OP posts: